Hot Frosty (Netflix-2024) There are definite advantages to watching Netflix imitations of Hallmark Christmas movies as opposed to the real thing.
#1. Commercial free. Therefore, in a 2 hour time period, you don't sit through over 30 minutes of ads, half of which tout upcoming Hallmark Christmas movies, virtual carbon copies of the one you're watching.
#2. An infinite faster pace than Hallmark movies, which move along at the rate of an Ice Age glacier.
#3. A relaxation of the carved-in-stone tropes of the Hallmarks, all of which unfold with the structural rigidity of Kabuki Theater.
#4. Netflix allows its holiday offerings to be funnier, goofier, and sexier in ways that would give Hallmark executives coronaries.
Today's exhibit A: 'Hot Frosty', starring none other than once reigning Hallmark princess Lacy Chabert. Due to her aging out of the typical, late 20's-early 30's Hallmark romantic lead roles, the HM honchos want to replace her with a fresher, younger batch of ingenues.
We kind of agree with them to some extent - their reliable roster of actresses can't pass for those ages anymore, but come on, guys. Lacy Chabert? Still cute and adorable as ever.
She's perfect for this movie, playing a still grieving widow in a pure fantasy fable. It's sort of a Hans Christian Anderson tale unfolding in a typical Hallmark-ian small town.
One of entries in the town Best Snowman competition catches Lacey's eye......no roly-poly cartoony character, this snowman's sculpted like a Chippendale's dancer, complete with six pack abs. Overcome with either lust or empathy, Lacey gifts him with her scarf.
Bingo-bango. Snowman turns real and staggers around the town square with only the long scarf covering his....uh....frozen package. Woo-hoo, now there's something you'll never see in a Hallmark movie.
Let's stop a sec to credit Dustin Milligan's admirable work as the newly born defrosted human, generating smiles as he embraces the world with the fervor of a ten year old in a candy store.
Lacey adopts him like a puppy, as does the entire town, since 'Jack' is the kindest, gentlest most altruistic helper-handyman in the civilized world. He's like Hottie-Jesus crossed with Bob The Builder....and oh those abs. He brings a woman to orgasm just by pushing her car out of a snow drift....(check that off as something else you're not likely to see in a Hallmark village.
But Snow-stud has problems.......He starts melting whenever indoors (don't fret, this is accomplished only by showing him break into a sweat, not dissolving into a David Cronenberg gooey puddle. )
Even worse for him, the town's obsessive law 'n order Sheriff (Craig Robinson) is hot on his trail for felonious streaking in the town square. (Not true, we say. He did wear a scarf, after all....)
True to its fairy tale nature, 'Hot Frosty' ends exactly the way you thought it would, its one major similarity to a Hallmark movie. And we never really minded that the whole town has no trouble believing that Frosty The Hunka-Hunka Burnin' Love began life as a snowman.
We admit we're suckers for Christmas movies in general, even though we go out of our way to avoid fantasies like this one. (Those Hallmark entries where the lead discovers she's Santa's actual granddaughter....ugh...Hard Pass.)
"Hot Frosty" as slim and slight and blatantly corny as it is, enveloped itself in a sweet snow-globe charm that warmed us up on a cold pre-Holiday night.
And isn't what these movies are supposed to do? 3 stars (***).
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