Sorry to have missed posting yesterday, but we found ourselves caught up in multiple tasks.....a state car inspection that dragged on for four hours and trip to complete our COVID resistance with a second shot of the Moderna vaccine.
In the midst of dealing with bouts of woozy fatigue brought on by this booster injection, we settled down to watch.....well.....anything and everything.....
Starting with......
The Relic (1997) No better movie to watch when your brain cells are itching to take you on a trip to nappy time......
A four legged jumbo reptilian monster gallops through Chicago's Field Museum of Natural History, snacking on patrons, employees, swat team cops and a host of city dignitaries gathered for a premiere exhibit opening.
Can cutie-pie scientist (Penelope Ann Miller) stop the rampaging beast? Once she kicks off her heels and runs around the museum in a short skirt and black stockings......you bet your diorama she can!
And like all genuine movie monsters, this scaly baby, when he finally confronts the too adorable Penelope, just wants a little oral foreplay with his lengthy, gooey forked tongue. (which makes makes him the Most Likely Carnivorous Creature To Be Unfriended On Facebook)
From the master of improbable wise-ass thrillers Peter Hyams.......working at the very top of his limited game, such as it is.....3 stars (***)
Later by Stephen King (2021) This is one of those little tasty pulp novellas that Uncle Stevie feeds us rabid fans itching for his next doorstop blockbuster book to come out.
(Kind of like when our mom let us nosh on a fresh roll before dinner started.....)
Simple enough premise.....little Jamie sees dead people not long after they pass on. Since being dead leaves them with no further use for lying, they always answer Jamie truthfully when he puts a direct question to them.....
That supernatural talent puts the kid in the toxic path of Liz, his mother's ex-lover. Liz is a corrupt, drug-dealing, drug addicted cop who periodically abducts Jamie to commune with the dead so she can solve cases and seize a huge drug stash for herself.
Little does Liz know Jamie's being haunted by one of the corpses he chatted with, a serial mad bomber whose spirit has been taken over by an even more unspeakable demon.
Breezily funny and scary as hell, it's a snappy appetizer from the master chef of horror. 4 stars (****)
One Million B.C. (1940) Hollywood's first ugga-ugga-ooga-ooga caveman epic, filled with cute babes in skimpy leather mini-skirts and dinos played by heavily accessorized iguanas.
Chunky beefcake slice Victor Mature plays Tumak of the Rock people. And befitting their name, they're dumb as rocks and their lives tend to be brutal and short.
On the outs with his clan, the Tum-inator stumbles upon the more civilized and way smarter Shell People.......and hooks up with Loana, a sweet little Shell girl who takes up the formidable task of teaching humanity and table manners to the not house-trained Tum-boy.
On the rocky road to love, our prehistoric dynamic duo have to fend off a slew of saurians who look more like escapees from the lizard tanks at the neighborhood pet store.......(including one pathetic junior Tyrannosaurus played by a barely ambulatory hand puppet.)
It's great dumb fun to watch for all lovers of cheesy old sci-fi-fantasy flicks, but naturally we much prefer the 1966 Hammer films remake, which featured cool Ray Harryhausen stop motion dinos and the eye-bulging sight of Raquel Welch's superstructure in a fur bikini. (more on that one at a later date)
For this 1940 version.......we'll rock out 2 & 1/2 stars (**1/2)
We'll return tomorrow with more stuff.....see you then!
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