'DON'T MOVE'.....A FAMILY GUY PSYCHO AND HIS NOT SO HELPLESS PREY....

Don't Move (Netflix-2024) ....arrives courtesy of producer (and celebrated fantasy master) Sam Raimi. 

          If anyone knows what makes a excruciating, make-you-cringe thriller it's Raimi, creator of the legendary "Evil Dead" trilogy and the first (and best) "Spiderman" trilogy. And for this film, he turned the reigns over to a talented team who deliver a Raimi-worthy wingding of a thriller.

          A basic, compelling set-up establishes quickly.  Iris (Kelsey Asbille) is a grieving young woman mourning the accidental death of her toddler son. She finds herself standing at the very cliff off which her child plunged, preparing to die herself. 

           But she's gently talked out of suicide by Richard (Finn Wittrorock), a seemingly friendly kindred spirit who just happened to wander up to the same cliff. 

            (Cue our evil cackling.....heh, heh, heh, heh, heh. heh...)

          Richard, in the time honored tradition of thriller psychos, wastes no time dropping his fake 'normal human' persona. (You could consider him a fraternal twin of Josh Harnett's suburban girl-dad maniac from M. Night Shyamalan's "Trap - see our review of 8/14/24....)

Richard injects Iris with a paralyzing drug with the obvious intention of doing who-knows-what to her before making her disappear forever.  And this ain't his first rodeo....

      Yet Iris, despite her suicidal funk and rapidly increasing paralysis, finds all manner of desperate, ingenious ways to fight back and survive. 

         We'll not spoil all the expertly rendered suspenseful moments that follow, all of it designed to make you bite your nails in anxiety or smile in admiration of the film's cleverness (sometimes simultaneously....)

          But at least allow us to bestow highest praise upon directors Brian Netto and Adam Schindler, as well as writers T.J. Cimfel and David White.  This crew knows how to take you on one hell of a breathless ride. 

         Swift, primal and loaded with brilliant cinematic flourishes, "Don't Move" succeeded in keeping us immobile and riveted for its 92 minutes.....right up to the heartfelt and most satisfying ironic final line we've heard in a film this year. 

          Move this one up to your 'Don't Miss' list. 4 stars (****).

'THE DEBUTANTES'....PRETTY LITTLE LYING DEBS COURT DANGER IN NEW ORLEANS....

  The Debutantes by Olivia Worley (2024) 

     Welcome to 'Pretty Little Liars' - New Orleans division. And there's troubles and danger ahead for four of the 'Maids' who make their high society debut at one the city's most prestigious Debutante Balls.

     It's no easy event for the participating Debs, especially the one crowned Queen. Margo, the last one, ended up dead of a drug overdose. (Or did she?)) And newly crowned Lily has her reign interrupted by a costumed Jester who 'Carrie's' the party by spilling fake blood on her. More mystery, anxiety and surprise reveals ensue when Lilly disappears. and the mysterious Jester torments three Maids in her orbit - Vivian, April and Piper.

     Our dynamic trio, each of them with separate ties to Lily, take it upon themselves to get to the bottom of her vanishing, even though it puts each of them at risk at having their own deeply hidden secrets laid out in public.

     For everyone who could never get enough 'Pretty L.L." seasons to satisfy them, this one's a far-fetched but enthralling adrenalin rush from start to finish. And what's even better is author Olivia Worley drenching her thriller in New Orleans lore and atmosphere. Her four vividly portrayed Debutantes aren't just up against common criminality. fueled by raging teen hormones - they find themselves facing no less than Patriarchal evil handed down through centuries of New Orleans history.......a philosophy and mindset that treats women and girls as subservient objects.....and completely disposable should they threaten long honored traditions.

       This all leads to a spectacular, melodramatic and literally overheated finale that cries out for a film or series adaptation. Over-the-top and borderline silly, but for these girls and their adversaries, I wouldn't want it any other way. A pure fun read that keeps you captivated until you're sure you've uncovered every last pretty little secret......

         4 stars (****)  Y'all stop in to check out of these Southern Belles having one dangerous Ball.

---

'A NEW LEASE ON DEATH....TWO ROOMIES TURN DETECTIVE....ONE LIVING, ONE DEAD....

  A New Lease on Death by Olivia Blacke (2024)

     I can't say I fully embraced this whole heartedly, since it fell a little short in a few key areas. But mostly, I found it an entertaining read that kept me staying with it all the way through.

     I guess you'd call it a Big City Cozy......unfolding not in a quaint little town but on the cold, snowy, sometimes violent streets of Boston. New 20 year old apartment dweller Ruby moved in to wipe out the memories of her 'jerkface' cheating ex. Quirky, cute and the world's worst job interviewee, she's got another problem - Cordelia, the 40-something previous tenant, hasn't vacated, unless you count committing suicide in the bathtub as vacating. Cordy's still inhabiting the apartment as a ghost.......and initially not thrilled with her new roommate.

     And now the fun begins. Ruby and Cordelia, not only slowly establish a workable living (and dead) apartment sharing arrangement, but team up as oddball amateur detectives. Yet another neighbor of theirs, Jake, was shot dead on the street (and for some strange reason,barely dressed), right in front of the apartment building. Ruby then has her hands full questioning potential suspects who can't quite figure out the paranormal oddities that often occur all around her.

     I was expecting a more generous helping of humor in a setup like this, but the author Olivia Blacke seems to ration it out in careful spoonfuls. The book devotes a huge amount of time to its own ghostly mythology that dictates the extent of Cordelia's abilities and powers.....a little too much of it and it slows down the pace. What I did enjoy, was the step-by-step building of friendship and the beginnings of affection between the two sleuths stuck in separate modes of existence. And their exasperating attempts to communicate with each other keeps a reader smiling - especially when they stumble upon the one way that actually works for both of them.

     The expected showdown-finale with the killer comes in kind of a rush but still makes for an exciting, witty, and satisfying way for these unlikely detectives to close their first case.....and move on to the next.. I'll be there with them for sure, but hoping the next one streamlines the paranormal exposition and amps up the amusing byplay. 

        4 stars (****). Nice way to kill a chilly night...(you should pardon the expression.....)

'THIS GIRL'S A KILLER'....SHE'S BEAUTIFUL, SHE'S LOYAL, SHE'S A LOVING FRIEND...AND SHE KILLS PEOPLE.

 

     Bravo to this darkly amusing romp of a thriller. It belongs to that peculiar sub-genre whose lead character leads an active life as a serial killer-avenger who wreaks overdue Karma and gruesome carnage upon really bad guys. To borrow a line I heard in a movie, Cordelia Black, a gorgeous Pharma sales rep, enthusiastically functions as the 11th Commandment - Thou Shalt Not Get Away With It.

     Cordelia, her identity and persona reinvented after surviving her own horrific childhood, now delivers unmerciful torture and death to monstrous rapist-killers of women and girls. They may have escaped the law, but there's no escaping Cordelia once they catch her attention. In what you might call her "normal" life, she's staunchly devoted and protective of the two people she considers her own little family - her best friend since college Diane and Diane's 12 year old daughter (and Cordelia's beloved goddaughter) Samantha.
   
     The fun here comes from author Emma C. Wells throwing a non-stop blizzard of troubles in Cordelia's path, most of which will expose her bloody pastime and land her in prison. At work, her job and reputation fall into jeopardy in the aftermath of a defective drug she represented. And her personal life turns upside down and backwards when Diane falls head over heels for a fake 'nice guy' who sets off Cordelia's sixth sense for smelling a rat.

     I wouldn't dream of spoiling anybody's fun describing the sometimes, grisly, sometimes witty parade of catastrophes that befall Cordelia as she desperately dodges in and around every new tribulation thrown at her. And since this is all from her point of view, you find yourself somehow rooting for her every step of the way.

      Not only does this book take a reader along for a hairpin-turn ride, when it's over, you just find yourself craving a sequel. How about it, Ms. Wells?

        5 stars (*****)  Have yourself a nasty good time with this one...

WEEKEND MADNESS WRAP-UP.....SPECIAL COUNTDOWN TO VOTE-A-GEDDON EDITION.....

 

12 days to Election Day.....in which voters will decide which country they're living in....the United States Of America or the Forbidden Kingdom of Trumpsylvania......

Trump's perpetual outlandish behavior manages to distract the media from the dangerous things actually spilling out of his mouth....("Love the lamestream press....always shows up for me. The poor suckers don't even realize I'll be rounding 'em all up for jail the day after the inauguration....they're the enemies of the people...

GOP bigwigs and Maga Trumpanzees shrug off Trump's love of Hitler and his Generals.....explains Lindsay Graham, "Oh I'm sure he didn't really mean it.....but just in case, I've leased apartments in three countries with no extradition treaties with the U.S......"

Justice Department warns Elon Musk about his million dollar vote scheme on behalf of Trump.....doubling down, Musk and Trump also promised a genuine frozen Trump steak from the original inventory to every Trump voter....("Believe me, we spent millions scraping all the maggots off of them, so they're as fresh today as when they were still cows...."

Mike Pence doesn't quite remember Jan. 6th as what Trump described as "a day of love".....and remarked he did not appreciate later receiving from Trump a gift-wrapped miniature gallows and rope as a farewell parting gift....

'SLOTHERHOUSE'.....A MUPPET FROM HELL SHREDS SORORITY GIRLS.....

Slotherhouse (2023)   The very last credit on this horror-comedy reads something like....'No A.I. was used to make this film'.....

          Really? Sure about that?  

          Because this movie feels even more computer-assembled than Hulu's fake teen monster-slasher "Carved" which we reviewed a few days ago. 

          This one has more than the usual delusions of adequacy. The filmmakers here aspired (or more often perspired to make a batshit crazy cult comedy that would live on as the movie to watch at midnight while consuming uncontrolled substances. 

           They wish. But they fell so far short of their goals, their film comes off as just plain stupid and even worse, contemptuous of its potential audience. It waves its idiocy around like a flag in the hopes people would think that's such a witty thing to do. 

           It's greatest sin.....the mind-numbing slow pace of its 93 minutes. Watching this became even more excruciating than the 3 & 1/2 hour running time of "Killers Of The Flower Moon"

             Second greatest sin.....the bunch behind this film lacked the guts and nerve to take it into pure Krazytown delirium. They settled for making it a dumbass live-action cartoon, inviting only derision instead of real laughter.

               Our supposedly sympathetic main character is Emily a college girl desperate for 'likes', so she's running for her Sorority's President against the resident Mean Girl. To pump up her popularity, Em illegally gets her hands on a three-toed tree sloth to entrance her Sorority sisters with its achingly huggable cuteness. 

              The female sloth, dubbed 'Alpha' and rendered by the puppetry crew as slightly more mobile than a stuffed Panda, is in reality a vicious two-faced sociopath. At any time, cooing, cuddlesome Alpha can transform herself in claw-shredding monster. 

              Thus comes the PG-13 rated kill scenes, suitable for tween girl slumber parties.....

               Here's were the film goes only slightly off the rails but not nearly far enough. Alpha, it turns out, possesses fully human abilities, like scrolling through the internet, dropping roofies into  drinks, taking selfies and somehow driving a car without legs long enough to reach the pedals.  Yes, all that looks as stupid as it sounds, but the filmmakers miss every opportunity to raise it up from absurd dumbness to sheer madness. 

                And as if we couldn't have guessed already, Alpha's also as doggedly resilient as all the other standard horror slashers, absorbing multiple clubbings, stabbings and shootings yet still scare-jumping up for more. 

                 With the exception of those previously mentioned little girl slumber parties, unfit for anyone else's consumption. 1/2 of a star and that's only for the winsome, Disney-fied, flute-and-chorus music that plays whenever Alpha's trying to win hearts......before impaling them.  It's the one and only joke that works......

             (1/2) star.

               

              

MIDWEEK MADNESS WRAP-UP......SPECIAL "MEIN TRUMPF" EDITION.....

General John Kelly finally goes public with his Trump evaluation, calling him a fascist......to which 60 per cent of the country (the still sane contingent) reply, "Well.....duh. No shit, Sherlock....tell us something we don't know....".  To which Trump supporters reply, "You dare defame Orange Jesus! Blasphemy!"  To which undecided voters reply, "Possibly true, but I need to know a little more about Kamala Harris..."

Trump rages about a slain veteran's funeral - "It doesn't cost $60,000 to bury a F****** Mexican".....later consulting with the Pentagon if they could hold down the costs of ''planting all those suckers and losers...'

To General Kelly, Trump expresses his great admiration for Hitler and his Generals.....and goes to say, "Yeah, his only mistake, was weeding out the Generals who tried to blow him up. This time around, I'm gonna make sure there's only Generals who love me, but we'll make 'em all pass through metal detectors just to make sure..."

'CARVED'.....HULU'S IMITATION OF NETFLIX ALGORITHM'D SPAM

Carved (2024)   Some execs at Disney's Hulu must have drooled over Netflix's ability to slap together movies from algorithms of viewer preferences...

           This always brings forth stale, generic products.....machine tooled movies that look assembled by A.I. robots......untouched by human hands.

            To paraphrase Rod Serling, considered for your approval (or disapproval....)

             "Carved" looks like it came out of a software package you could buy on Amazon...'Make Your Very Own Halloween Teen Horror Movie'. 

              All components are in place:  Small rural town in the middle of Halloween festivities. Disparate group of adults and teens (but extra credit for making a few of them theater kids). At least one zonked out stoner, one little kid, several cranky old guys, one cute Final Girl, guaranteed to survive the finale, yada yada....

              And one rampaging monster. In this package, a pumpkin mutated by a corporate toxic spill from a train derailment. 

                Commence the carnage, with the deformed, pissed off pumpkin sprouting tentacles convenient for impaling and beheading screaming victims. 

                But that doesn't slow down our hardy band from the standard squabbling, screaming, bonding and finding out who really loves who...

               We can't fault the cast.....they dutifully go through all the expected teens-versus-monster tropes with sweaty enthusiasm. And Disney starlet Peyton Elizabeth Lee is certainly an adorable Final Girl for the kids to root for....(and probably thrilled to drop F-bombs for the first time in her career)

               Oh, did we say kids?  Let's be more specific.....13 to 15 year olds who think trick or treating is so-o-oo last year.  The film traffics in just enough splurging gore to make them go 'Ewwwwwwww!' without making them run to the toilet to download their candy corn.

               But fair warning to hardcore horror viewers......you'll think you've seen this movie before. You have. Hundreds of times, just under different titles.....

              For the youth, though, 2 & 1/2 stars (**1/2). Cook up loads of popcorn, boys and girls,  and stay out of the liquor cabinet....unless you're inviting BQ over.....

'TERRIFIER 3'......THE HURT SHLOCKER......

 Terrifier 3 (2024)   Maybe writer-director Damien Leone's horror creation Art The Clown is the monster we deserve.....

        With the world going to hell and American democracy teetering on the precipice edge of oblivion, what movie character better represents the abyss into which we're sinking faster than ever.

        Forget Freddy, forget Jason, forget Michael Meyers.....those bygone ghouls who mostly preyed on feckless teenagers. 

         Now we have Art, direct from the depths of hell and who excludes no one from his slaughterhouse fervor. A mute, he cackles silently as he eviscerates men, women, teens and even cute little kids. Everyone gets an equal chance to suffer indescribable agonizing death at Art's hands, taking their last gasping breaths while their bones, blood and entrails spill out on the floor. 

          In 2024, that's entertainment. 

          For those taking the temperature of the zeitgeist, consider that Art the Clown trounced and stomped on the other major movie clown, the Joker, as embodied by Joaquin Phoenix......

         Not hard to understand why......writer-director Todd Philips' "Joker: Folie a Deux" was a laborious, artsy-fartsy apology for his first Joker film and audiences knew a pretentious stink bomb when they smelled one. 

          Damien Leone, on the other hand, knew exactly what audiences now demand from a horror film.......cruelty, violence, nihilism and gore taken to unheard of heights.....(or depths, depending on your point of view about these things.....)

          "Terrifier 3" takes its strong stomached viewers on a funhouse ride through hell itself...where no one is spared from either horrible death or physical and emotional mutilation. It presents a world of pain, torment and tragedy.......(or you could think of it as a slightly exaggerated version of how Donald Trump sees America)

            From the film's opening Christmas Eve sequence, Leone tosses all cultural norms out the window. You crave gore? You crave utter desecration of human bodies still alive?  This film grabs you from the back of your neck and rubs your face in it.......some gorehounds may think they've died and gone to heaven. Others may come face to face with that old adage....be careful what you wish for.

           But let's also take a minute to credit the other major creative force in the "Terrifier" saga.....David Howard Thornton's masterfully malignant Art the Clown. A gifted mime, he's a Marcel Marceau from Hell itself, unmerciful and yet sickly funny as he teases and mocks his victims before literally destroying them.  (A metaphor for modern life?)

            We're completely stymied as to how rate this film or to whom to recommend it. Horror addicts won't want to miss it for the adrenalin rush.......and certainly Damien Leone has established himself as a horror auteur like no other.

            And yet...... call us old fashioned, but we can't stop worrying.......where is this film taking us?  Who are we and what are we for making this film a box-office hit?   Can we still hold on to our humanity, decency and empathy if we find this entertaining? 

           For hardest of hardcore horror folks, 4 stars (****). 

           For everybody else? We'd only be guessing. Proceed with extreme caution.......

           

WEEKEND MADNESS WRAP-UP......SPECIAL "A DAY OF LOVE" EDITION......

 

Trump describes January 6th as "a day of love".....while Mike Pence still dreams of the warm, tender caress and firm hug of a rope placed around his neck....

A Trump rally turns even more unhinged than usual.....Trump ends up playing 40 minutes of songs, making barely strained attempts to move his hands and arms to the music.....ABC makes an offer for Trump to appear in their new reality dance competition, 'Swaying With The Felons'.....

Trump continues to spew out fearmongering lies non-stop....and refers to himself as 'The Father of I.V.F.'.....and also declares himself the father of all raped 12 year old girls forced to give birth in abortion-ban states.....

Trump claims Democrats and all those who oppose him are the 'enemies within' and contemplates using the military to go after them......and also floats the idea of organizing 'Trump Youth' - in which he'll recruit blonde children, coat them with fake orange tans and MAGA red caps, then send them out to hunt down liberals, blacks, Latinos, Muslims, and other undesirables......

'DR. GIGGLES'..... WHAT TRUMP'S 'CONCEPTS' OF A MEDICAL PLAN WOULD LOOK LIKE.....

Dr. Giggles (1992)   Hard to believe of BQ, but we never got around to this one upon its first release, so there's nothing like finally catching up with a film 32 years later. 

        (To be fair to ourselves, we spent that malignant year toiling for a major video chain which came direct from the depths of hell. The irony - their punishing workload, their terrorizing of employees and their China sweatshop hours left us little time to actually watch movies.....)

        The good doctor Giggles surprised us in a few ways. For 1992, director Manny Coto took to the gore quotient right up to the allowable limit he could get away with for an R rating. (Oh my, how times have changed...) But you can still clearly notice the obvious trimming of excessive splatter.

       A standard mad-slasher-of-teenagers trope is in place....this time it's Evan Rendell (Larry Drake), who blossomed from a psychotic, giggling little boy maniac to a full fledged giggling grown-up loon, newly escaped from the Funny Farm. 

       Drake, a superb, gifted character actor, has a mad-eyed ball here. The giggle seems to come from somewhere deep in his chest, like a ventriloquism feat, and the script supplies him endless doctor jokes as he hacks and stabs his way to a well stacked high body count. ("You think that hurt, wait'll you get my bill...")

       A few other things perked us up.....the inventive main titles, filled with floating red corpuscles,a clever homage to the legendary hall-of-mirrors sequence in Orson Welles' "The Lady From Shanghai".....and who doesn't love a camera angle from inside a victim's mouth just before Doc G performs terminal oral surgery?

       A fun Halloween watch, if you haven't seen it.  3 stars (***.)

        

        

        

'THE JUDGEMENT OF YOYO GOLD'...AN ORTHODOX JEWISH TEEN FINDS LOVE AND REBELLION

  The Judgement of Yoyo Gold (2024) by Isaac Blum   

     Yoyo is most definitely not your typical teen overachiever who longs to break through the constraints put upon her by her family, friends and community. She's the dutiful oldest child of an Orthodox Jewish Rabbi and tirelessly does everything expected of her......excels in classes, helps to co-parent her younger siblings, follows the teachings and procedures of her faith and functions as a perfect role model for everyone around her.

     Her only outlet for communicating her true feelings was her lifelong friendship with Esti, whose extroverted, daring behavior proved too much to their tight-knit community........when Esti s sent off to a far away school, an angry, frustrated Yoyo believes her dearest friend was indeed banished, with her father having a hand in it.

      Yoyo's more than ready to unleash rebellion against the structure of her Orthodox life, and her increasingly uncomfortable role in it. in. She finds a kindred spirit (and sweet first love) in gentle, studious Shua, yet another outcast who helps removes her father's filters from her phone.. This allows Yoyo to secretly outrage and confound her peers. with anonymous gossip-y Tik Tok videos.......revealing moments of un-Orthodox, rule breaking behavior from her friends and herself. as well.

     All of Yoyo's inner turbulence is presented with a knowing sense of wisdom and at times, the sharpest, ironic wit you'll ever enjoy in a YA drama. And author Isaac Blum deftly immerses you in a world of religious faith that may seem strange and foreign until you see all the universal things unfold.....the changing dynamics between parents and children and the eternal adolescent challenge to figure out who you are and what's your place in the world.
   
     A great, thoughtful read, with a character who captures you from the first page and will hold you till she reaches a reckoning with faith, love, friendship and the world outside her own. My highest recommendation....go get Yoyo.

       5 stars (*****)

'BLACK SUNDAY'.....BAVA GOES "BOO!"....WITH NERVES OF STEELE

Black Sunday (a.k.a. The Mask Of Satan) 1960    Once we started our re-watch Mario Bava's horror classic, we realized we forget to mention Tim Burton's goofy, yet loving tribute to it in our review of  "Beetlejuice Beetlejuice".......

          We imagined casual moviegoing audiences scratched their heads when Burton's film suddenly veers into black-and-white.....and Italian with English subtitles. (...with Michael Keaton's Beetlejuice flashing back to his centuries old unfortunate wedding to soul sucking demon witch Delores (Monica Belucci)

         But those of us who revel in cult horror knew exactly what director and film to which Burton paid homage.......the one that scared the living crap out of the Baby Boomers...(for many of them, this was their first real introduction to the weird world of Euro-Horror).

         Master cinematographer Bava established his reputation as Master Visualist director Bava with "Black Sunday", based on a Nicolai Gogol story set in Medieval Modavia.

          No one could equal Bava in rendering nightmare dreamscapes on film. The dark, gloomy, fogbound bogs, filled mostly with twisted barren trees, crypts and tombstones was a suitable for framing Hell On Earth.  Nobody had seen anything like it since James Whale's settings in this 1930's "Frankenstein" movies. 

          We're off to a great start in the Dark Ages, with the mob delivering gruesome terminal punishment to Vampire-witch Asa Vajda (Barbara Steele) and her equally bloodsucking consort Javutich (Ivo Garrani).....especially Asa, who gets a spike-filled mask hammered into her face.....ouch.

           Centuries later, that deadly, dynamic duo is out and about, ready to rumble, suck neck, and bring serious pain to the ancestors of their tormentors. And the primary unlucky ancestor is Princess Katia, the exact double of the evil Asa (played by.....surprise, surprise, Barbara Steele.

            The film literally drips, oozes and suffocates a viewer with darkness, gloom and impending death. Bava makes you think you're living inside a Halloween shop cardboard display....for real.

            There's even some nifty effects that still hold up, but the film's finest and creepiest effect by far is the legendary Barbara Steele. A one time British fashion model and struggling Hollywood starlet, she's strikingly gorgeous, with jet-black hair and dark eyes that could bulge wider than globes......in short, tailor made for horror. 

            With "Black Sunday" an iconic Scream Queen was born and Steele ruled as the Elizabeth Taylor of Italian horror movies throughout the 1960's.......(which in truth, a position she didn't much enjoy)

          So here's the perfect entry to kick off your Halloween season viewing. No fan of cult scary cinema should go without seeing it at least once.....5 stars (*****).

WEEKEND MADNESS WRAP-UP........SPECIAL 'THEY'RE CONTROLLING THE WEATHER!' EDITION.......

 

Trump sinks to a new low (even for him) by spreading misinformation about FEMA and Florida Hurricanes, causing even more pain to the state's disaster stricken residents.....later explaining, "sorry about those suckers, but it did get me in the news every day, so that's a good thing for me.....and what's good for me is good for....well,....me."

Bob Woodward's new book reveals Trump sent COVID tests to Putin during the height of the Pandemic and still makes phone calls to Putin....."Those are all lies.....but I did send Vladdy 5 gallons of bleach and an ultraviolet light to shine up his rear end.....and maybe an beaker filled with Coronavirus to put into the Ukranians water  supply....."

Latest photos of Trump rally show thousands of empty seats, with people leaving early as Trump rambles on for 2 or more hours....Trump angrily denied that medical teams were forced to routinely offer assistance to rally attendees who slipped in comas while listening to him......

Marjorie Taylor Greene claims the government is controlling and weaponizing the weather......and also said she feels lucky to be alive, having dodged surgical strike beams from Jewish Space Lasers targeting her house and car. 

Trump's bibles are revealed to be made in China....("It's a beautiful thing to see those little Chinese boys and girls pasting in the pages and stamping them with my autograph stamp. Such cute kids, they work so hard all day, for 1 bowl of rice every 10 hours. And over in China, there's no such thing as overtime pay, so it's such a beautiful thing.  I sent 'em a little note - 'if God didn't want you to make my bibles he wouldn't have made you Chinese....")

'JOKER: FOLIE A DEUX'.....THE LAST WRECKAGE ASSESSMENT YOU'LL NEED TO READ....

 Joker: Folie A Deux (2024)    Relax, beloved BQ visitors.....we promise you'll read not one more laborious plot description of this film, followed by a flood of adjectives like 'boring', 'repetitive', 'tiresome', 'what the hell were they thinking?'....yada, yada. 

            Yawn.

             Let's just break it down to a damage evaluation.....

            The musical stuff.....We don't know of any successful musical whose advance marketing tried to hide the fact it's a musical. That's strike one. Strike two: the musical numbers themselves are staged with a mish-mash of jarring styles. Sometimes the singing occurs within actual scenes, sometimes it's staged as deliberate fantasy dreams, sometimes a clumsy mixture of both. Strike three: why the heavy reliance on singing anyway?  The Joker thinks he's Rodney Dangerfield, not Frank Sinatra.

           The Bait 'n Switch Trailer  Not that we blame Warner Brothers for crafting a trailer promising a bigger, better, even more outrageous version of the first film. They're all about putting asses in seats, even if it means turning into snake-oil salesmen......even if it bites them in the ass once audiences get a look at the actual movie.  But this time they unwisely pulled a double-whammy con job, covering up the musical numbers as well as the film's 360 degree detour into depressing, tragic, psychological introspection.

      So not only did WB and director-co-screenwriter Todd Phillips serve up a completely different movie than what audiences expected, they served up a crappy version of the different movie they were attempting to make. 

          The "F*** you!" to the incel fanboys who turned the first film into a giant hit.   We think we get what 'Folie A Deux tried to do.....teach us a moral lesson and shame us for the sin of cheering on the Joker as he unleashed hell on those who abused and insulted him.The film reveals him as a lonely introvert starved for affection.....a lost soul who deluded himself into thinking he'd gone mad simply because he used grotesque cosplay to release his inner Id. Most cruelly of all, the girl he mistook for a soulmate turns out as nothing but a groupie attracted to nihilism and chaos.

     There's nothing wrong with this premise at all. But Todd Phillips wanted it both ways.....to shake his finger at us for finding Joker entertaining and still attract crowds by squandering 200 million dollars to hide his message inside what resembles a tentpole spectacle. 

            Ticket buyers gave him what he richly deserved.....they spent their money elsewhere. 

            And David Zaslav, the reptile in charge of Warners, would have probably made more money if he'd released "Batgirl" and "Coyote Vs. Acme", the fully completed movies he flushed into oblivion for tax writeoffs. 

            The Lizard Of Oz flushed the wrong movie.....for 'Joker: Folie A Deux', Zero stars (0).