Indiana Jones And The Dial Of Destiny (2023) Couldn't help chuckling over that title........
For most of us suffering through this globally warmed up summer, the only dial of destiny we care about is the thermostat on the air conditioning system.......
But let us now turn to the latest ancient rare artifact chased by the now elderly Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones (played by who else, the near immortal 80 year old Harrison Ford.)
The archeological McGuffin he seeks.....some kind of clock thing made by Archimedes.....broken into two pieces and not usable unless someone finds both of 'em to snap together like Legos. Put the whats-it back together again and you can use it to........well let's just say you can do more with it than set it to wake you up in the morning......
I digress, I realize. What you all want to know is whether this 5th (and what I assume is Ford's last) Indiana Jones film is a worthy addition to the franchise.
Yes and no......which I'll explain.
Good news......at the very least, it's a huge improvement over the last one, the universally mocked and reviled 'Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull'. No fridge-nuking, I promise.....
More good news......for one last time, we all get see Harrison Ford strut his Indy stuff, even if the very idea of him doing all this at 80 years old sounds ridiculous......
Of course it is.......but then remember, so are creepy angels melting Nazis, creepy Thugees pulling still beating hearts out of bodies and fake Holy Grail cups turning you into instant dust......
Further good news, the new pile of screenwriters found a way to rid the series of Indy's son (the annoying Shia LaBeouf) in such a way as to amp up the angst of the aging prof.....as well as bringing back beloved ally Sallah (John Rhys-Davies)
Now the bad news......the addition of the monumentally overrated flavor-the-month Phoebe Waller-Bridge as Indy's god-daughter. Her character, a rapacious treasure-hunter only in it for the cash, spends the bulk of the movie as some kind of semi-ally-frenemy to Indy. A terrible miscasting....
Waller-Bridge comes off like a character actress who somehow stumbled into a lead role. I suppose the idea here was to create a passing-of-the-torch heroine who's both endearing and empowering......and maybe even spin off into a series of their own.......But with PWB? Yikes.
Memo to Disney-Lucasfilm execs......you're dreaming if you think Waller-Bridge could make that happen for you. We sat through this overstuffed, overlong 154 minute Indy movie for Harrison Ford alone. Not in this universe or any other would anyone other than PWB's immediate family buy a ticket to any spinoff with her character.......get real, guys.
Moving on to good-bad news......the film does make an exhausting effort to duplicate the kind of outrageously spectacular action sequences that Steven Spielberg so thrilled us with way back in 1981's "Raiders Of The Lost Ark",,,,,and what a joy to hear those scenes thrillingly scored, as always, by master of maestros John Williams.
But two key factors ruin all those fights and chases.......the massive over-reliance of CGI and the chop-chop mincemeat editing of the action.
So therefore literally nothing in front of your eyes looks real, with everything drawn and animated by the armies of digital artists who make the end credit crawl drag on for 15 minutes. And even if you try to pretend it's real, you couldn't really see what's going on anyway......the frenzied editing reduces the action to visual confetti.
Yes, the advances in CGI enabled the filmmakers to effectively de-age Ford down to thirty-something, so we can enjoy the spectacle of him punching out 1940's Nazis. But even devoid of that chilling 'Uncanny Valley' effect, you're always still aware it's a trick......
Final thoughts.......I'm not sorry I paid to see it on the big screen instead of waiting for it to inevitably wander over to Disney Plus (Indy's new landlord).
Unlike some other fans, I had no problem with the truly bonkers climax, which breaks way over-the-top new ground...even for an Indy adventure.
Best moment for BQ......the very last minute or so. For everyone who still well remembers "Raiders Of The Lost Ark".....the film cleverly wraps up with a bit likely wring out a tear or two.....
Farewell Indy.....at long last, enjoy retirement. 2 & 1/2 stars (**1/2) (Would've bumped it up to 3 stars if only they'd cast anyone other than the tedious Waller-Bridge.)
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