Wonder Woman 1984 This one took us by surprise......
.......at how completely awful it was, a disaster in virtually every single component.......acting, directing, screenplay.......even the special effects looked tiresome.
At 150 minutes, it goes through long, long stretches where nothing of any interest happens. When the action set pieces finally do pop up, they're like alarm clocks going off in the middle of your sleep.
But not to worry, once they're done, you can go right back to snoozing.
Here's the point where we're supposed to describe the plot........and just the thought of it sends us into deep yawns.
It's basically a bloated reboot of the classic short story "The Monkey's Paw"......a mysterious statuette enables its owners to wish for anything they want. And before you can say, "be careful what you wish for", the whole world's in serious trouble from wishes gone awry.
That's because the wish-whatchamacallit falls into the hands to two unlikely characters - a blowhard, desperate corporate con-man with a collapsing oil lease scam (Pedro Pascal) and a mousy, socially awkward museum archeologist (Kristen Wiig) befriended by our one and only Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot).
Over the course of this dreary slog, Pascal's turned into a lunatic Midas with a God complex and Wiig's transformed herself into some kind jungle cat supervillain.....(by the end of the film, she's costumed like a refugee from the "Cats" mega-trainwreck movie.
With all the wish fulfillment going on here, Gadot's WW ends up with a resurrected version of her deceased World War 2 boy-toy, once again played by Chris Pine..
All of this nonsense takes forever to play out and since it comes from the usually gloom-and-doom DC comics universe, there's none of the sprightly, snarky pop culture humor you'd find in the Marvel superhero romps.
It just plods on and on, which gives a viewer plenty to time to notice everything that's gone wrong in the movie, particularly the miscast Wiig's strenuous efforts to make her villain a slightly more nasty variation of one of her many repetitive "Saturday Night Live" characters..
By the time this movie ground to a halt, we were left wondering how Warner Brothers ever approved this script and okayed the gobs of money it took to make it.
We can only feel great sympathy and sorrow for the movie theater companies who pinned their fragile hopes on this mess, hoping it would attract some brave hardy souls to don their masks and buy a ticket to sit down and watch it on a big screen.
Those who did quickly found out it wasn't worth watching on any size screen, A double whammy for the theaters, who'd also harbored high expectations for "Tenet".......which turned out to be a indigestible, convoluted mass of gibberish.
You'll find no wonder in this new 'Wonder Woman'....only blunders. Zero stars (0).
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