'ZEPPELIN'....ONE NATION...IN DIRIGIBLE....WITH GERMANY AND JUST DESSERTS FOR ALL......

 Zeppelin (1971)    Really, really wanted to love this one, because there's nothing BQ adores more than a good, solid, muscular war adventure.....preferably with a high body count of Nazi soldiers and officers.

         (Just check out the reviews of some of my favorites like "Where Eagles Dare" (on 5/29/17) and more recently, "Operation Crossbow" (on 10/11/22)......)

         Usually, the best directors for rip-roarin' war movies are those typical, no-nonsense British 'Field Marshall' directors, like Guy Hamilton, J. Lee Thompson, Richard Attenborough, John Guillerman, 
Lewis Gilbert and similar helmers.....

         And that's what 'Zeppelin' so desperately needed. The potential to make a real corker of a suspense-action crowd-pleaser was waiting..... with a World War I setting that pits Great Britain against Germany's new state-of-the-art airship capable to dropping bombs on London from heights beyond the range of the era's single propeller fighter planes.

          Certainly composer Roy Budd knew what kind of movie it was supposed to be, starting it off with a rousing military theme against the vision of an picturesque sky.

           But for some incomprehensible reason (budget, I'm guessing), this movie fell into the hands of a Etienne Perier, a journeyman French director with a prolific but unimpressive filmography.

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           The movie does contain everything you'd expect it to......undercover spying, decently rendered special effects shots of the Zeppelin, furious firefights, explosions and aerial battle duels between British fighter planes and the Zeppelin crew. 

           Sadly, Perier seems to show minimal interest or connection to the story he's telling, directing the entire film with a detached, remote slackness.  The movie just lumbers along with the deliberate pacing of a made-for-TV film........and the climactic battles display the usual amount of noise, but a total lack of excitement or urgency.

            It doesn't help that the script makes its hero kind of a helpless pawn throughout most of the movie. Played by Michael York, he's a Scottish soldier with a German-British family background. A London based Mata Hari type (the alluring Alexandra Stewart) thinks she's prepping him to turn traitor, but York and his superiors are on to her......and let her arrange York's defection to the Fatherland to spy on that new huge Zeppelin.  

            The Huns, played by the reliably villainous Anton Diffring and Peter Carsten, plan to float the Zepp over Scotland to drop in a commando squad and swipe the Magna Carta no less.....thus striking a demoralizing blow to Merry Olde England.  But guess who's on board to stop them.......

             What's truly odd for this film.......you get the feeling it doesn't much care what side you root for. Perier's barely there direction takes an even-handed approach to the action, even showing Diffring and Carsten bravely sacrificing themselves to keep the Zepp airborne.   

              I can't tell if the movie's asking us to take a step back and watch both sides have at it without committing to either one.  But I seriously doubt the producers here wanted such a lofty, artistic vision.......more likely, they wanted a World War I version of "Where Eagles Dare". 

            That's far from that they got, making this film forgettable from the day of its release.

            Can't say much else, except it also wastes that dazzler Elke Sommer in a drab throwaway role........when bullets perforate this Zeppelin, its rapid deflation becomes a metaphor for the movie itself.....2 stars (**).

'HOUSE' & 'GOKE, BODY SNATCHER FROM HELL'.....JAPAN-A-MADNESS!

         Sorry for not posting yesterday, but doctor's visits and other complications filled up BQ's Monday to the max.......to make up for it.....I proudly present a double feature.

          And what a double feature. At about 90 minutes apiece, that accounts for 3 hours of absolute batshit crazy, down-the-rabbit-hole, Japanese horror and sci-fi.  You could seriously end up with brain damage watching these two back to back......or permanent cinematic PTSD......

           Let's start with the now legendary House (1977), which gives viewers the impression they're either on a bad acid trip or watching coming attractions of every bonkers, special effects laden MTV music video ever made......

           Seven schoolgirls, who babble on like refugees from anime or manga, unwisely stay at the remote countryside of home of the lead girl's kindly aunt.  Unwise, I point out, cause auntie's one dipsy-doodle crazy-ass witch. And she commences to orchestrate spectacularly loony, phantasmagorical deaths for the girls, customized for each one's personality and quirks.  

           Don't worry about keeping track of this crowd - they're easily identified for your convenience. The lead is named Gorgeous. The big eater is Mac (I guess because she either digs mac-and-cheese or Big Macs. Take a wild guess as to what the cutie named Kung Fu specializes in  The piano player's Melody, the smart one who wears glasses is Prof.....and so on and so on.....

           As the film proceeds, drenched in primary colors, stylized sets and assorted editing/camera tricks and flourishes, the girls succumb to their nightmarish, but oddly comic fates.  And all of this accomplished with an array of startling special effects that range from genuinely dazzling to deliberately cartoonish. 

          The overall impression delivers something horror film directors have been attempting since the genre began.......a movie that makes you think you're living inside someone else's worst nightmare, complete with all the warping of people and places you'd see in your own bad dreams. 

          Put your hands together then for director Nobuhiko Obayashi.  Oh brother did he pull it off. (And having watched the Criterion edition of "House", I'm trying to remember if any of the cinema celebs in those 'Criterion Closet' YouTube videos ever plucked this one off the shelves to keep.....) 4 stars (****)

           Moving right along, let's hop on a jet plane zooming straight into sci-fi/horror hell, with yet another lunatic cult favorite Goke, Body Snatcher From Hell (1968).

            I remember, with great affection from my early career as a Video Store movie buyer, the big fat paper box that the VHS tape of this came in......and what a big hit it was among the store's dedicated horror fan clientele......

            And certainly Quentin Tarantino never forgot the film's opening sequence of the plane flying through a hellish, blood red sky, filled with frenzied birds smashing themselves to pieces against the plane's windows.  A loving homage appears to that startling sky in "Kill Bill, Vol.1", as Uma Thurman flies through it on her way to Japan. 

            You want everything but the kitchen sink in your horror? Dig in.....this movie rolls out alien invasion, glowing flying saucers, squishy blobs, zombie-fied earthlings, literally head-splitting make up effects......and vampire blood sucking. What more could one ask for?

           Back on the jet plane, this flight features a full compliment of obnoxious, ship-of-fools passengers, most of them doomed to throw each other under the bus when bad things happen....with the possible exceptions of the stalwart co-pilot and plucky stewardess......(as if they didn't have enough problems; the passenger list already included a political assassin and a mad bomber)....

           Since these poor shmucks fly directly into a flying saucer attack, lots of bad things happen, starting with the plane crashing, rendered with a burst of  miniature special effects that look lifted from an old Godzilla movie.  While they're grounded, the alien blob splits open the head of the assassin guy and makes itself right at home there, turning him into a....you bet....a bloodsucker with one hell of a migraine,  going straight for the jugular. 

            Yes, all of what follows in "Goke"  fulfills its promise of unfiltered insanity, gooey horror and even a bit of a twist before the fatalistic finale. And kudos for keeping the film up-to-date with the events of its era.....political assassination and the inclusion of an American war widow (Kathy Horan) on her way to Japan to bring back the body of her husband, a Vietnam fatality. 

            (And you gotta love the go-for-broke, Horan, a beautiful blonde who, as the only English speaker in the cast, somehow gets through to the Japanese cast.  Doesn't matter, really....by the halfway point, most of her dialogue consists of shrieking, "I want to live!"  Hah....fat chance in this movie, Kathy....)

            A visual stunner from start to finish, and a worthy addition to the pantheon of Madly Berserk Cinema.....no sci-fi/horror buff should dare miss it. 4 stars (****)

             What a wonderful pair of films to watch together.....except for the possible side effect of leaving a viewer in dire need of therapy.......Enjoy!

         

WHO KILLED THAT GUY ON THE MOUNTAINTOP BOOKSTORE?? THE SANDY QUILL CAN FILL YOU IN!

          

          A big beautiful bookshop situated on the side of a ski resort mountain......so how did a murder victim pop up on one of the gondolas that ride up there?

           Brand new on store shelves this week is Ann Claire's delightful cozy mystery "Dead And Gondola" a clever and witty new series featuring the bookshop's owners the Christie sisters. 

            The Christies bear no relation to the legendary Agatha, but just like Miss Marple and Hercule Poirot, they're out to find out whodunit......and you won't be able to turn the pages fast enough.

            For all the inside info and a full review of "Dead And Gondola", head on over to www.thesandquill.blogspot.com......and while there, you can enjoy all of The Sandy Quill's other informative reviews. See you there......

WEEKEND MADNESS WRAP-UP......SPECIAL "HASTA LA VISTA, DEMOCRACY" EDITION.....

       

        I can't kid around about this......The United States Of America, the version we all grew up with, you know, the one created 246 years ago, way back in 1776....could go bye-bye on November 8th.  . 

          Democracy as we know it, might only have 5 days left. I can hardly believe I'm typing this. 

          If the worst comes to pass, the destruction of the 'Great American Experiment' will stand as Donald Trump's ultimate achievement. Like a slowly metastasizing cancer, he infected the country with hate, stupidity, corruption and a veritable death-dealing tsunami of lies.

           Like a depraved cult leader, he turned millions of formerly rational, intelligent Americans into mindless, soulless zombies.   And he fattened his wallet with their money while he weakened whatever was left of their minds.  At his Hitler-like rallies, he feeds them his steady diet of lies, which his minions gobble up like pigs in a trough.  And still do.

            The mind-boggling, horrifying irony of all this......MAGA was and is nothing more than another one of Trump's colossal grifts....a scam, just like Trump University and Trump steaks.. He believes none of the verbal excrement he spews out of his mouth to rev up his brainwashed Trumpanzees......

            Forever and always, Trump believes in nothing......only in whatever will guarantee him the greater glorification of Trump.  Above all else, Trump worships Trump.....everything else is a con, a come-on, a trick to part the suckers from their cash.....and their votes. 

           Tragically, even if truth, justice and accountability finally bring him to the jail time he's] richly deserved for decades, the irreparable damage he wreaked on the United States will take generations to repair and heal. 

            But as of now, there's no real guarantee any of that will happen.  Even worse, we've been forced to live in the warped Trumpian universe, where his crazed zombies, their addled minds poisoned by Trump and QAnon rubbish, seek out Trump's political foes to exact bloody vengeance.

           Trump's hands drip with the blood spilled by his goons....the blood of Capitol police and the blood that poured from the cracked skull of Nancy Pelosi's husband.  And make no mistake....consider it a preview of coming attractions....look up Nazi Germany in the history books.

            This imminent election is fraught with peril to democracy and the USA.....populated by GOP candidates of staggering ineptitude and idiocy.......election deniers, grifters, neo-Nazis and babbling imbeciles like Hershel Walker, espousing abortion bans while paying for his girlfriends abortions.

            They're all children of Trump.......you can tell by the way they won't believe any election results that declare them losers......(which they'll always be, even if they win....)

             Should the horror continue and they prevail.........prepare to adjust to living in a different country than the United States Of America.......you know the one I mean, the 1776 one. 

             Hasta La Vista, democracy.......we hardly knew ye.......Vote. And RESIST!

         

'THE FACE OF FU MANCHU'......YESTERYEAR'S MOST POLITCALLY INCORRECT VILLAIN....

The Face Of Fu Manchu (1965)    Before anybody gets upset.......

         I'm well aware how utterly un-woke and politically incorrect this movie is, with its stiff-upper-lip British-Empire-Vs-The-Yellow-Peril institutional racism.....

         What can I tell ya......using Asians as mysterious, serenely omnipotent villains remained a mainstay of popular pulpy entertainment for literally centuries.  

          BQ's policy here has always been judging these films within the context of their time periods.....and this one's almost as old as the first Bond film "Dr. No", which recently hit its 60 year anniversary.....

          (And I don't know anyone who's given up watching Bond films because Sean Connery slaps girls on their butts and insults the Beatles.....)

          And come to think of it, what's "Dr. No" but a high-tech Fu Manchu movie.....

          So let's all travel back to a 1965 version of 1920's England, where Sax Rohmer's evil mastermind Fu Manchu (the eternal Christopher Lee,) has  taken up residence underneath the Thames, with plans to wipe out London with poison poppy seed gas...(don't ask.)

          This was the first and film buffs agree, the best of five Fu Manchu films produced by the tireless, prolific impresario of international cheapo cinema, Harry Alan Towers. Sir Christopher graced all five even as each subsequent entry grew cheaper and crummier.

          Made at the height of the worldwide Bond craze, this film's liberally stuffed with lengthy judo fights, car chases and scenes of Fu, just like Blofeld, executing disposable minions. 

           The good guys are represented by Scotland Yard inspector Nayland Smith (Nigel Green) and his loyal cohort Dr. Petrie (Howard Marion-Crawford), sort of alternate versions of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson. 

            Along for the ride and giving the film genuine international flavor, come two stalwarts from the German Edgar Wallace 'Krimi' films, Joachim Fuchsburger and Karin Dor (who a few years later, as a flaming redhead, would menace Sean Connery in "You Only Live Twice")

            And oh my, let us not forget the stunning Tsai Chin as Fu Manchu's equally lethal daughter Lin Tang. (Chin soldiered on with Lee through the remaining rotten four movies in the series and memorably appeared in the "You Only Live Twice pre-credits sequence....and still with us and working in films today, bless her...)

             Director Don Sharp moves the whole thing along with fairly deliberate speed and Anglophiles won't want to miss a cameo appearance by that  beloved Brit icon James Robertson Justice. Playing an officious museum director, the film rewards Justice with its most priceless line,....("Wait a minute! You can leave the museum littered with dead Chinese!"

             Yes, of course the film's attitudes and atmosphere make it unacceptable by 2022 standards. No debate there.

            But we curators and lovers of pulp cinema take into the account the era and mores that defined these films......and still enjoy "The Face Of Fu Manchu" as antiquated, cornball fun.....which it still is.

            3 stars (***). (But Snowflakes who must exist only in their 'safe spaces' should go nowhere near it.....)

'BARBARIAN'.....BY ALL MEANS, LET'S EXPLORE THE DARK, CREEPY BASEMENT....(YOU FIRST).

Barbarian (2022)     Is it just me or does it seem like there's ten new horror movies every week of the year?

               Getting hard to tell them apart, except for the ....uh so called 'elevated horror' ones. You know, the ones that aspire to lofty, artistic, film festival culture-vulture ambitions......

                Not "Barbarian" though. This one revels in all the down and dirty stuff.....gore, jump scares and sudden 180 degree hairpin turns in its plotting.  Even better, it's unashamed to make a deep dive into that ancient horror movie trope.....the creepy basement.

               Now there's the first thing to love.......the modest little Detroit house in this film features a basement with more tunnels, nooks and crannies than the New York City subway system.  No sane person, upon seeing it, would want to go in there.....

               Which unfortunately brings me to the dumb part of the movie, a tiresome standard for horror outings......characters who, instead of muttering, "Oh hell no, f*** this" plunge into the ultra-creepy basement.  And encounter.....well, the essential reason for watching a movie like this....heh, heh, heh....

               And here's where 'Barbarian' shines.......the horror, the horror. Photographed and staged in such a way to promise you bad dreams for weeks to come. (We'll not say anymore about it....so don't worry about spoilers....)

                We start out with two attractive personable twenty-somethings Tess and Keith (Georgina Campbell, Bill Skarsgard).  Finding themselves mistakenly double-booked into the same AirBnB, they move from uneasy nervousness and embarrassment to something approaching a tentative ease with each other......enough for Tess to decide Keith's not a murderous psycho and agree to stay the night. 

               (Not that anyone blames her reticence.....after all, this guy does look like the actor who played Pennywise the killer clown in the two "It" films.....oh, wait a sec...he is that actor. Kind of a clever casting decision, right?)

                But enough about Tess and Keith...they've run into big troubles of their own. . Let's suddenly zip right over (as does the film) to typically hip, self absorbed TV actor AJ (perfectly played by Justin Long). Within minutes, a rape accusation has cancelled out his career. Now instantly penniless and unemployable, the only asset left to him some crumbling real estate he owns in Detroit.......

               Uh oh.....need I even bother to mention which particular property that is?

               This leads the film to its climactic third act, the part where, as Stephen King so aptly put it, horror filmmakers gotta stop messin' around and go fully 'Booga Booga!!"  And this 'Barbarian' accomplishes with enough splattery, outrageous abandon to make us forget its characters constantly make stupid choices and seem to possess unheard of physical resilience (all standard, worn out horror tropes.)

                For all horror buffs who dutifully wade through the piles of  junk in this genre released every week, "Barbarian" offers a gruesome good time that stands out among the rest. So don't pass up checking in to the seedy little AirBnB in the worst neighborhood ever......it's almost as much fun as a stay at the Bates Motel......3 stars (***). 

                

'IT LIVES AGAIN'.....THE KILLER BABIES FIND PRO-LIFE ADVOCATES.....

 It Lives Again (1978)  Way back on 10/17/17, we fondly remembered and reviewed  "It's Alive", shlockmaster Larry Cohen's 1974 instant cult classic about mutant, monstrous babies on the rampage....

          How can any film buff not feel a special place in their heart for Cohen, a feisty maverick who carved out his own career as writer-director of high concept horror films.....(he was Mr. High Concept before Hollywood wags ever coined that term....)

          Though his ideas and gimmicks for scripts could grab you by the throat, as a director, Cohen was never more than a shoot-it-fast, fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants guy........yet he somehow coaxed a rich ominous score for "It's Alive" from the legendarily ornery and irascible genius Bernard Herrmann. 

           Herrmann's score gets a reprise for the "It Lives Again" credits and this time Cohen chose to delve into the politics and science of this tooth-'n-claw babies.

           As the mutant creatures pop out of random, hapless women, two opposing groups hunt them down with separate agendas.....

            The government group, with the eager aid of local law enforcement, kill the infants right in the delivery room, making for one hell of a dramatic maternity ward.....

            But a rival rogue group, convinced the babies are the next evolutionary step, seek out the expectant mothers to rescue the babies from the swat teams.......and possibly let them breed to reign over the earth.....holy effin' diapers.....

            In essence, Larry Cohen came up with a funhouse mirror version of today's toxic pro-choice, pro-life chaos that continues to rip the country apart. 

             As the film proceeds to all of its expected horror whim-whams, it's clear which side Cohen falls on. Just like the clueless scientists of cheesy 1950's sci-fi films, the pro-baby gang, despite their best intentions, prove themselves naive fools.  The liberated little gargoyles (once again created by make-up wiz Rick Baker), waste no time shredding these do-gooders, including Frank Davis (John Ryan) the poor conflicted dad of the first "It's Alive" chomper, 

              Once again, Cohen judiciously rations out full views of his monsters......(a wise choice, since any real good look at the tots, with their bulbous heads and jutting fangs, might provoke unwanted laughter.) John Ryan broods and simmers at the tortured Davis and buffs will love seeing a rare American film appearance from Eddie Constantine, who spent a lifetime starring as 'Lemmy Caution' in French gangster movies.

              The baby kill scenes could have used a little more time and attention, but in a Larry Cohen movie, that's always wishful thinking.......you can only sit back and revel in the cheese.......a guilty pleasurable 3 stars...(***)

                (And oh yes, BQ's well aware there's a third film, the 1987 'It's Alive III: Island Of The Alive'.....I promise I'll get to it before year's end.....maybe in time for the holidays......)