'TRANSFORMERS: THE LAST KNIGHT'......1ST WINNER OF A NEW BQ AWARD!!

Transformers: The Last Knight (2017)    No normal method of rating could ever apply to this movie......

            Never fear.....the BQ rose to the challenge and created and bestowed an entirely new special award....the Platinum AFH award.

            We'll get to the special significance of this award in a moment.....

            First a word about director Michael Bay. He never fails to leave us speechless......in the history of film directors, he's like all ten Biblical plagues put together.......a perpetual lethal cloud of doom that hovers over the world of cinema....

             Bay is to filmmaking what Trump is to the Presidency.......incompetent and brainless in virtually every aspect of a job he's so woefully unfit for.......

              He no doubt fancies himself at least a technical master of his chosen medium........but even judged on that level, he creates nothing but unwatchable sludge....

              His so-called action sequences (supposedly his specialty) are worthless, a chopped-to-mincemeat jumble of random chaotic images that add up to nothing.

               Ability to tell a coherent story?  Non-existent. Not in his DNA.

              In the Transformers movies, Bay at last found the perfect vehicles for displaying his special array of non-skills.  And we literally mean 'vehicles'......giant robots masquerading as cars and trucks when they aren't smashing and tossing each other around

              Befitting movies derived from plastic toys, Bay directed them like a toddler with a 15 second attention span..........watching them was the punishing equivalent of viewing an infant in a crib smashing different shaped blocks against each other.......for 2 & 1/2 hours.

              Which brings us to "Transformers: The Last Knight".........the most unfiltered, purest form of Michael Bay's toxic artistry.

              Not really a movie at all........but a tortuous never ending assault on human eyes and ears. Completely beyond reviewing........discussing this movie's performances, story and techniques would be like applying critical standards to a multiple car highway traffic accident.

              Therefore......in a BQ first, we proudly award Michael Bay and "Transformers: The Last Knight" the Platinum AFH Statuette......a singular honor for managing to create an ABOMINATION FROM HELL.

              This unique statuette, in the shape of a digital film camera sinking into a pile of excrement, also comes with a customized Wal-Mart coupon good for any $3.74 DVD in the designated bin.

              We invite Mr. Bay to contact us as to where we may ship his ABOMINATION FROM HELL award and the $3.74 coupon........and we hope one day to conclude a TV network deal in which this award is presented to its recipient before a live audience.......

              Our sincere congratulation to Mr. Bay for winning this exceptional award. It takes a remarkable level of achievement to attain such an honor and we don't expect to give it out all too often........

              ........maybe not until Michael Bay directs another movie.