The Long Walk (2025)
How do we even begin to think of a rating for this movie?
How do we review a movie where we loved the cast but hated the film that showcases them?
Okay, fine. We accept the challenge and we'll press on......
The film's derived from one of those largely unsung novels that Stephen King wrote under the pseudonym 'Richard Bachman'.
We open in that not-too-distant dystopian future. A civil war has sent the U.S. back to a 1930's Great Depression economy and terminal malaise. The military dictatorship in charge tries bucking up the national morale by inviting young men to sign up for a marathon, last-man-standing walk.
We're not kidding about the last man standing part. The kids who falter, slow down or just plain collapse get three warnings before they're executed on the spot, their brains and blood splattering the highway. The rest of the contestants don't even dare break their stride to watch.
Nothing like dead young guys sprawled on the road to bring a nation together, right? No wonder this ugly, stupid bizarro premise fell to director Francis Lawrence, the shepherd of the 'Hunger Games' series. After all, who else but this guy could convince audiences that in the future, we'll enjoy the sight of children slaughtering each other even more than 'American Idol' and the Super Bowl.
Sorry, Francis. Sorry Uncle Stevie. We've never been on board with far-fetched dumb-topia movies that practically require a lobotomy in order to swallow their tall tale premise.
And 'The Long Walk' doesn't do itself any favors throwing in Mark Hamill as 'The Major', the gargle-voiced military madman in charge of the contest.....(he's George C Scott's Patton crossed with Sterling Hayden's Gen. Jack D. Ripper and he's a ridiculous cartoon all the way through.....)
Enough about the rotten core of the movie, instead let's talk about its beating heart.....the stellar performances by all the young men in the cast.
These brilliant new talents, all of them deeply committed to their roles, make the most of this opportunity given to them. They bring tragedy, humor, humanity and pathos to their characters, holding an audience in their grip and making us agonize over their oncoming fates.
The young men in this extraordinary ensemble cast kept me with them from the beginning to the bloody corrosive end. It's a tribute to their gifts that they command the screen (and our riveted attention) in a film primarily devoted to them walking down lonely rural roads.
Let us at least take the time to salute the lead players - Cooper Hoffman (yes, the son of Philip Seymour Hoffman), David Jonsson, Garrett Waering, Tut Nyuot, Charlie Plummer, Ben Wang, Jordan Gonzalez, Joshua Odjick, Roman Griffin David, Noah de Mal....all of them we look forward to seeing in other films.
We're thrilled these actors got the chance to strut their stuff even though we despised the movie they're in.....a foul, depressing exercise in fake nihilism. ( The film's climax, both unbelievable and confusing, only contributes to the overall stench of hopelessness, making us wonder why we wasted our time.....)
For the cast, 5 stars (*****). For the concept of the movie itself....Zero Stars (0). So between the two ratings, we'll boil it down to an overall 2 stars. (**)....which we entirely credit to the cast alone and not a smidge to the filmmakers.
An odd way to rate a movie, we admit, but what the hell.....that's how the film struck us.
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