Last Friday, we spent last an entire day waiting for our car dealership to patch together the trusty BQ-Mobile to qualify it for its annual state inspection sticker......which left us no time for a Madness Wrap-Up.
This weekend, with its doomsday, toxic tidal wave of madness, almost makes us wish we were stuck back in that auto-shop lounge, still waiting for the car.........
SUPREME COURT OVERTURNS ROE V. WADE......Stocks immediately rise on companies manufacturing metal coat hangers, leading one of such company to promise a special hanger designed for newly pregnant women and girls...("If you suffered a rape, let us give you a scrape!")
In related news, Brett Kavanaugh suggested state legislatures offer a coupon to accompany home pregnancy tests - offering a a free sixpack of Budweiser for each redeemed 'positive' test.....
Louisiana, Mississippi, Georgia and Alabama promise fully armed Pregnancy Police Forces to hunt down girls who try escaping to New England or west coast states for abortion. Claiming extensive video surveillance will be used by PPF agents, warned one lawmaker, "Girls...if you're showin' a belly, we'll catch you on the telly...."
SUPREME COURT ALLOWS NEW YORK STATE RESIDENTS TO CARRY AROUND GUNS.... after which the 6 far right Justices celebrate with a double feature showing of "Gunfight At The O.K. Corral" and "The Wild Bunch".....says Justice Alioto, "Now there's the kind of American we've always envisioned....."
SCOTUS JUSTICE CLARENCE THOMAS NOW WANTS TO RECONSIDER RULING ON LEGALIZING GAY MARRIAGE.....said Thomas, "One of the main reasons I married Ginni.....she hates those limp-wristed faggots and bull dykes almost as much as I do...."
REPUBLICAN LAWMAKERS SOUGHT PARDONS FROM TRUMP FOR TRYING TO HELP HIM ILLEGALLY OVERTURN THE 2020 ELECTION.....Secret video released to the Jan.6 committee showed Rep. Matt Gaetz visiting the Oval Office wearing his own custom T-shirt - "Don't wait till later...Save each Traitor!"
SEN. RON JOHNSON PRETENDS TO TALK ON THE PHONE WHEN ASKED ABOUT HIS HANDING OFF FAKE ELECTOR SLATES...... later Johnson claimed he frequently used the phone to psychically reach out to dead relatives who were buried with their own cell phones. Verizon has yet to comment as to whether they'll charge Johnson for calls to the Great Beyond......
POLICE OFFICERS IN ULVALDE HAD BALLISTIC SHEILDS AND RIFLES BUT STILL WAITED AROUND WHILE SCHOOLKIDS BEGGED FOR HELP ON 911 CALLS AS THEY WERE SLAUGHTERED.....explained one of the officers, "Listen, we have to take special care of all this expensive gear.....if those shields get damaged by bullets, we gotta write up a report, with paperwork up the gazoo.....and rifle bullets are damn expensive these days. I'm sure those kids' parents will understand our position...
RUDY GIULIANI APPEARED DRUNK DURING WHITE HOUSE MEETINGS....Trump's advisor later claimed that his hair dye with a high alcoholic content had leaked into his morning coffee......
TEXAS GOP WANTS TO SECEED FROM THE UNITED STATES.... .in another addition to their newly written platform, they suggest that the Texas National Guard lay siege to Mexico City as payback for the Alamo....screamed the assembly, "Payback's a bitch, ya damn Messkins!".
Stay sane, one and all.....and have a wonderful weekend!
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