WE GO BEYOND INFINITY TO FIGURE OUT "AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR"......

Avengers: Infinity War (2018)    Pardon this moment of snarky irony......

                As a lifelong lover of sci-fi/fantasy, we grew up in era where such movies existed as deprived slum-dwellers.....eking out survival in the poverty-stricken ghetto that Hollywood studios placed them in.......

                 The budget for any of these movies now wouldn't equal what they spend on Evian Water for Robert Downey Jr.'s trailer.......

                  And now we've lived long enough to see Hollywood cinema go completely topsy-turvy........with studios lavishing budgets that would fund Third World countries on comic book superheroes battling monsters.......

                  Some months ago, gripping Extra-Strength Tylenol in hand, we laboriously plowed through an issue of Entertainment Weekly that detailed the Marvel movie universe........

                    Our mind reeled.....our eyes rolled........the magazine's writers used elaborate charts that looked like those NCAA March Madness playoff brackets.........in order to keep all the heroes and their interlocking powers, quests,timelines,  allies and villains straight in our head. Or their heads.

                   Enough. We give up. We surrender.

                   We don't have the strength, time, patience or any inclination to sort out this overwhelming avalanche of super-heroes and their various rising and falling fortunes.......

                   Seriously, trust us......life is too short to make sense of all this rapidly ego-bloating plague of costumed characters and their mock-Greek Tragedy woes......

                  Having sat through the 2 & 1/2 hours of this film.......(including its expected, enigmatic post-credits teaser), here's whatever thoughts  remain........

                   Throw-Toys......You can can extract the equivalent entertainment value of any 'Avengers' movie from watching a toddler throw his/her toys from one side of the room to the other......super heroes regularly get bounced or tossed long distances......bashing into walls, cars, or each other.....in other words, everybody behaves like they're in the throes of the Terrible Twos.........

                    Hey, it makes perfect sense to him.....We did enjoy Thanos, the Hulk-sized villain with a massive chin that's like a mock-up design of Trump's fantasy Border Wall.......he's completely committed and sincere in his belief that wiping out half the population of every planet will improve the quality of life for everyone still around after his genocidal enemas........(we guess this makes him Marvel's official Environmental Activist.....)  More importantly, he literally beats the living green crap out of the Hulk, forcing poor Hulky-Poo to spend the rest of the movie as quivering Mark Ruffalo....no fun at all.

                    Glow-y-Thingies....a.k.a. the Infinity Stones, but for us simple folk, Glow-y Thingies.....much coveted by Thanos, who desires them with a fervor similar to the obsession we use to have for those summer movie tie-in McDonald's plastic glasses ("Collect all six!!")    Which brings us, finally to the reason he drools for the Glow-y Thingies......

                    OMG! OMG!  That ending! What did I just watch!!!!   Everyone calm down. Only a rabid Fanboy, with the IQ of a MAGA Trumpanzee would find the climax of this film surprising or upsetting. And even though we're fairly sure that we're the last human being on earth who's gotten around to seeing this movie, we'll dutifully post this warning.....

SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT!  IF YOU DON'T WANT KNOW, CLICK IMMEDIATELY TO 'NEXT BLOG', WHICH WILL TAKE YOU TO 'ASTRID'S FAVORITE FLOWER ARRANGEMENTS'....OR POSSIBLY,  'CISSY LOVES ROM-COMS'......

                   Thanos completes his Glow-y Thingie collection (which should qualify him for free Large Fries and a Coke).....and half the world, including half of our comic book brigade, crumble into dust, similar to Sarah Huckabee Sanders whenever she's confronted with the truth.  Breaking News to Absolutely No one:  Nobody really freakin' dies in freakin' comic books or freakin' comic book movies.....(Not with the amount of box-office moola on the line that Disney pumps out of the Marvel Cash Cow....)

                   Everyone feel better now?  Then onward to 'Avengers 4'........we've already laid in a supply of Industrial Strength Tylenol.......and a blank March Madness brackets chart.  1 & 1/2 stars
(* 1/2) that's mainly for Thanos and his dedication to amassing Glow-y Thingies...…(we still own our McDonald's 'Batman Returns' cups, so we salute his noble quest.....)