WEEKEND MADNESS WRAP-UP.....SPECIAL "I'LL END THE WAR IN 48 HOURS' EDITION......

 

The country reels, gasps, and collectively shakes its head in misery after another week of Trump chaos........sales of Advil, Tylenol and extra strength aspirin skyrocket from Trump voters repeatedly smashing their heads against whatever wall is nearby.....

As his poll numbers continue to plummet, Trump begins dialing back on tariffs......"Honestly, the tariffs were never my idea in the first place....the guy who delivers the Big Macs to the Oval Office told me about 'em, told me it would make me famous all around the world. Well, ya know.....he's never late with the burgers so I thought he might be on to something.....so he's the one you should talk to. But don't worry, I'm demanding a new delivery guy...."

Elon Musk leaving DOGE after overwhelming U.S. hatred of him led to the decimation of his Tesla company......"But I feel I've done my part and left a lasting legacy....thanks to me loads of Social Security recipients will die in illness and poverty and I've saved the Federal Government 1/1000th of 1 percent of the budget....more or less.  You're welcome, America!"

Defense Secretary Hegseth screams at Pentagon generals, shares top secret info with his wife and has Signal chat installed in his office......"I keep telling you lying fake news reporters, I know what I'm doing at all times.....and you can take that to the bank as sure as I know we're gonna launch more missiles at the Houthis at 6 am tomorrow morning.....oh,,,,,ooopsie....you didn't hear that from me..."

Trump's unfulfilled promise to end the Ukraine war in 48 hours after he was elected continues to go awry. After Putin's bombing attack on Kiev, Trump cries out on social media, "Vladimir, Stop!"......in a secret, recently decoded message, Putin responded: "Now, now, my Trumpy Humpy Wumpie Doodle.....you should know by now to use the safe word when you want me to stop....you know, the one you use when we're alone together......when I'm on top and thrusting a little too hard for you......if you forgot, it's "Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese"........