"THE FEARLESS VAMPIRE KILLERS".......THE FALL OF THE ROMAN VAMPIRE......

The Fearless Vampire Killers (1967)    According to this film's tortured history, director Roman Polanski's original cut of his loving comedic tribute to Hammer Films ran 148 minutes.......

            Sorry.....but the thought of this movie running 2 & 1/2 hours is more simultaneously funny and scary than anything in the film itself.......

            As fate would have it, the film fell into the hands of Hollywood producer Martin Ransohoff, a professional reptile with a long history of meddling in the editing room......

            Ransohoff slashed the film down to 90 minutes,re-dubbed the actors,  threw in a dopey animated exposition and added a subtitle to the title.....'Pardon me but your teeth are in my neck...'

             Oh my, what a witty card that Ransohoff was.........but really, no amount of tinkering, good or bad, could make this movie anything other than a weird, junky whats-it.......

              And having recently sat through a Polanski-approved 107 minute cut of the film.....our view of it hasn't changed much......

              It's still a huge, weird piece of crap.......sometimes watchable, sometimes unbearable......and never as funny and clever as it thinks it is.

              To quickly break it down:    The cool stuff:  the whole Hammer homage in the visuals and production design. Polanski helped himself to chunks of "The Brides Of Dracula" and "Kiss Of the Vampire" for his primary inspirations......and for any Hammer fans, that part's fun.

                Christopher Komeda's score.......what an incredible gift to this movie, with its eerie and witty choral work. Unlike the film's own clumsy attempts to meld laughs and scares, Komeda's music finds the perfect balance.........it's about 100 times better than the film it serves.....

                Jack MacGowran.......that beloved Irish acting treasure.  Outfitted as a doddering old coot, his physical performance is wondrous to behold,  recalling the great silent film comedians.  And close behind him in scene-stealing hambone shtick.....Alfie Bass as the Jewish innkeeper turned vampire who discovers the the undead bloodsuckers still remain anti-Semitic bigots.......(making him move his coffin into the castle barn)

                Another MVP.......Ferdy Mayne, resplendent as Count Von whatever, rolling his tongue through his fangs and also providing his rich deep voice for the film's opening and closing narration.......(as if any of this nonsense needed additional explanation.....)

                And then there's the real sadness of seeing the soon to be horribly slaughtered Sharon Tate, doing a perfect tongue-in-cheek replica of a typical heaving-bosomed Hammer starlet.

                The vampire costume ball........probably the major reason for the movie's entire existence.........watch Jack MacGorwran earn his laughs as he nimbly negotiates his way through the demented choreographed legions of over-costumed vampires.

                 The rest of it?  Nothing but a very lame stab at duplicating the humor of the Abbott and Costello films where the boys meet the Universal Studios resident monsters. (Frankenstein, Mummy, Dracula, Invisible Man, etc, etc). It's possible that the film could have been funnier if Polanski had cast, instead of himself, a real comedian in the role of MacGowran's frightened, flunky servant, but who knows..........(Benny Hill could have had a ball with this.....)

                  The humor, what there is of it, consists mostly of tripping and falling gags........with only one real inventive visual bit - Polanski running in a complete circle and running right back into the clutches of the blonde gay vampire who's taken a fancy to him.......(sometimes the stupidest, simplest slapstick works the best....)

                  "The Fearless Vampire Killers" might look like perfect October viewing........but compared to the pantheon of classic horror movies available for these pre-Halloween nights......BQ says you could easily skip it and move on to something better.  2 stars (**).....primarily for Jack MacGowran and that horde of twinkle-toed vampires.......