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The Golden Globes 2023 They're baaaaaa....aaaa....aaa...ck!
Cancelling the Globes last year for their lack of diversity seemed like comically absurd overkill to me.....
Really? That's why NBC kicked the show off the air?
Time for a reality check. The Hollywood Foreign Press Association was, from the start, never anything more than a bunch of bottom-feeding shmoozers whose coveted 'awards' were always available to the highest bidder.
But oh how the Hollywood-ers loved the ceremony show......allowing them to get liquored up on free booze and have their ballooning egos stroked with prize statuettes.
And oh how America loved watching it as a ludicrous guilty pleasure....the spectacle of seeing their favorite movie and TV stars sloshed to the gills and running off at the mouth.....
The Hollywood elite comfortably closed one eye to the Globes' corruption......until the HFPA became finally undone by the wave of woke cancellations.....(to be fair, the wokesters had a point. ) 'A foreign press club without a single member from Africa or Asia or the Middle East? What the hell......where'd they all come from? Norway? The moon?
Last might, the Globes returned, seeking redemption, reeking of apology and making pathetic stabs at resurrecting the show's rollicking vibe of ..."let's all get drunk and celebrate ourselves!!"
Nope. Uh-uh......not quite. But not for lack of trying by many of the hard-partying drinkers in attendance. Overall, though the stench of woke punishment and parole ultimately defeated their brief eruptions of enthusiasm, squashing the fun flat.
The misery commenced right away with the terrible choice of host. I've never heard of or laid eyes on Jerrod Carmichael, a gay black comedian.......or to put it more accurately, the world's most unfunny gay black comedian.
Based on last night, I wouldn't mind never hear of or seeing him again, either.
I'll not go into that painful, bizarre piece of performance art that constituted his monologue, leaving the crowd perplexed and unsure as to whether they should laugh or cringe. Spoiler Alert: it sounded like they mostly cringed. And they spent the rest of the evening loudly conversing among themselves, ignoring Carmichael's repeated warnings to shut up, as if functioning as their high school principal.
Not that they missed much in his periodic, pathetic outbursts of 'comedy'......dumb tasteless gags involving Whitney Houston and scientology.
More bizarre moments followed: The announced winners, determined to restore the golden days of reveling in heartfelt, overlong acceptance speeches, would tolerate no interruptions to their half drunken blathering. They turned their fury on Chloe Flowers, the pop pianist whom the Globes parked stageside to noodle out a few tunes like a cocktail lounge toiler. The celebs falsely held her responsible for decisions to play those musical "get your ass and your ego off the stage" prompts.
But leave it to Eddie Murphy to provide the singular moment that summed up the Golden Globes and how they're regarded by both the film industry and TV viewers at home......
Given the so-called 'Cecil B. DeMille trophy (the Globes' equivalent of a Lifetime Achievement award) Murphy began his speech much in the way as previous recipients did, with a modest sense of humbling gravitas and gratitude..........which turned out to be nothing more than set up to unleash a showstopping repeat of Will Smith's warning about the dangers of speaking his wife's name...........
BQ gives Eddie a hearty 'Bravo!'.......for not only being true to his own rambunctious nature but pulling the rug out from the Globes' ever pretending they're anything more than a joke....
And one last special nod to actress Natasha Lyonne, whose 30 second riff on how time is fleeting was infinitely funnier than the entirety of Jarrod Carmichael's appearances throughout the 3 hour and 20 minute ordeal.
My few suggestions for the 2024 telecast.......hire an actual, real, genuinely funny comedian to host the show. And if by some miracle, you convince Chloe Flowers to return, let her play Billy Joel's 'Piano Man' all through the show and at least put a tip jar on her piano........
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