Call Me (1988) We didn't come back to this movie, a connect-the-dots sex thriller, out of any great love for it.......or any burning desire to sit through it again.
We simply couldn't resist the urge to return to the Golden age of the film's distributor, the once mighty Vestron company........
For a little over a decade (the 80's), Vestron rode the VCR/VHS home video tidal wave.......(as did the BQ, who happily toiled through over 30 years of movie-buying for various video chains......)
At its very height, Vestron produced and distributed "Dirty Dancing" and kept video stores well stocked with a never ending flow of Grace C-minus, direct-to-VHS junk like "Chopping Mall", "Slaughter High", "Wishmaster" and "Little Monsters".........
The key to their success (and that of Mom 'n Pop video stores everywhere) was the pure excitement of entertainment consumers playing with their new toy.....the VCR.
And the novelty factor of watching an uncut, commercial free movie in their own homes trumped the quality of what they were watching. So for a while, it didn't matter at all if they rented a copy of Robert Redford's "The Natural" or "Revenge Of the Bloodsucking Barbarians"......
.........until eventually, the novelty wore off and it did matter what tape they were shoving into the VCR for the night....
Which meant the Vestron's vast catalog of slapped-together junk began to gather dust on video store shelves........customers wanted the good stuff.'
Bye bye Vestron.......
But it was fun while they lasted. In fact, they got so busy, at one point they started their own sub-label, Lightning Video.......specializing in even junkier movies than the parent company......(you'd think that wasn't possible, but trust us, they achieved their goal....)
Which brings us back to "Call Me", a prime example of the kind of stuff they rolled off their video assembly line faster than a McDonald's drive-thru bagged up fries 'n burgers.......
On the mean streets of New York, a neighborhood journalist (Patricia Charbonneau) mistakenly thinks it's her dorky boyfriend who's made a phone sex call to her, enticing her to dress extra skimpy (and panty-less) to meet him at a bar.
As you no doubt already figured out, it's not the boyfriend. (and the big reveal as to who made the call is no great shakes anyway.)
Off she goes to the watering hole, where she only meets a creepy hood (Stephen McHattie) and witnesses a tranny hooker beaten to death by a corrupt cop expecting a big graft payoff.
Not Patricia's best night. And it gets even worse as creepy McHattie and his even creepier sidekick 'Switchblade' (who else but a knife-wielding Steve Buscemi) stalk and torment her, since they're partners-in-crime with the corrupt cops......
We don't want to make this sludge sound too interesting........it isn't really. The film's indifferently acted (except for Buscemi, who's his usual manic self) and afflicted with so many shots of subways you'd think the film was produced by the New York Transit Authority......
Then again, Patricia Charbonneau's got a pair of truly spectacular legs, which seemed to be the film's one and only selling point......
But as we explained, by the time "Call Me" made its way into video stores, Vestron's glory days were already fading fast. In 1988, customers clamored for "Die Hard", "Beetlejuice" and "Big"........Patricia's long, long legs just weren't gonna do it for 'em anymore.
Feel free to skip this one, it's a 1 star (*) waste of time........but if our tales of Vestron intrigue you, by all means, you can seek out their far more wild 'n crazy (and far more fun) films on DVD and Blu-Ray. You may never see mass-produced crapola like this again......
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