......and once again, Baby Orange picked up immediately......
BO: Davey, Davey......I told you never to call me here. Looks bad, ya know. Right after I told everyone I don't have a racist bone in my body.....
BQ: No, it's me, Mr. President. Scott from The Beached Quill.
BO: How do you keep getting through? I swear, I'm gonna have the Acting Chief of Staff fire the Acting Phone Operator as soon as I get the Acting Waiter to bring me my KFC bucket.
BQ: So nobody has a permanent position there, huh?
BO: Ivanka.....maybe. I love havin' everyone else know they're one step away from the trap door, .......that even includes the Acting Wife, whats-her-face.......
BQ: Melania, you mean. Nice that you took her along on the healing and consoling tour of El Paso.......
BO: Didn't she do great? Cuddling that little Taco-gobblin' orphan while I gave out a big ole smiley thumbs up.
BQ: Most people saw that moment as tasteless, insensitive and utterly repulsive........
BO: Fake news......lamestream media.......enemy of the people....
BQ: Not to mention that horrible video of you boasting about the crowd size at your El Paso rally...
BO: Hey, I had to hammer that home, believe me. At the end of the day, thousands of alive Trumpanzees are worth a hell of a lot more than a pile of dead Mexicans at Wal-Mart. For all you know, that kid with the gun probably did us all a favor......half of those dead bean-eaters were probably rapists anyway.....
BQ: Mr. President, you do realize that I'm posting everything you say on my blog, right?
BO: Knock yourself out, Mr. Beached Whale or whatever your name is.......10 seconds from now I'll deny I said any of this, and the numbnuts who voted me in will believe me! Plus, I'll come up with some new crazy shit that'll take everybody's mind off it.......
BQ: You are superb at that, I agree.........speaking of new crazy shit, what's up with you re-tweeting a conspiracy theory that the Clintons killed Jeffrey Epstein?
BO: Well........people are sayin' this.......I hear this from a lot of people......
BQ: Excuse me, sir......but 'People are saying' and 'I hear this from a lot of people' are your favorite phrases whenever you're spewing out complete bullshit.........Which people? Who did you hear this from?
BO: That information's on a need-to-know basis. Even the Intelligence community doesn't need to know. Actually they don't need to know a goddamn thing anyway.......as long they start agreeing with me......
BQ: You mean agreeing with you that the Russian interference in our election is a hoax.
BO: Of course it is. Vladdy told me so. And Vladdy would never lie to me.......
BQ: Vladdy? Okaaaayyy. Speaking of murderous dictators, that's an awful lot of missiles Kim Jung Un fired off lately.........
BO: Nothing to worry about. Boopsie-Woopsie assured me on the phone. He just likes to see them go up and make pretty designs in the sky......like a kid with fireworks.
BQ: 'Boopsie-Woopsie'??
BO: My pet name for Kim when we speak.......he calls me his 'Cuddly-Wuddly Orange Boo-Boo'....what can I tell ya, it's a love affair........
BQ: I'm feeling a little nauseous right now, Mr. President, so I'll end it right here. I appreciate you took the time to heal and console our divided nation in this time of crisis. As usual, you made things ten times worse......and made even more people realize what a despicable human being you are.....
BO: But not the shmucks who vote for me! And that's all that counts. Thanks for your call.......which never happened......and I never said any of this.
BQ; Thanks your time, Baby Orange........
BO: Wait......what? What did you call me???!!!!!
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