Where the hell do all these Wal-Mart movies come from? Stopped in to peruse Big W's video shelves.....who in God's name produced all these DVDS that neither we nor anyone else in the known civilized world ever heard of? And we couldn't help but notice more than few of them have big stars....which shoots down our theory that Wal-Mart employees produce these movies out in the parking lot during their breaks. For actors who crave steady work....more power to 'em.....starring in Direct-To-Wal-Mart movies might well have replaced summer stock and game shows as career picker-uppers.....
Who still thinks it's still a viable idea to make crappy movies out of 1970's TV shows that were never that good to begin with? Yes, we get it....the idea is create a hip re-invention that simultaneously lampoons the original material while updating it with state of the art raunchy gags and loads of CGI explosions. How 'bout this for an idea......spend all that money and creative energy on an original idea instead of decorating the corpse of an old television show....Just sayin'........
Memo To Movie Studios - Re: Multi-Plex Trailers If you force feed us six trailers in a row that are essentially identical.....breaking news, idiots, we tend not to remember any of them, their titles or what the hell they were ever about. The only thing we remember about them is nudging whoever we came with and whispering, "....wait for Netflix...."
Memo To Publishers - Stop Referring To Every Thriller As 'The Next Gone Girl' Oh my God....you mean that character was lying to us all along?? We haven't been that surprised since......since the last ten books we read......
Divine guidance for all producers, writers and directors of faith-based films.... Your local Barnes and Noble has a section that carries all sorts of manuals and guides on how to make films.....buy some, go home and crack them open. You need to understand the difference between communicating with a film audience as opposed to preaching to the Sunday morning congregants. Hint: the film audience expects to stay awake. And stop casting the supporting roles with people who didn't get picked to bring the potato salad to the Church picnic.....
To the singing pig from "Sing": Go away. Now. And forever....
To "President" Trump: See memo above regarding the singing pig..... and as for all your poor minions who go out every day and twist their tongues into knots defending you......jeez, at least dress them up in those spiffy red jumpsuits..... like the Blofeld hench-people in the Bond films.
To Rachel Maddow: For once in your life, don't take twenty minutes to make your friggin' point....life is short....spit it out already, while we're all still young....
Whew.....the BQ feels much better now.....until we rant again.....
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