Quo Vadis (1951) It dawned on me suddenly (as most things do nowadays) that in a long lifetime of movie watching, I'd only ever viewed this film in isolated chunks......catching bits and pieces of it as it played on various TV channels.....
And in all those various moments, I'd never gotten to see the one sequence it's most famous for, the burning of Rome by mad, mad, mad emperor Nero.
Settling in for a truly ass-numbing sit, (courtesy of the wonderful TCM), I finally subjected myself to the movie's entire 170 minutes.
Can't say I'm sorry I did......I found some of the stuff in it a hoot, and the scenes of Rome ablaze look about as good as early 1950 special effects could make them.
But the whole show here, which took me by surprise, belongs to the then young Peter Ustinov as Nero. He seizes control of this epic and makes it all about him.....which, come to think of it, it is.
Ustinov must have realized that no actor who's a born hammy scene stealer like himself was ever gifted with such a plum role and golden opportunity. And oh boy, does he make the most of it.
Ustinov's Nero comes across like Trump draped in a toga..... childish, paranoid, narcissistic, devoid of human feeling and psychotic to his very core......and surrounded by groveling minions and toadies to cater to his every lunatic whim.
And I could keep taking this metaphor even further since the movie features Nero burning Rome and revving up the surviving populace to blame the "other".....in this case, Christians. (Much in the same way Trump whipped up his MAGA zombies to believe immigrants and BLM protesters were the cause of all their woes....)
This prompts an upstanding, loyal Roman general (Robert Taylor) to declare, "The people won't believe such a lie!" To which Nero's long suffering, disgusted advisor replies, "But they are believing it....people will believe any lie, if it's fantastic enough...")
Getting back to the fun parts of "Quo Vadis", what a stunning experience to behold massive crowd scenes with, believe or not.....real crowds of thousands! No CGI pixels, but thousands of real people milling about! Think of it this way.....to do a movie this way in 2023 would take the combined wealth of Elon Musk, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg and the British Royal family.......
But now for some warnings for any brave, hardy cinema-loving soul who wants to take the plunge into this......you will suffer through that ornate, ponderous overwritten dialogue that defined Hollywood costume epics....and prepare to endure an actual full length sermon delivered by none other than the Big Fisherman himself, Peter (Finlay Currie).
Hang in there, though......you don't want to miss Nero's gaudy Coliseum spectacle, including lions making a lunch out of Christians and Deborah Kerr served up for goring by a raging bull....(no not Robert DeNiro, but a real raging bull) But fear not! You can thrill to sight of Kerr's noble, giant defender Ursus (Buddy Baer) coming to her aid... .literally taking the bull by the horns.
Essential viewing for all completists of classic Hollywood cinema history......but one time only is all anyone really needs.....3 stars (***).
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