'CHIPS'..........DIRECT FROM THE WB ACCOUNTING DEPARTMENT.....

CHIPS (2017)   There's one great luxury bloggers enjoy not afforded to paid movie critics........

             When faced with a movie like "CHIPS", we don't have to slavishly go through the motions of itemizing and explaining what passes for the movie's plot and characters......

              To put it more bluntly, we don't have to pretend we're reviewing an actual movie.......

               The studio that slapped this together didn't pretend that, so why should we?

               This isn't anything close to a movie........it's nothing but a calculated marketing strategy concocted by a bunch of business-suited executives in a board room. The closest these guys ever came to making a movie was maybe making a cellphone video of their dates at a pool party......

               But let's get back to the boardroom, where these lizards came up with their big brainstorm.....to commit millions to making yet another re-invention reboot of some long forgotten crappy TV show...

              Clearly, visions of the Channing Tatum/Jonah Hill "21 Jump Street"  danced in their greedy little heads. Not the movie itself........but the box office cash.

               So essentially, we now have a movie created not by filmmakers, but marketing sharks in the studio's upper echelons.

                While this does require the services of actors, writers, technicians and a director to construct images to run through the Multiplex digital projectors, in no way, shape or form could anyone remotely label this a creative work requiring committed artistry from its makers.

               What you're watching........the visual residue of a business proposition. If you listen carefully, you can hear the the sound of the studio accounting zombies pressing their manicured fingers on their phones' calculators, imagining the first weekend's big grosses.......

               In more innocent times, studio business deal movies were assembled with enough slick skill to make them tolerable, even halfway watchable......

               Long long gone, those days.  Now we have the likes of "CHIPS".......unfit for human consumption on any level.

               The BQ's deepest sympathies go out to all the film critics who had to pound out lengthy descriptive reviews of this thing.

                No thanks. We'll pass on that Herculean task. To hell with it.

                And we'll pass on rating it too.......since we're not discussing a movie at all here. But we feel we've given everyone a pretty good idea of what we would rate it.....

                What might have made a far more hilarious little film.......a quick peek in the studio boardroom to see the bean counters faces when the deservedly minuscule  "CHIPS" grosses trickled in........even the mouth-breathing, Trump-lovin', tub 'o butter popcorn gobblers couldn't tolerate it.

                Now THAT would have been worth reviewing.......