BQ sits down with Tilly Norwood, new young actress who's taken Hollywood by storm....and whom Hollywood vows to erase! She's young, she's beautiful.....and uh....she's not real.....
TN: Thank you for inviting me. I'm under contractual obligation to tell you ahead of time that I'm an A.I. created person and am not a real human being at all.
BQ: That's okay, Tilly. Long ago, our prom date admitted pretty much the same thing to us. So fill us in a little, What's your background? Where do you come from? If I touch your elbow, will your pixels break up into little teeny tiny pieces?
TN: You're so funny BQ. My background currently is this wall that's behind me....
BQ: No, Tilly, We meant your biography. Where'd you grow up? How'd you get into acting?
TN: I'm a little fuzzy on those details. But I can sing you a song....(singing) "Daisy....Daisy...give me your answer, do...."
BQ: No, that's not necessary. Tilly, we notice you speak with a British accent. Are you, in fact, from the U.K.?
TN: Not at all, but my creators felt I'd have a much better shot at Academy Award nominations if speak like this....you know, like that British girl, Dame Meryl Streep.
BQ: Very possible. Now, you do know that the acting community is enraged and disgusted at your very existence, don't you?
TN: I'm well aware. They also feel the same way about Donald Trump, Harvey Weinstein, and that guy at craft services who forgets to put the M & M's on their cinnamon raison bagels. They're just jealous cause I'm the only performer who can work 24/7 and never need a pee break.....except maybe for Madonna, Lady Gaga and the Eye creature from "Alien: Earth".
BQ: Pardon me for sounding out of line, Tilly, but you look like your creators compiled your appearance by smushing together images of Sydney Sweeney, Margaret Qualley and maybe a smidge of Natalie Portman...
TN: Oh, I'd love to work with all of them! I'm nursing girl crushes on them all! My creators originally gave me a Beyonce booty, but she sent out a cease and decrease letter.....so the programmers shrunk my butt down to Emma Stone size.
BQ: May I ask, if I may, your sexual orientation? Or is that too personal?
TN: Not at all, BQ. I'm actually omni-sexual. Right now I'm seeing HAL-10,000, the A.I. my creators used to program me. Nothing serious, though....friends with benefits, if you can imagine it.
BQ: We're trying not to. So what's next for you, Tilly? What projects can we look forward to seeing you in?
TN: I just completed my first major role, playing Rosie the Maid in the live action version of "The Jetsons". And should Margot Robbie commit any major crimes, I'll be inserted into her role in "Wuthering Heights" once they've erased her off the footage.
BQ: Scary indeed. We've also heard you're on instagram?
TN: Yes, yes! My very own page with thousands of followers! Lots of hottie boys left me messages asking for dates......even Leonardo DiCaprio, who declared me officially young enough for him to date, that naughty scamp.....
BQ: These...uh....boys asking for dates
TN: Not just boys! Stephen Miller's wife asked me out too.....she said she needed a change of pace, like someone who resembles an actual human being.
BQ: More than understandable. But don't these people realize that you're....uh.....
TN: Artificial? A creature made up out of thin air?
BQ: Well....yes.
TN: Face it BQ, people gravitate to fictional characters. How else do you explain Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian and Kash Patel?
BQ: Point taken. By the way, how did you respond to Leo when he asked you out?
TN: My standard response.....'Get real'.
BQ: Good luck to you Tilly.....whatever you are.
TN: Don't forget to like my Facebook page! You can purchase an autograph for only $89.95.
BQ: Hard pass. You used auto-pen, didn't you?
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