Fast X (2023) How is anyone supposed to write a thoughtful, rational review of this movie?
It's impossible to sneer at it, make fun of it, hurl insults at it. A waste of time.
Because the movie's already doing that for you.....to itself. How can one deride a film that revels in its own idiocy, celebrates its own bottom-of-the-barrel junkiness?
Trying to analyze or intelligently view this film is akin to reviewing a Road Runner Vs. Wile E .Coyote cartoon that runs 140 minutes.
By now, it's an accepted given that before you sit down to watch an ''Fast & Furious" entry, you either park your brain in a safe storage area or give yourself a pre-frontal lobotomy.
As the saying goes.....it is what it is.......
Once again, gravity, physics, mortality and geography have no place in the 'F & F' loony-verse. Viewers know not to expect that any of those simple, real, scientific laws and principles will exist here.
What you can expect, of course: mass destruction of cities all over the world, on a apocalyptic scale that only thousands of CGI animators from countless Special Effects companies can accomplish.
And the cast? The gang's all there, all of them appearing lethargic, bored and maybe just severely hung over.
Lording over the proceedings - the rumble-mumble mouthed King of Lethargy himself, Vin Diesel, picking up his millions for disgorging nuggets of dialogue as if any sentence that ten words or more will tire him out.
With the rest of actors barely phoning it in, Jason Mamoa, playing the film's new big badass villain, seized the day, going full Ringling Brothers/Barnum and Bailey circus clown on them.
I can only assume Mamoa felt envious and energized by the unforgettable 'Joker' performances of Heath Ledger and Joaquin Phoenix. (Or possibly even Margot Robbie's Harley Quinn) So he slaps together a mish-mash of over-the-top shtick, some of it played as if he's a former drag queen. Any 15 seconds of it is annoying, and you can almost envision of Mamoa's demented dream of a Best Suipporting Actor nomination pop up in a thought-balloon over his head. Trust me, never gonna happen.
Lots of international cities laid to waste, lots of massive explosions (including a Neutron bomb), lots of vehicles and humans hurled around in all directions......yada, yada, yada....
What else can I say......to be fair and balanced (heh, heh, heh) to one and all, I'll apply two separate ratings......If you enjoy this sort of bloated, lunatic, studio greed-driven sludge, if you love to sit back and totally surrender yourself to it as your brain cells dribble out of your ears, than "Fast X" is your 5 star (*****) dream come true.
Don't expect anything even close to closure.....this one only exists as a 140 minute trailer for the next two entries.
Do stay for the teaser amid the final credits.....guaranteed to make hardcore "F & F"ers orgasm in dreamy anticipation. Enough said.
For anyone who doesn't fall into that category....1 star (*). A vroom with a view you don't want to stay in.......
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