Trump can't cough up the nearly half a billion dollars bond needed for an appeal of his fraud conviction......sources say he's currently waiting for results of his mail-out to elderly supporters, begging them to send hims their social security checks and entire life savings....("Mail the cash now and you'll receive a pair of sneakers, and an autographed page of top secret nuclear codes!")
Trumpanzees try to help Trump spin his way out of his "if I don't get elected, there's gonna be a bloodbath" remark......explaining the ex-President's loss will upset voters enough to accidentally cut themselves shaving faces...or legs.....
Robert F.Kennedy Jr. considers Aaron Rodgers, anti-vax, conspiracy theory loon football player as his V.P. choice......Rodgers promises that together, he and RFK Jr. will stop at nothing to prevent Hilary Clinton and Joe Biden from abducting children and baking them into pizzas....
Mike Pence won't endorse Trump but can't bring himself to say he won't vote for him......doctors at the Mayo Clinic had warned Pence that their groundbreaking spinal transplant might only give him limited backbone......
Trump accuses Jewish voters of hating their religion and Israel if they vote Democratic......and promises that Democrat-voting Jews will be sent to special 're-eduction' camps, to include forced labor, lobotomies and free group showers......
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