From the World of John Wick: Ballerina (2025)
At long last......for everyone who's been dying to see a hot babe and a hulky assassin face off with dueling flamethrowers.....
Your prayers are answered. Burn baby, burn.
The title tells you all - in the Wick-verse, this film's taking place between John Wick 3 and John Wick 4. (For any of you who've been keeping the John Wick timelines carefully plotted on a wipe off board taking up an entire side of your living room).
But enough about the wacky Wick-y world. Let's talk Eve Macarro (Ana de Armas), our front-and-center ass-kicker.
As a little girl, she sees her beloved dad mix it up with minions of the killer cult-master, 'The Chancellor' (Gabriel Byrne). Dad dies, but Eve falls into the hands of the Ruska Roma, the same network of international assassins that employ our own Johnny Wick.
The RR's Headmistress is the stern as stone 'Director' (Angelica Huson, sort of combining Morticia Addams and Jabba The Hut). Her exclusive training for kids includes instructions in both ballet and bashing people to pulp. Her best pep talk to ballerinas she forces to twirl until their feet bleed : "Tend to your wounds before sepsis or then we'd have to cut off your feet"
(This woman should be coaching on 'Dancing With The Stars'......_)
Truly inspiring, but Eve's got bigger fish to fry while they're still alive......she's on her own independent mission to wipe out the cult who killed Daddy. That sits not well with the Ruska Roma bunch, as Eve goes on a crotch-kicking, eye-gouging shoot 'n stab campaign, absorbing as much punishment as she dishes out.
Those of us who loved those few minutes in "No Time To Die' that featured the always lovely de Armas decimating guys while poured into a slinky evening gown.....here's an entire two hours of premium fight-like-a-girl nut-crackin'. And for your continued action pleasure very rarely interrupted with that slow, annoying stuff....like...uh...talking and plot exposition.
All the carnage finally leads our gal to the Chancellor's HQ, a snowy Bavarian Alpine village where Big C and his whole org are parked including their future assassin kiddies. More shooting, punching, kicking, stabbing and assorted bashing with whatever implements are handy. For the cherry on top of this dessert......fire up them flamethrowers!
As long as you don't look for (or expect) anything other than what we just described in this movie (and we don't think we left anything out), sit back, gobble that tub 'o buttered corn and giggle as the bodies pile up.
We don't think the filmmakers behind 'Ballerina' aspired to any other higher purpose in mind.....
3 stars (***).
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