BQ recently snuck into Mar-A-Lago (cleverly disguised as J.D. Vance, wringing a cat's neck) and managed to corral the ex-President for an interview.....(sealing the deal by promising not to release the photo we snapped of him doctoring his golf scores...)
We proudly present the unedited (God help us) transcript:
BQ: Mr. ex-President and current felon, could you take us through that explanation you gave on Child Care, 'cause it seemed a little unclear to us....and pretty much everyone else who heard it.
Trump: That's cause you're part of the crooked lamestream media who twists all the good words I know.....and they're the best words, believe me, nobody knows words like me, they're all very stable genius words.
BQ: Such as.....
Trump: Okay, let's take Child Care. That's three words. Nobody takes care of children like I do, having raised two idiot sons, the beautiful, kissable Ivanka, that that tall kid that Melenoma squirted out, and whats-her-name. And that's way more kids than anybody in the world has ever had, even Hannibal Lector. You know, Dr. Lector, I don't think he even had kids.....maybe he did after all, but chances are, they got eaten by sharks when they jumped off an electric boat The statistics are scary, trust me.
BQ: Scary indeed, whenever you speak. Let's get back to child care......
Trump: The great thing about Child Care, is....and I know this for a fact, is that you can't be childless if you're gonna have children...see, once you do, you're officially off the 'childless' demographic, because....well, you got kids in the house so you could finally get rid of that darn cat. Did you know that was a Disney movie long ago....that darn cat. Just filled with childless women just like J.D. warned about.....that's the Hollywood elites for you, they let cats run all over their movies, but they kill that nice dog Old Yeller.
BQ: We'll make no attempt here to understand what you just said. But you do know Old Yeller was insane with rabies and foaming at the mouth.....much like yourself when you're speaking publicly.
Trump: That was very unfair and typical of your bias, just like that ABC news crowd, like George Shumck-a-dopolis and Opie Winfrey.....you know I remember when Opie was so little on that TV show, who knew he was gonna grow up and make that movie about J.D.'s inbred family, what was it called again? The Beverly Hillbilly Elephant Man?
BQ: Mr. ex-president and Putin-lover, I hate to point this out, but you've spoken nothing but utterly incomprehensible gibberish since we started this interview.
Trump: No wonder I'm leading in all the polls, or at least the ones they're polling with people who move their lips when they read. And brain-dead women on life support, you wouldn't believe how my numbers are skyrocketing within that group. All these incredible groups they're sampling.....Puerto Rico dwarves, Teenage AR-15 gun clubs, Aging Republicans in the final stages of Alzheimers and Hulk Hogan's immediate family.....I'm leading in all those groups. But I don't think you'll report that , will you?
BQ: Actually, we're posting all of what transpired here....in a word for word transcript.
Trump: Well, you should leave out the word 'trans' cause my MAGA foot soldiers won't tolerate those tootie-frooties trying to figure out what bathroom they're suppose to use. And when I'm at some public event, how am I supposed to figure out who's pussy to squeeze...or if even if it really is a pussy that tucked under there.
BQ: Thank you for taking the time to speak with us, Mr. Trump. Once again, you 've given us a clear look at who you are, what you are, and how unfit you are for the Presidency.
Trump: I'm completely fit, believe me. My doctor says I could live another 50 to sixty years, just like those Sequoias.....wait, aren't they an NBA basketball team? Jeez I hope they're not ugly women......
BQ: Good night Mr. President.....you always top yourself......
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