Dr. Goldfoot And The Bikini Machine (1965) So sorry to all the buffs who might chuckle at the mere thought of this movie, but that's the category I'm assigning it......guilty displeasure.
By that I'm referring to those movies that, in a fit of nostalgia, make you smile remembering them.
But just try, if you dare, a sit down to watch them again. And you realize, "My God, this does suck.....and come to think of it always did..."
In this category I'd place "Barbarella", "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World", "Casino Royale" (the all .star 1967 spoof version)......and "Dr. Goldfoot"....(the first one, believe it not. In no way will I waste time on the Italian produced sequel "Dr. Goldfoot And The Girl Bombs", directed by Mario Bava, no less. No one remembers it for good reason....)
I can't blame the shlockmeister outfit American International Studios wanting to cash in on the James Bond frenzy which swept the entire globe after the 1964 release of 'Goldfinger' AIP was reveling in its Golden Age, scooping up the cash from the Roger Corman-Vincent Price Edgar Allen Poe films and the wildly successful beach party musical romps with Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello.
With the world salivating for the upcoming Christmas 1965 release of 'Thunderball' , the studio's savvy moguls Sam Arkoff and James Nicholson threw together 'Goldfoot'. It combined Price hamming it up as a Bond-ian mad scientist and surrounded with the young actors and mega-dumb low comedy of the beach films. (And the like Bond producers Saltzman and Broccoli did for 'Thunderball', AIP even slapped together their own prime time TV special promoting the film in advance.)
It's nice that everyone involved here, Price and the young cast, Frankie Avalon, Dwayne Hickman and Susan Hart are clearly enjoying the hell out of themselves. The obvious fun they're having becomes almost contagious.
Almost.
Except that screenwriters, Edward Ullman and Robert Kaufman never ever come up with anything even remotely funny for them to say or do.
The humor, or what passes it for it here, stays somewhere below the level of an elementary school playground. Actors make funny faces. They fall down. A lot. Then they fall down some more. And bump into things.......and fall down again. Beyond a kindergarten class taken to see their first movie, I can't think of what other audience that would find this funny.
For everyone above the age of 5, it's excruciating to endure.
In fairness, let me point out the few pluses. The main title credits rendered by claymation animator Art Clokey (of "Gumby" fame).......he may count as the only person who contributed some measure of artistry to the movie......along with the Supremes, who sing the title song.
Next plus.......a platoon of drop gorgeous fembots in bikinis. Austin Powers' head would explode if he ever got a look at these stunners.
And that's about it. The rest is too worthless to waste any more time talking about. We can all still smile at the sight of the poster and the very name of the movie....feel free.
But watching it? 1 star (*) at best. And keep in mind, I'm being very, very kind. Dedicated lovers of babes in bikinis might want to indulge but trust me, they'll want to fast forward through all the painful non-bikini scenes.......
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