How could we not smirk? An ex-President creates a fictionalized version of himself......only new and improved. Bill Clinton 2.0....now re-imagined as President John Duncan. Not only a war hero POW,but the savior of the USA......as he foils a cyber-terrorist plot and uncovers a traitor in his own White House.
Noble as he is, President Duncan accomplishes these Herculean feats while keeping his shlong in his pants and resists any urge to have cute interns lower his poll standing by raising his own pole in the Oval Office......
Even better, this Super Prez is a widower.......so unlike his creator, he's blissfully unencumbered by a First Lady whom half the country distrusts and despises.
Since this book rocketed to the top of the best seller lists, we can imagine some of the other living Presidents pestering James Patterson to collaborate on a thriller........
WeaponBuster by George W. Bush and James Patterson.....President Rock Hard single handedly uncovers Saddam Hussein's secret stash of 5,000 weapons of mass destruction
Rock 'N Rolla Ayotollah by Jimmy Carter and James Patterson President Opie Brass personally flies a rescue mission into Terhan, liberating American diplomatic hostages and swift-kicking the Ayotollah in the crotch so hard, the old bastard won't be able to enjoy the 37 virgins waiting for him in paradise.......
Unlike the other Chief Execs, it's not likely that Donald Trump will have to collaborate with Patterson on a Presidential thriller.........since Trump's presidency is already a demented, unbelievable fiction, the stuff of frightening fantasy......(and given Trump's 'contribution' to "The Art Of The Deal", Patterson would have to write it all himself anyway...)
Thrills 'n spills? Not in the early chapters, in which we guess Clinton had the most input.
Patterson lets Clinton take his own sweet time with the exposition........laying out Preident Duncan's character, his allies, his enemies and so on.....
Clinton even stops the book cold with a long thoughtful meditation on today's toxic, tribal politics........obviously referring to the cancerous aura spread by the current White House occupant. Under the guise of a thriller, Bubba gets a lot of stuff off his chest.
So it's slow going until the action-adventure plot launches into full-speed-ahead and from that point on, it reads like Patterson took over completely......with his non-stop breathless chapters that only last a page or two.
In the final pages, Clinton does come roaring back with the last word.....in fact, many last words. In the form of an address given to Congress, Clinton lets his Super Prez unload with a speech that sounds like an ex-President's wet dream Inaugural speech.
Well, we won't begrudge him that. Who hasn't daydreamed about doing their job much better than they do it in real life? (For examples, refer to our imaginary Patterson books co-written by W. and Jimmy Carter.....)
Altogether a lumpy sort of book. James Patterson junkies won't really get into it until about halfway through, when the mile-a-minute chapters kick in. As for Bill Clinton.......you amateur psychologists might well enjoy more insight into his character from his fictioneering rather than his memoirs.
Our dream Patterson book........his world famous Alex Cross accepts the Democratic Presidential nomination........and not only handily defeats Trump but uncovers all the President's crimes. That'd rate an automatic 5 stars from us...
But for now.....2 & 1/2 stars for "The President Is Missing" (**)...a strange blend of wishful politics colliding with best-seller novelizing. You decide which parts you like the best.
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