WEEKEND MADNESS WRAP-UP......SPECIAL 'I WILL BE YOUR PROTECTOR' EDITION.......

 

Trump's 'concepts of a plan' becomes added to his ever growing list of immortal claims.....prompting Trump to immediately take orders for a new commemorative coin, with "Concepts Of A Plan" on one side and "They're eating the cats!" on the other.....

Trump declares himself a 'protector of women'......and at a recent rally, promised, "Twice a week, I'll set up a special booth on the White House lawn. Women who feel frightened or anxious or worried can line up at the booth....and for $79.99, I'll personally grab you by the pussy to make you feel calm and protected...."

Trump latest grift - gold Rolex watches for $100,000 dollars each...and further announces he's sweetening the deal...."Buy two of them and I'll throw in an autographed tote bag filled with priceless collectables.....paperclips stolen from Nancy Pelosi's desk on January 6th!  Autographed pictures of ICE agents tearing children away from their illegal alien parents!  Real blood smears taken from Capitol police attempting to interfereoreour patriotic protesters!  And more!

Haitian community of Springfield Ohio files criminal complaint for state courts to consider against Trump and Vance for their continuing use of 'pet eating' lie to stir up hatred and unrest........Vance responds by claiming he's taken sworn statements from two geese, three cats and a pug that they barely escaped with their lives from hungry immigrants. ("And I'll create even more of these statements if necessary!"_

Trump continues to dodge debating Kamala Harris before the election......("I'm really doing her a big favor by not debating her anymore, since I completely humiliated and destroyed her the last time. She probably still suffers some PTSD from the experience of me just totally overwhelming her on that debate stage. So....you're welcome, Kamalalala or whatever your name is....."

'LOLITA' (1962) & 'LOLITA' (1997)......BQ DARES TO GAZE UPON DUELING NYMPHETS......

             

What a difference 35 years makes.......the time elapsed between Stanley Kubrick's version of the incendiary Vladimir Nabakov novel and Adrian Lyne's version. 

         There's no contest between which film sticks forever in the memories of cinema archivists and which one's long forgotten, barely remembered by anyone. 

          Kubrick's version, infused with cold, cruel satire and the comedy stylings of Peter Sellers, stood the test of time. 

          Lyne's film stayed as close to the novel in ways Kubrick couldn't dare to.  It fully envisioned the story as the saddest, most perverse romance ever told, coated in lush, sun-dappled cinematography and topped off with an aching, mournful Ennio Morricone score. 

           And hardly anyone saw it when it arrived in the U.S. and hardly anyone remembers it today. While it lacked that cutting edge brilliance and diamond hard ironic aloofness we'd come to expect from Stanley Kubrick, Lyne's traditional, earnest view of the material came with stunning, underappreciated performances by his film's two leads. 

          While only at the dawn of the 1960's era of increasing permissiveness, Kubrick could do little or nothing to translate the book's twisted eroticism without danger of being arrested. But you could sense that part of "Lolita" held little interest for him anyway. Humbert Humbert's destruction of himself and Lolita became rendered as an expansive cosmic joke, one long American road trip to hell.  You can almost hear Kubrick softly snickering at it under his breath. 

            It certainly bore little resemblance to the novel, but Kubrick knew how to make the story's dark, ultra provocative premise digestible and entertaining to a mainstream audience. (Not to mention keep himself and everybody involved in the film out of jail.......)

           Decades later, Adrian Lyne (of "Fatal Attraction", "Indecent Exposure" and "Flashdance") free of restraints affecting Kubrick, could do the unimaginable - graphically depict the tragic annihilation of Lolita's childhood at the hands of the obsessed, pathetic Humbert (as superbly played by Jeremy Irons.)

           Furthermore, the director could render Lolita as fully realized character. 15 year old Dominque Swain more than matched Jeremy Irons with her own nuanced performance, constantly mood swinging from teasing seductress to volatile, impulsive adolescent. Through it all she never lets you forget for one second that Lolita's the most victimized child ever created for literature and films.

           To watch both films back to back (as we did) provides amazing comparisons......to the times in which they were made and to the styles and intentions of the directors who made them.....

           Very different experiences........as if viewing two films produced on different planets......but we found each of them a worthy 4 star (****) experience. 

'BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE'.......A DOUBLE BEEF WHOPPER OF LUNACY FROM OUR FAVORITE FABULIST.....

 Beetlejuice Beetlejuice (2024)   So maybe this won't go down as the most perfectly crafted Tim Burton movie, but then who cares?

         Come to think of it, are there any perfectly crafted Tim Burton movies?  How could there be when he fearlessly colors outside the lines and revels in over-the-top visual excess?  Naturally the films come out sloppy and all over the place, but that's exactly what enchants us about Burton's bizarro universes. 

          We come for the crazy and wait for Burton to drop a bucket of unbridled insanity all over us. 

          And with this sequel to his 1988 hit fantasy with live-wire Michael Keaton, he does not disappoint. 

            No sense in describing what goes on in this film, other than to report that eternal jokester-demon Beetlejuice (Keaton) still lusts for the now adult Lydia Deetz (Winona Ryder).  And who better to play Lydia's daughter than the morosely deadpan flavor-the-month Jenna Ortega. 

           Happy to report that Burton and his screenwriters Milles Millar, Alfred Gough and Seth Grahaeme-Smith found new inventive madness to depict life in the Afterlife.  And it remains our favorite  Kafka-esque funhouse, operating as a beleaguered bureaucracy  overwhelmed by coping with a literal eternity of paperwork. 

          (We'd more likely believe the 'Beetlejuice' films representation of life after death than anything the churches are putting out......)

           Special mention must go to the film's giving Jimmy Webb's ridiculous overheated pop anthem "Macarthur Park" a thorough workout in the finale......never has a song found a more fitting movie to stumble into. 

           Too true.....the film's not as nimble and fast on its feet as the first 'Beetlejuice', but that shouldn't stop anyone from enjoying the heck out of it.  The real world gets nuttier as we speak so we don't envy Tim Burton and his co-creators trying to compete with today's daily headlines.

           Bless their strange little hearts.....they pulled it off. 4 stars (****).  

'THE SERIAL KILLER'S GUIDE TO SAN FRANCISCO'......A TOUR OF SERIAL KILLER SITES GETS WAY TOO REAL FOR ITS GUIDE......

 The Serial Killer's Guide To San Francisco by Michelle Chouinard (2024)

     Always a comfort to plunge into a good solid whodunit, loaded up with clues, red herrings and plenty of suspects to consider. And this book even throws in a bonus whodunit as well, a long ago closed case with a personal connection to our main character sleuth.

     And by no means your ordinary sleuth either. Capri Sanzio, a hard working single mom to college student Morgan,, conducts serial killer tours in San Francisco, a city whose chilly fogs and colorful history make a perfect backdrop. One downside - Capri must cope with her customers asking about her late grandfather, William 'Overkill Bill' Sanzio a convicted serial killer who died in jail still proclaiming his innocence.

     While still hoping to start a podcast where she'll re-investigate and hopefully exonerate her grandfather, some dire events overcome Capri. After Capri's divorce from her cheating ex husband, Sylvia,, her imperious wealthy former mother-in-law continued to fund Morgan's tuition. But now Syvia, for reasons of her own, cut off the tuition payments. Then shortly after her contentious phone calls with Capri and Morgan, she's found brutally murdered, the second victim of a killer determined to copy 'Overkill Bill's exact methods. This naturally puts Capri and her daughter at the very top of the lead police detective's suspect list......so Capri launches her own amateur but surprisingly effective hunt for the copycat killer. .

     Pure fun to read all the way, Lots of San Fran atmosphere, and entertaining byplay around Capri's relentless snooping that causes both amusement and exasperation in the detective who's officially in charge. And the expected, nail-biting killer-sleuth showdown is worthy of a Hitchcock movie. What more could you ask for in a mystery novel where the Golden Gate bridge looms nearby?

         4 stars (****)   This is one tour where you'd better keep together with the group and not wander off by yourself......

'WHEN THE WORLD TIPS OVER'.....A MYSTERIOUS BEAUTY UPENDS A TROUBLED FAMILY...

 When The World Tips Over by Jandy Nelson (2024)

      I don't think I've ever used the world 'overwhelming' in a posted review, but I might as well start with this one. What a sprawling, wondrous, heartfelt, saga Jendy Nelson conjures up here. It's a lengthy but fascinating feast of star-crossed love, painful truths told as fabulist tall tales and family histories afflicted with biblical-level tragedy. I don't know when I've come across a novel whose richly imagined storytelling and prose makes you ache for every character in it.

     In Northern California's wine growing country, the three siblings of the Fall family have come asunder, torn by their beloved father's unexplained disappearance from their lives. Quirky 12 year old Lizzie, a social outcast, sees ghosts sometimes. 17 year old 'Perfect' MIles is so secretly miserable, he's ready to resign the role of his family and community's 'Golden Boy'.. And 19 year old Wynton, brilliant musician and self destructive bad boy, seems destined for a path of either great fame or total doom......maybe both.

     Into each of their lives, comes a beautiful, almost other-worldly girl with rainbow colored hair. The two Fall brothers and their little sister find themselves entranced and enchanted by their encounters with her. And they will indeed be forever changed when the rainbow girl's backstory unfolds for the reader, an epic road trip filled with joy, cruelty, heartbreak and a stunning reveal which I certainly won't breathe a word about here.

     While I realize that the dives into magical realism may not be to everyone's taste, there's so much to absorb, experience and savor in this book that you can't help but surrender yourself to it and let all the emotion wash over you. Anyone searching for a read to lose themselves in totally.......I'd say look no farther.

        5 stars (*****). Make a place on your Must Read list......

'DRIVE AWAY DOLLS'......HALF-BAKED, WARMED OVER PULP FRICTION.....FROM ONE HALF OF THE COEN BROTHERS.....

 Drive Away Dolls (2024)......gave BQ flashback nausea over all those sucky would-be Tarantino knock-offs that rolled off the assembly line after 'Pulp Fiction' caught fire........

         So along comes this instant non-entity, a sucky, would-be Coen Brothers knock-off that smells like an A.I. programmer typed in, "Make an imitation LGBTQ Coen Brothers movie"

         What's scary......it didn't happen that way. This turdburger was slapped together by an actual real life Coen brother......Ethan. 

          But we suspect he started by feeding at least twenty old Coen brothers scripts into an A.I. database and typed "Make an imitation LGBTQ road trip look and sound like a Coen Brothers movie...."

         The resulting film is weird and depressing to behold.....similar to watching those Madame Tussaud's CGI attempts to de-age actors to resemble younger versions of themselves. Ewww. Yuk. 

          There's pathetic attempts at imitating Coen brothers dialogue banter, casual violence, gallows humor......all of it ground out like a can of generic instant coffee......

          And for reasons unclear to us, the film drags in psychadelic, lightshow laser rock visual gibberish, as if the producers raided the garbage bins of outtakes from old head-trip 1970's movies. 

           Okay, we'll stop now. Life's too short to waste on more precious minute on whatever the hall this movie is or isn't.

             Zero stars. (0). Nothing a well armed portable flame thrower couldn't cure.......

'A PLACE TO HIDE'.....A YOUNG DIPLOMAT REALIZES THE HORROR OF TRUMP'S 'VERY FINE PEOPLE'.....

 A Place To Hide by Ronald H. Balson (2024)

       I'm tempted to say how up-to-the-minute this book is, arriving in the very midst of our American election, but then.....oh well, I've already said it haven't I?

      This is one powerful, ambitious historical adventure, filled with meticulous research and enough genuine real life suspense and dread to fill a dozen thrillers. For sheer terror with the sweep of world-changing history, no era could compare with Hitler's conquering Nazi hordes marching across Europe. And as they swallow the continent, they fully enforce their so-called 'final solution' to Europe's Jewish population - total extermination.

      Caught in the swirl of horrendous oncoming events is Theordore 'Teddy Hartigan' a young State Department striver who found himself assigned to the thankless task of administrating refugee travel visas at the American consulate in Amsterdam. It's a heartbreaking futile effort for Teddy since the visa quotas are filled and he can do little or nothing to help thousands of desperate families seeking the sanctuary of America to avoid persecution and death at the hands of the Nazis
.
        Then Teddy, who naively thought Germany would not invade the Netherlands,, comes to fully comprehend the oncoming abomination. He's fallen in love with Sara, a Jewish schoolteacher and they've both come to adore little Katy, an orphaned, Jewish refugee. With travel papers impossible to obtain as Nazis march into Amsterdam, how can he possibly save them along with thousands of others trying to escape?

       Told in the form of memoirs dictated by a now elderly Teddy, "A Place To Hide' masterfully creates a full vivid picture of innocent people caught in the crush of the most unimaginable events in 20th century history. And that, for me was enough to keep me reading long into the night and eager to get right back to it the next day. Highest recommendation.

      (And I'll even resist saying things like....'and if you think it can't happen here'........oops, I did it again, didn't I.....Let's just say, if you remember to vote, you can prevent books like this sounding like Previews Of Coming Attractions. )

        5 stars (*****)

'UNDER CAPRICORN'.....UNDERWHELMING HITCHCOCK DOWN UNDER.....

Capricorn (1949)   We held off so long in reviewing this that we had to re-watch it to jog our addled movie memories. 

           As a lifelong Alfred Hitchcock fan, we're sorry to report that the passage of time hasn't made this film any better. It easily stands among the worst of his efforts.....talky, static, ponderous in its plotting and, we hate to say it.....visually a colossal bore. 

             The director's only real contribution here comes from his ongoing flirtation with long, long extended shots.....which everyone hoped his one-take experiment with "Rope" the year before had cured him of that gimmicky obsession.

              Set in early 19th century Sydney Australia, 'Capricorn's a turgid, overcooked melodrama without a scrap of suspense or mystery that Hitchcock became famous for. It's the kind of soaper that's right up Douglas Sirk's alley, but how this material attracted Hitchcock....well, you're more than welcome to figure it out. 

              Irish wastrel Charles Adair (Michael Wilding) lands in Sydney as excess baggage for his cousin, Sir Richard (Cecil Parker), the new governor of New South Wales. Oddly enough, Charles finds himself in a land deal with wealthy businessman Sam Flusky (Joseph Cotton). 

             Flusky was one of thousands of ex-convicts transported to Australia by Britain, who used Down Under as a continent-sized Alcatraz. Having served his sentence and made his fortune, the taciturn land baron lives a lonely life with his neurotic, depressed and frequently drunk wife Henrietta (Ingrid Bergman,  Lady Henrietta's cared for by vaguely sinister housekeeper Milly (Margaret Leighton) who's nursing an unrequited crush on Sam. 

             Flusky, desperate to bring Henrietta out of her funk, foolishly encourages Charles to befriend her. Charles, of course, falls head over heels for her......and both men remain unaware that Milly, much like the cold-hearted housekeeper of 'Rebecca' is driving Henrietta into madness, plying her with liquor and sedatives, then terrifying her by leaving a shrunken head on her pillow. 

            The plot thickens like mud when it's revealed that Sam and Henrietta share a tortured, tragic backstory of forever star-crossed lovers, We won't go any further describing this mess, other than to say it's somehow resolved, after much jabber-jabber-jabber from everyone involved.

             To no one's surprise, the film tanked on its initial release and don't hold your breath waiting to catch it on any Hitchcock retrospectives. 75 years later, it still stinks.  (And you shouldn't waste your breath looking for at least one of the director's startling flourishes, like Karin Dor's robe spilling out like a pool of blood in the otherwise dead-on-arrival "Topaz"

             For all Hitch completists (like us) see it once and no more. You might forget about it while you're actually watching it. 1 star (*).

             

'HANDS OF THE RIPPER'.....JACK'S LITTLE GIRL LIVES ON THE CUTTING EDGE.....

Hands Of The Ripper (1971) was the second half of a Hammer Horror double feature.....(we covered the first half, "Twins Of Evil" in yesterday's post.....) 

      With the glaring exception of its stark, unusually arty finale, the film follows a predictable trajectory for Hammer, livened up by some psycho-sexual perversion and bloody corpses. 

       Proceedings get off to a roaring start with our favorite London slice'n-dicer fleeing through fogbound back alleys, a raging mob at his heels. 

       Fresh from butchering his latest whore, Jack seeks sanctuary with....hold on....his lovely wife and toddler daughter.  How comforting. A family man, after all.

        But Jack's gotta be Jack, which means a quickie divorce by carving up Mama while his shrieking 3 year old baby girl looks on. Hmmm.....do you think this poor kid's going to have problems in later life?

        Heh, heh, heh, heh........

        15 years later (and still child-like) orphaned Anna (Angharad Rees) earns her keep providing ghostly voices for a fake medium (Margaret Rawlings).  If anyone makes the fatal error of showing the vulnerable girl close affection, Little Orphan Anna's possessed by Daddy's spirit and commences slashing. 

        (You'd be amazed how many people make that fatal error throughout the course of the film and lucky Anna, she's always within close proximity to something really sharp.....)

         She finds herself in the custody of earnest Freud-ian Dr. John Pritchard (Eric Porter). Unaware of her horrific backstory, he dedicates himself to delving into Anna's long suppressed childhood trauma. Uh....bad idea, Doc....there will be blood. 

          What sets this Hammer entry apart from all others is its visually stunning climax at London's famed 'whispering gallery' in a high tower of St. Paul's cathedral.  (which Hammer surprisingly replicated on a sound stage when denied access to the real gallery)

          In its final moments, the film reaches for a quietly reflective, somber and brutally tragic finish....... and way out of the ordinary for a "The End" to a Hammer film.  A weighty moment indeed, but the film itself does little to generate the kind of emotional heft to make that ending the knockout it wanted to be. 

          But you will find the usual Hammer good stuff.....the meticulous attention to period detail, the superb cast of British character actors headed by Eric Porter, who goes at like it's "The Forsyte Saga" with multiple impalements. 

          BQ says cook up mass quantities of popcorn and watch 'Ripper' along with its companion 'Twins Of Evil'.  A fun, 3 star (***) double feature of classier Grindhouse.

           

        

         

'TWINS OF EVIL'....'CAUSE YOU CAN NEVER HAVE ENOUGH PLAYBOY PLAYMATES IN A HAMMER MOVIE.....

 Twins Of Evil (1971)   By the time the '70's arrived, the Golden Age of Hammer horror began to wind down. 

         For sure, the glory days of Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee facing off to the pounding of James Bernard's music were in the rear view mirror. 

          Hammer didn't go down without a fight, though. Their new secret weapons to keep their hold on the zeitgeist:  Sex, naked babes and extra graphic gore they couldn't get away with in the 1960's. 

          You could notice the films struggling to maintain the high polish that built Hammer's reputation......especially their unique ability to make their period pieces appear lushly appointed, though shot cheaply. On the plus side, they could still draw upon the bottomless talent pool of the British acting community.

          Which is why we found the company's 1970's output a mixed bag.....a not-so-smooth blend of their old school professional polish with the exploitation tropes of grindhouse sex 'n violence bloodsoakers. 

            No better examples exist than their double-feature pairing of "Twins Of Evil " and "Hands Of The Ripper" in 1971.

             Today, we'll stick with the twins played by.....gadzooks!  Real twins, played by gorgeous Playboy cover girls, Mary and Madeline Collinson. 

              But could either of them act?  Or do anything on screen other than stand there and look stunning? 

              The answer:   Uh....well.....let's just say they came off as remarkably competent. They didn't embarrass themselves and turn the film into a campy disaster. Come to think of it, compared Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, they're Meryl Streep...doubled. 

              Back we go to those fun times in 17th century Central Europe, where the local yokels like their women extra crispy on a bonfire worthy of a frat party.  Rabid Puritan Witchhunter-in-Chief Gustav Weil (Peter Cushing, in fine form) and his loyal gang of        Weil-ees go about the countryside doing God's work -torching innocent young girls they suspect of hocus-pokery.

            Sneering and unafraid of them is depraved, debauched and dashing Count Karnstein (Damien Thomas), who prefers his hotties live and ready for Count-mounting. 

            Enter Weil's identical cutie-pie nieces Maria and Frieda (the Collinsons). Maria's a gentle sweety but wild child Frieda unwisely hangs out with the Count, who's been freshly turned into a vampire. The foolish Frieda, naturally, becomes a seductive bloodsucker after getting fanged by the Count. 

            And then, bring on the expected chaos, as Weil and company storm Castle Karnstein and poor Maria ends up scheduled as the next main attraction on the town's barbecue.

            It does sound like fun, and some of the gore is startling. The twins are indeed a dream to gaze upon and their amateur stabs at acting could've come out a lot worse, so we shouldn't complain.  Cushing's cold blooded rage and frenzy does both him and film proud and director John Hough moves things along with trim efficiency. 

            Just don't expect the glossy, classy sheen that made the Hammer Horrors of the 50's and 60's so unforgettable and iconic. In the anything-goes, free-for-all 70's, they're simply trying to stay afloat.....

          3 stars (***)

            

               

'KINDS OF KINDNESS'........LANTHIMOS' BIZARRO WORLD....BUT REALLY, IS IT ALL THAT BIZARRO IN 2024?

 Kinds Of Kindness (2024)   If this Yorgos Lanthimos 2 & 1/2 hour slog into upside-down weird absurdity had come out a decade or so ago, we might have reviewed it like this?

          "A trio of stories taking place in a warped Bizarro World of casual cruelty, insanity, routine carnage, sexual assault and demented obsessions......all designed to make you scratch your head in disbelief, cringe in your seat, or snicker at the lunacy of it all...."

         That overall description of the film still holds true......but with one unsettling observation....

         In 2024, is the behavior of the characters in "Kinds Of Kindness" all that Bizarro?

         In about 8 weeks from now, we face the very real danger of the United States falling into the hands of one the most despicable, depraved and psychotic human beings who ever walked the face of the earth.......thanks to millions of people who sacrificed their minds and sold their souls to worship him like a deity. (Especially the most supposed pious of them....)

       So forgive us if we don't gasp and sputter at this film's steeped-in-irony spectacle of watching people who've incorporated madness into their everyday lifestyles. 

         There's a reason we titled our Friday current events post "Weekend Madness Wrap-Up".  How can any fictitious plunge into Bizarro World that filmmakers splatter on the screen ever hope to compare with today's daily headlines?

         We'll not go into a tedious recitation of the three separate stories on display here, cast in repertory theater style with the same core group of actors playing different roles in each episode. (Jesse Plemons, Emma Stone, Willem Defoe, Margaret Qualley, Joe Alwyn, Mamoudou Athie)

        Imagine an R-rated 'Twilight Zone' stretched out to the butt-numbing length of a self-indulgent Culture Vulture film festival entry. Unwatchable even with its deliberate excesses of sex and violence. 

         Yes, the film's no doubt designed to provoke an audience into heated discussions and arguments about its themes and intentions.....but we smell a pretentious poseur in Lanthimos, so we're not buyin' into it.

          If you're a cinema completist who simply must watch it, (BQ's excuse), view it as a deliberately warped funhouse mirror image of...uh....'the way we live now'. Where every normal value and guardposts of civilized society are out the window.....gone with the wind.  Everybody else can get the same effect by just turning on the nightly news. 

          Our strong advice.....absorb it only in half hour increments at a time....like periodic teaspoons of foul tasting medicine. 

          (Honestly, if there'd been any actor in this less charismatic than Emma Stone, we're not sure we could've sat through even 10 minutes of it, let alone 164.)

          1/2 of a star, and that's only for Emma. 

         

           

           

WEEKEND MADNESS WRAP-UP.....EXCLUSIVE! BQ ASKS TRUMP TO EXPLAIN HIMSELF.......

BQ recently snuck into Mar-A-Lago (cleverly disguised as J.D. Vance, wringing a cat's neck) and managed to corral the ex-President for an interview.....(sealing the deal by promising not to release the photo we snapped of him doctoring his golf scores...)  

      We proudly present the unedited (God help us) transcript:

BQ: Mr. ex-President and current felon, could you take us through that explanation you gave on Child Care, 'cause it seemed a little unclear to us....and pretty much everyone else who heard it.

Trump: That's cause you're part of the crooked lamestream media who twists all the good words I know.....and they're the best words, believe me, nobody knows words like me, they're all very stable genius words. 

BQ: Such as.....

Trump: Okay, let's take Child Care. That's three words.  Nobody takes care of children like I do, having raised two idiot sons, the beautiful, kissable Ivanka, that that tall kid that Melenoma squirted out, and whats-her-name. And that's way more kids than anybody in the world has ever had, even Hannibal Lector. You know, Dr. Lector, I don't think he even had kids.....maybe he did after all, but chances are, they got eaten by sharks when they jumped off an electric boat  The statistics are scary, trust me.

BQ: Scary indeed, whenever you speak. Let's get back to child care......

Trump: The great thing about Child Care, is....and I know this for a fact, is that you can't be childless if you're gonna have children...see, once you do, you're officially off the 'childless' demographic, because....well, you got kids in the house so you could finally get rid of that darn cat. Did you know that was a Disney movie long ago....that darn cat. Just filled with childless women just like J.D. warned about.....that's the Hollywood elites for you, they let cats run all over their movies, but they kill that nice dog Old Yeller.

BQ:  We'll make no attempt here to understand what you just said. But you do know Old Yeller was insane with rabies and foaming at the mouth.....much like yourself when you're speaking publicly.

Trump: That was very unfair and typical of your bias, just like that ABC news crowd, like George Shumck-a-dopolis and Opie Winfrey.....you know I remember when Opie was so little on that TV show, who knew he was gonna grow up and make that movie about J.D.'s inbred family, what was it called again?  The Beverly Hillbilly Elephant Man?

BQ: Mr. ex-president and Putin-lover, I hate to point this out, but you've spoken nothing but utterly incomprehensible gibberish since we started this interview.  

Trump: No wonder I'm leading in all the polls, or at least the ones they're polling with people who move their lips when they read. And brain-dead women on life support, you wouldn't believe how my numbers are skyrocketing within that group. All these incredible groups they're sampling.....Puerto Rico dwarves, Teenage AR-15 gun clubs, Aging Republicans in the final stages of Alzheimers and Hulk Hogan's immediate family.....I'm leading in all those groups. But I don't think you'll report that , will you?

BQ: Actually, we're posting all of what transpired here....in a word for word transcript. 

Trump: Well, you should leave out the word 'trans' cause my MAGA foot soldiers won't tolerate those tootie-frooties trying to figure out what bathroom they're suppose to use. And when I'm at some public event, how am I supposed to figure out who's pussy to squeeze...or if even if it really is a pussy that tucked under there.

BQ: Thank you for taking the time to speak with us, Mr. Trump. Once again, you 've given us a clear look at who you are, what you are, and how unfit you are for the Presidency. 

Trump:  I'm completely fit, believe me. My doctor says I could live another 50 to sixty years, just like those Sequoias.....wait, aren't they an NBA basketball team? Jeez I hope they're not ugly women......

BQ: Good night Mr. President.....you always top yourself......

SO SORRY...BQ UNDONE BY TECHNOLOGY GONE AWRY!

      Our ability to post has been thwarted by our evil, malignant laptop, which at only 8 months old, went belly up yesterday. While it's currently in intensive care, we'll try to find an alternate path to keep on bloggin'.  

      We knew something went wrong when the Satanic machine began warbling, "Daisy....Daisy....give me your answer do...."

         Stay tuned......like Arnold's Terminator, we'll be back. And hopefully sooner than the next James Bond movie.....

'THE TRAP'.....AGENT EMMA ONCE AGAIN VERSUS DASTARDLY RUSSIANS....

 The Trap by Ava Glass (2024)

       Overjoyed to get my hands on Ava Glass’s third thrill ride adventure about another dangerous mission for the young, fearless British spy, Emma Makepeace.

      Emma, working for a “sort of” offshoot of British Intelligence MI6, once again faces off against her lifelong hated enemies of the Russian secret service. (Her father died at their hands when she was a child.) And once again, they’re up to no good -planning some kind of catastrophic, violent disruption of the U.S.-European G7 economic summit due to happen at a Scottish castle in Edinburgh.

      Our girl Emma’s tasked with surveilling and then befriending (in…uh.. possibly more ways than one) Nick Orlov, a former Russian citizen turned millionaire oil dealer based in Edinburgh. He’s a dashing, handsome notorious ladies man, but now he’s being pressured by brutal Russian agents to help them in whatever terroristic event they’ve cooked up for the G7.

      From there, it’s one swift, suspenseful moment after another as Emma throws herself into harm’s way to get to the bottom of things, foil the Russians, and save the free world while bravely serving on His Majesty’s Secret Service. Along the way she ends up with an unlikely but invaluable partner in suffer-no-fools Scottish cop Kate Mackenzie and a stunning personal surprise for herself.

      For all lovers of action-adventure spy fiction, this series is a 5 star must. (*****) And since the James Bond producers move at the rate of dead snails to make another one, here’s the best book to curl up with till they get around to it.  

'WHAT TIME THE SEXTON'S BLADE DOTH RUST'...OUR FAVORITE GIRL DETECTIVE'S NEWEST, MOST SURPRISING CASE.....

 What Time The Sexton's Blade Doth Rust by Alan Bradley (2024)

     This is one of those books that gives you such a pleasurable reading experience that you’re sorry to see it end, and you start missing the main characters as soon as if you’ve reached the last page.

     I’m at a loss as to who could resist the almost teen-aged Flavia de Luce – frighteningly erudite, wise beyond her years, and brilliant chemist whose mastery of poisons and assorted clues make her rival Sherlock Holmes. Not to mention her stream of devasting insights, observations and witticisms that make her sound like a wicked combination of Oscar Wilde, Noel Coward and George Bernard Shaw.

     As in the previous 10 episodes of this series, we’re back in early 1950’s post-war England, where the orphaned Flavia lives in her family’s country estate with her two older sisters. She’s currently being driven to the point of near murder by her wild-child, holy terror younger cousin Undine, who more than matches Flavia in her capacity boldness, outrageous behavior and overall troublemaking.

     Speaking of murder, there’s the question of who poisoned Major Grayleigh, a retired hangman who lived in a neighboring cottage. Suspicion falls on Flavia’s beloved family cook Mrs. Mullet, who also prepared the Major’s breakfast, but Flavia, of course, knows better. Cracking the case is up to her and longtime estate gardener Dogger, her partner-in-crime-solving and friend of her late father. Joining the hunt, whether anyone likes it or not, is the ever present, constantly infuriating but somehow strangely endearing Undine.

     But on her way to identifying the killer and motive, there’s some truly earthshaking twists and revelations in store for Flavia that go far beyond the murder of Major Grayleigh. It’s pure storytelling bliss to watch her face up to and defiantly face down some of the most daunting situations thrown in her path. And the wit and wisdom in her narration can leave you either smiling, laughing out loud and sighing for her……sometimes all in the same paragraph.

      If that isn’t a 5 star read, I don’t know what is. I don’t even want to think about the possibility of this being the last book in the series…too depressing to contemplate. Please, Alan Bradly.....way it isn't so.

(*****)