'MIDSOMMAR'.........CULTURE VULTURE HORROR

Midsommar (2019)  Who the hell's this movie for, anyway?

                Oh right, we forgot........it was made for that ultra-specialized demographic of about 8 or 9 people.........film festival Culture Vultures who'll tolerate a horror film as long as it's rendered by an
artiste.......

                 Personally, we'd rather sit through any Friday night crapola Blumhouse slasher flick than endure the excruciating 2 & 1/2 hours it takes to wade through this one.......

                  How do we hate this movie......let us count the ways.......

                  Let's start with its shameless ripping off of "The Wicker Man", pumping up the 'luckless suckers meet Pagan assholes' plotline with pretentious dead-in-the-water pacing .......and a host of useless, poorly written characters slowly moving toward their expected deaths.......

                    We started yawning immediately as the bunch of clueless 20-somethings decide to spend their summer with an insufferable back-to-nature Swedish cult.........of course not realizing that despite their flowery clothes and attitudes, these phony sunbeams are nothing but a collection of murderous creeps.

                       End of story, basically.  Except that this story threatens to never end.

                       All we could wish for........that Nicolas Cage's avenging husband from "Mandy" would show up with his trusty chainsaw and make Swedish meatballs out of theses.....well....Swedish meatballs......

                        Life's too short and there's far better movies and books to post on than this ego-fueled, barely watchable mess........

                        To hell with it. It wins our lowest honor....an AFH......an ABOMINATION FROM HELL.  Congratulation to the filmmakers who cooked up this misbegotten misery.......for earning the award you so richly deserve.

                          The AFH comes with a coupon for 8% off the upcoming Blu Rays of "Cats" and "Dolittle" and a 1 Dollar Gift Card.....for the Dollar Store. To everyone involved in the making of "Midsommar"....enjoy!