'SCREAM 7'....LIKE SANDS IN THE HOURGLASS....THESE ARE THEY DAYS OF THEIR KNIVES...

 Scream 7 (2026)

     Over the years, we've seen our fair share of slash-a-thons and watched countless numbers of slash-test-dummies go under the knife.....(mostly horny teen boys and cheerleaders...Numbers #1 and #2 on every slasher's to-do list).

      We actually held slightly higher hopes for this one, given that Kevin Williamson,  one of the primary masterminds of the meta-snarky gag 'n gore gilled 1996 'Scream', returned to both write and direct this new entry.  (the other mastermind being the original film's director, the late Wes Craven).

         Oh well.....pardon us while we exhale a sigh of resigned disappointment. Eh-h-h-h-h-h......

         Williamson hits all the usual tropes of this series.....the high body count, the endless references to other familiar horror movies (including the 'scream' movies themselves), the big reveal as to who (or how many people) were hiding behind the Ghostface mask.

           But there's no snap, crackle or pop in any aspect of 'Scream 7'......the direction, script, performances, camera work and set design. It feels like Willliamson and everybody else down the line just phoned it in and worked from a well worn 'Scream' Movies For Dummies' paperback instruction manual. 

           As always, whoever plays Ghostface is not simply a blade-wielding psychopath, but gifted with the physical stamina of a Marvel superhero.....like the old slogan for Timex watches.....they take a lickin' and keep on tickin'. 

          For the gorehounds, the kills are more than plentiful and every so often startling......the most imaginative and grisly is reserved for the poor little manic pixie theater kid played by McKenna Grace, whose final (and fatal) performance as Tinkerbell will give Scream-o-holics what they crave. 

          And we do salute the film's use of cinema's new arch-nemesis, A.I. as an excuse to resurrect a game Matthew Lillard, having the time of his life re-playing original Scream Ghostface Stu Macher.....

           Yet the whole dreary enterprise reeks of out-of-ideas filmmakers and studio execs lining up to squeeze more cash out of an exhausted franchise. The many deaths of the cardboard archtypes parade past us with little or no meaning, emotion or importance. We could almost imagine them holding on to tickets to await their names called for their turn into the meat grinder. 

           Mainly for 'Scream' completists and determined horror fans. For everyone else, it's never any better than 1 & 1/2 stars (* 1/2)  

           Easily skipped at theaters......just wait for whatever streaming services it wanders into.