We'll waste as little time possible discussing this movie........everyone already knows it's a botched, worthless wreck........it crawled out of the woodwork to live out its useless life on streaming and direct-to-DVD.
It plunders one idea from a lesser Stephen King book......a cell phone signal that turns everyone on their phones into gibbering, rampaging phone-zombies, sprinting, screeching and killing....blah, blah, blah. John Cusack and Samuel L. Jackson wander through phone-zombie dystopia, slaughtering assorted phone-zombies,,,,blah, blah, blah.....
We're now done wasting words on the movie. But in those few paragraphs, we feel we put in more effort in writing about it than the filmmakers ever did in making it. Zero stars (0). Hasta La Vista, 'Cell'..... You won't be back......
And now to our main topic of this post.....of which 'Cell' painfully reminded us.
To paraphrase Samuel L. Jackson, from any of his movies........we are f***ing sick to death of all these motherf***ing movie and TV shows about all these motherf***ing zombies......if we see one more mother****ing movie about mother****ing zombies, we're going to pray that all the mother****ing writers and directors who make mother****ing zombie movies are the first ones who get their intestines pulled out during the mother****ing zombie Apocalypse......
Thank you, Sam.
Keep in mind, we didn't always feel this way. When zombies started chomping their way into the movies, we got a kick out 'em like everybody else......the George Romero films, the way, way out there Italian knockoffs, with underwater zombies eating sharks. Juicy fun for all......
But it's endless.......and the sheer amount of Zombie Apocalypse overkill makes us want to roll our eyes so far upward, you only see the milky whites......just like zombies.
The BQ hereby declares our freedom from ever sitting through any more zombie crapola.....no more zombie comedies, zombie romances, zombie war movies,......no more classic book zombie mashups........if they make 'War And Peace And Zombies' or 'Herbert Hoover, Zombie Hunter'.....count us out.
Memo to writers and directors.......IF THE ONLY STORY YOU CAN TELL INVOLVES DEAD PEOPLE CHASING AFTER LIVE PEOPLE TO EAT THEM.......SIGN UP FOR CREATIVE WRITING CLASSES AND LEARN HOW TO TELL NEW STORIES.....
Pardon us while we polish up our own zombie screenplay.......in which we plan to have someone yell out, "If you're all so hungry, why don't you eat each other?".........which they do.
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