Eenie Meanie (Hulu-2025)
We tolerated this for only one reason.....
Samara Weaving.
Strikingly beautiful, with acting chops to spare and the kind of Margot Robbie-Anya Taylor-Joy charisma that commands your attention to the screen whenever she's in view.
Horror fans know her well since she's become something a A-plus scream queen ("Ready of Not", "Azrael", "Scream VI").
As much we hope she'll find a breakout role to push her into major films, "Eenie Meanie", sorry to announce, won't get the job done for her.....
Loaded with zippy car chases, random carnage and snark-talking gangsters, the film's a tiresome collection of tedious tropes we've all watched repeatedly from Quentin Tarantino, Guy Ritchie and Edgar Wright. It plays like the works of all three of those directors were fed into an A.I. scriptwriting machine.
At the film's center is Edie (Weaving), survivor of countless foster homes and a dumb crook father (Steve Zahn) who used her as a getaway driver when she was 12 years old. Hence her fearless, impeccable death defying driving skills....especially when being chased by cops.
As if her backstory weren't glum enough, she's also saddled with her lifelong protector and lover John (Karl Glusman). Why saddled, you ask? Cause John's a world class dumb-as-a-bag-of rocks idiot whose vegetable-sized I.Q. invariably leads to colossal screw-ups.
But 'Eenie Meanie' as the hoods like to call her, remains in high regard and high demand, so crime boss of bosses Nico (Andy Garcia) recruits her as the driver for a 3 million dollar casino heist. To everyone's eventual misery, the heist crew also includes Eenie's moronic boy toy John.
You could write the rest while still waiting for your popcorn to pop. Things go south and Eeenie ends up swiping a spiffy sports car right off its revolving turntable on the casino floor.....(with the 3 mil on display in the trunk).
Writer-director Shawn Simmons does put together a whiz-bang of a chase for Eenie's getaway and Weaving's a live-wire electric presence throughout. But the film's overall tone wobbles from too-cool-for-school quippy carnage to that stark jawdropper of a plot turn that feels dropped in from another movie altogether. Not a good thing, since "Eenie Meanie" already looks stitched together from the Tarantino/Ritchie/Wright playbook as it is.
Shawn Simmons should bow down three times in Samara Weaving's direction, since we're about to give this movie a way higher rating that it would have had with a less fascinating actress.....
2 & 1/2 stars (**1/2)....a barely passable time waster for all fans of pulpy crime wingdings.
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