Spiderman- No Way Home (2021) Once again, we're happy and proud to declare ourselves as the very last blogger (and possibly very last human being on the planet) to have finally, finally gotten around to seeing this movie....
That's what comes from our status as only a mere casual observer of the perpetual parade of Marvel movies
Trust us.....if you can keep the whole burgeoning Marvel universe at a remote distance, you don't have to spend any time figuring out worthless concepts like knowing where and how the MCU folk exist within their multiple timeline multiverses.....
We got a throbbing headache just writing 'multiple timeline multiverses'.......
Having now viewed it, we present these few brief observations......
#1. Color us amazed that so many people felt easily impressed by this movie's idea of gravitas.......from the random decision to kill off a beloved, defenseless character to the supposed gut-wrenching tragedy of Spidey-boy's overwhelmingly adorable cutie pie MJ (Zendaya) not remembering him. You'll pardon us for not weeping.
#2. The battles.......True confession......we've now sat through so many of these CGI-fueled superhero smackdowns, that one of the extended dustups in' 'No Way Home' actually made us doze off....for real, no kidding. You can only watch so many digital spandex bodies collide with each other or bounce off other inanimate objects before your eyes glaze over......(-and yes, we notice how the superfights drag on longer and longer in each successive Marvel film.....maybe Sony and Disney should once again form another unholy alliance and allow ESPN commentators to offer play-by-play narration....
#3. The crowd of multiple spider guys, Let us not forget the real reason why Sony keeps pumping out these cash cow SpiderEpics on a regular basis, even if it means going to the trouble of fashioning unnecessary alternate universe sequels like Andrew Garfield's 'Amazing Spiderman' entries. If they don't, then the film rights to Spiderman and his accompanying universe would automatically revert to Disney. Fanboys can kid themselves that this 3 generation traffic jam of spiderboys is a stroke of staggering Marvel genius.......but get a grip, guys.....it's the collateral damage from business deals......nothing but.pure, adulterated naked movie studio greed lies behind it.
Maybe we should feel thankful that MGM and Sony didn't deploy Pierce Brosnan, Timothy Dalton and George Lazenby to show up and help out Daniel Craig in "No Time To Die"...
#4. The closing credits teasers... we'll not even go there.....except to loudly shriek and reiterate.....We...Do....Not....Give.....A.....Rat's.....Ass. Let us all now indulge in a nostalgic sigh for the those wonderful bygone days when, as the final credits rolled, we could gather up our coats and those half-filled popcorn buckets and candy boxes......and walk the hell up the theater aisles and go the hell home. And not miss those vital teasers we'd need to join in future twitter conversations.
So what's our final word on "Spiderman - No Way Home"?
Regardless of how many people blubbered, cheered and grossly overpraised it, for us it never rose above 2 & 1/2 stars (**1/2) Okay fun while it lasts.....but it lasts too damn long.
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