Underwater (2020) We kind of like the off-the-wall high concept of this movie......the same idea that was applied to the 2016 shoot 'em up "Free Fire".....(see our post on 7/21/17 )
The concept we speak of: stripping the movie of any storyline, characterization, nuance and conversational dialogue.......reducing it down to nothing but its climactic action.
In other words, an entire film that's nothing but its action-packed third act........
Therefore "Underwater" wastes not a minute getting to its wham-bams......the disastrous collapse of a titanic (you should pardon the expression) underwater drilling complex that's deep, deep, deep in the Mariana Trench.
So deep that the drilling unleashes a horde of aquatic Lovecraft-ian creatures, including an extra-gigantic Cthulu thingy who's really pissed off.
Among the handful of survivors struggling to stay alive as both the sea and the squishy booga-boogas close in on them is none other than that morose, mopey, peeved princess, the always wildly overpraised Kristen Stewart.
Critics too easily impressed with K-Stew probably thought she was slumming here, but with her one-note, limited range of gloom, she perfectly fits in with film's frenzied succession of death-defying escapes and chases........with all sorts of Creatures From The Deep Lagoon yappin' at her heels.
And you can tell this movie sat on the shelf for awhile, since it contains a supporting role for the ever snarky T.J. Miller, who's already been cancelled into oblivion by the MeToo brigade.
One sad footnote for cinema historians......this negligible little monster rally will probably stand as the last current movie to display the full "20th Century Fox" logo......since the Fox part is no more, having been gobbled up by Disney faster than this film's glub-glub creatures try to snack on Kristen Stewart.
(So that guttural moaning sound the actors hear coming from the ocean is either that back-stroking Cthulu or Darryl F. Zanuck rolling in his grave.....)
Now let's get down the vital question......is the movie any good? Will you enjoy it?
If you love hi-tech creature-features and/or the sight of K-Stew running around in nothing but her underwear (a la Sigourney Weaver in this movie's clear inspiration, "Alien"), then 'Underwater' is required viewing. You'll have a ball.
For those folks, we'll take a deep breath and splash out 2 * 1/2 stars (** !/2).
Anyone who doesn't fall into those two criteria............consider yourselves warned.
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