ThanksKilling (2008).......Even for a rock-bottom, bottom-the-barrel movie like this one, we try mightily to come up with at least one positive thing to say......
Here's the positive: It's only 70 minutes long.
Here's the negative: Everything else.
Don't get us wrong here. We're not objecting to the idea of a mutated, wisecracking killer turkey going on a Thanksgiving rampage.
Why not? As of today, more than half the U.S. electorate signed on for another four years of Donald Trump.....turning over the entire country to a wisecracking demented dope who may very well end us all........
So why not throw in a foul-mouthed fowl to add to the fun, raping and slashing for the pure unbridled fun of it?
We're even willing to overlook the Roger Corman-sized budget these fillmmakers worked with......considering their meager funds and the one-take-let's-move-on shooting schedule, they did the best they could, given their limitations.
But speaking of limitations......the cast. Give them a pass? No, our generosity only goes so far.
As a favor to them, we'll not mention the names of these woeful non-entities or any of their few skimpy credits (entirely in films that sound as equally dire as 'ThanksKilling')
We can't decide who's absorbing the most pain here......us, as we watch these stiffs make futile attempts to deliver emotions and dialogue in front of a camera......or the stiffs themselves, if they actually did realize how humiliated and foolish they appear.
Let us move now on to the real star of the film, the homicidal gobbler-puppet.....
Resembling one of those creatures from Jim Henson's "The Dark Crystal", he doesn't move well but looks suitably threatening. The filmmakers thought having him mutter 'motherf****r' was screamingly funny. But every so often the bird comes up with a few bravura moves - screeching 'Gobble Gobble!' as he claws his way out of some poor guy's stomach. (Don't even ask how he got there.)
Of course theTurk-inator can also drive a car......and rape a girl from behind with orgiastic abandon. Because....well, because he can. ("You've been stuffed!" the bird shrieks with to his already dead victim......)
He also puts on a slight disguise and convinces the 'final girl' lead actress that he's her father. Given the catatonic performance of the actress, you could really believe she couldn't tell the difference between her father and a cackling demonic turkey.
As much as we're tempted to give this movie the lowest rating possible (or maybe delve into minus numbers), we realized this one makes perfect viewing for those hosting a beer soaked bash to ridicule a movie just like Mystery Science Theatre 3000.
If that's your pleasure, feel free to carve up 'ThanksKilling'. For that purpose we'll give it 1/4 of 1 star. But maybe, after you and your guests are done hurling popcorn at the screen, follow it up with a good movie........
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