Kisses For My President (1964)........seems wildly ahead of its time for 1964......a comedy about the first woman President Of The United States? Say whaaaaaaa?
Here's a surprise.....in some of its plot points, its remarkably prescient in its treatment of national and international politics.
What's no surprise at all......ultimately it stays firmly grounded in the culture and attitudes of 1964.......and in its final few minutes, the movie reminds us of that with a double whammy sledgehammer of a twist.
But first things first. 40 million determined women voters defy male domination and put Leslie McCloud (Polly Bergen) into the White House as the first woman POTUS.
Unlike the grifters in the Trump family, Leslie's husband Thad (Fred MacMurray) sells his electronics company and tries adjusting to life as the first 'First Man'.....cue all the expected awkwardness.
The problem of course, is that he's never once referred to as The First Man....and thinks of himself only as an emasculated male First Lady. He bristles at the thought of sleeping alone in the First Lady's quarters, which appears still decorated for Martha Washington.
And his attempts to get frisky with the Polly the Prez are invariably interrupted by multiple phone calls.....on multiple phones.
MacMurray, honing his comedic skills as the fumbling, bumbling all-American boob, has to work extra hard for laughs, since the script contains only a bare minimum of the kind of witty lines a movie like this so desperately needed.
(We won't even bother discussing the dreary tiresome subplot of MacMurray tempted with a job offer by a predatory diva (Arlene Dahl) hoping to slap his name on her cosmetics line. Double yawn.....)
Meanwhile, Bergen, beautiful and impeccably styled, defends herself and the country from enemies both foreign and domestic. She deftly copes with a banana republic dictator (Eli Wallach, game to ham it up, but like MacMurray, laboring with a mirthless script)
On the the domestic side, Bergen spars with a corrupt Mitch McConnell-type senator (that horn-rimmed glasses gasbag Edward Andrews) who threatens to shut down her administration agenda unless she props up Wallach's loot-the-treasury regime with U.S. aid. Andrews oily wheeler-dealer warns her that Wallach, if taken off the U.S. tit, will go running to the Russian commies for cash and support.
Now that stuff certainly still rings true, with the U.S. forever suffering the consequences of bolstering corrupt Third World strongmen to keep Russia at bay. But then the movie takes its own dumbly conceived flight of fancy......Wallach does go to the commies with his hand out, but the film has the Russian ambassador (the jolly John Banner of "Hogan's Heroes") kicking him out......
Yeah right......only in liberal Hollywood's dreams would the USSR pass up a chance to control a South American country.
On the supposedly funny side of things, MacMurray's many mishaps include a disastrous stab at conducting a taped TV White House tour after swilling down some booze, sedatives and uppers. Also thrown into the mix is the First Daughter (Ahna Capri) hangin' out with a delinquent hot-rodder named 'Sneaker' and MacMurray and Bergen's 10 year old son turned into an obnoxious bully, intimidating his classmates and teachers with his Secret Service contingent.
One particular repulsive moment stuck in our head........MacMurray, relating an anecdote about a typical meet-and-greet photo op with a girl scout troop, mocks a little girl's lisp for a cheap laugh. Yes, it comes off as nauseating as it sounds.
And now let us arrive at that lollopalooza of a finale........(At this point, we should announce a jumbo SPOILER ALERT.....YOU BETTER BELIEVE WE'RE GONNA BLOW THE STUPID ENDING OF THIS MOVIE.....OKAY? )
After navigating and surviving all these political and would-be comic pitfalls, Bergen suddenly faints away.....and declared pregnant....(no doubt from when she and MacMurray flung pillows across the bank of White House phones before gettin' busy....)
Bergen immediately calls a press conference.....and prepare yourselves....... resigns the Presidency, deciding she can't run the country while growing a human inside her.
And in a mighty triumph of the Patriarchy, MacMurray, while ushering her and kids out of the White House for the last time, refers to her as 'mother' and cracks, "It took 40 million women to get you in here and only one man to get you out....."
.......bringing the movie crashing right back down into 1964.
Now there's an ending guaranteed to make everybody today either throw up, roll their eyes, groan audibly or start hurling things at the flatscreen. Possibly all those things at once.
Well, maybe not everybody. Mike Pence might love it.
For all rational, 2021 sane human beings,(and we hardcore film buffs) the movie settles for being a 1 star (*) product of its times. Approach with extreme caution.
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