'DEVIL GIRL FROM MARS'...A VERY ILLEGAL ALIEN STOPS IN FOR TEA TIME IN SCOTLAND.....

Devil Girl From Mars (1954)   Even dedicated sci-fi fans who've never actually sat through this movie know the astounding sight of actress Patricia Laffan as Nyah....the Amazonian dominatrix from Mars, bent on world domination and hot to breed with earth men.

          Laffan's outfitted in a wondrous all black satin costume that looks looted from a Halloween Adventure shop. Black skullcap helmet, black flowing cape, black miniskirt, Legs-for-days encased in black fishnet stockings and black boots. 

          Throw in those huge, heavily mascara'd eyes and you've got yourself one incredibly intergalactic badass who could probably pick her teeth with Barbarella. 

           And don't even think of messing with her if her jumbo spinning flying saucer parks in your backyard. She's heavily armed with a disintegrator ray gun, a big ass robot constructed by 3rd Graders for their science fair, and most important.....a serious bad attitude. 

            Of all places, Nyah sets down on the Scottish Highlands, where an inn full of random characters have assembled as if plucked from an Agatha Christie whodunit.  These include a dotty old innkeeper and doddering husband, their 10 year old nephew, an elderly scientist, a cynical journalist, a model healing from a bad romance, a crippled handyman, a bar maid and her lover who's a freshly escaped convict jailed for his wife's murder. 

       Once we're introduced to this very British bunch, you'd simply expect one of them to simply turn up dead with a knife in their back. But the screenwriters, who based their script on their single set play, must have decided...."Hey, instead of a murder, how about if we plop down a Martian dominatrix to scare the bejeezus out of 'em?"

          Therefore, enter the formidable Nyah, who got lost on the way to a-Nyah-late London. Back on Mars, you see, women won the War Of Genders, but pickings are slim back home, so Nyah's out to scoop up some studly earth hunks to a roll in the red sands. 

           To further terrorize the inn guests, she trots out her Big Freakin' Robot, impressively large but sporting useless vacuum cleaner hoses for arms. Robot zaps out a few laser balls to vaporize random stuff, then lumbers back into the saucer. 

            What we're really sorry to report.....none of this is as much ridiculous fun as it sounds. With its verbose theatrical origins, this movie wanted to have it every which way......to exist as a talky stage drama and a sci-fi thriller. It does neither well.  The cornball theatrics sound left over from the 1930's and Nyah, her saucer and robot might have come straight outta Ed Wood Jr.'s leftover costumes and props. 

           Sci-Fi historian purists will want to check out the original version at least once. For everyone else, you might enjoy way more laughs watching either MST3K or RiffTracks do their inimitable snarking.......

            1 star (*).

              

           

'ABOVE SUSPICION'.....HOT-T0-TROT TRAILER TRASH MEETS CROOKED FBI ROOKIE....CUE THE DOOM.....

Above Suspicion (2019)  This is a sad ugly rendition of a true life crime story that offers one and only one feature to recommend it....a bravura performance from British actress Emelia Clarke (whom millions cherish as the 'Mother of Dragons' from 'Game Of Thrones').

       It's no fun to endure, other than to marvel at the versatile Ms. Clarke playing Susan Smith, a down-on-her-luck, poverty level housewife barely eking out an existence in rural Kentucky.

       Into the neighborhood comes fresh-out-of-training FBI agent Mark Putnam (Jack Huston). He's eager to snag himself a high profile arrest to further his career, and ends up with equally ambitious Smith as a confidential informant. 

        Before long, this damaged pair with moral compasses gone wild engage in a hot 'n heavy affair.  Naturally, this overheated state of affairs doesn't sit well with Mark's wife Kathy (Sophie Lowe), herself a recovering alcoholic. 

        What else could go wrong?  Everything you'd expect and more, which we'll not reveal for anyone not familiar with the events the film's based on. 

         But come to think of it, the film spills its own spoiler with its misguided narration that it copied "Sunset Boulevard". 

         Clarke's remarkable work here was the only thing that held us to this grungy, unhappy tale. Jack Huston does his best as the slimy Putnam, but it's not his movie.....his character's only there to further energize Clarke's ever increasing panic and needy desperation. You simply cannot take your eyes off her as she spirals into tragedy. 

        Quite a modest change of pace for director Philip Noyce, who made his reputation with high profile action-adventures like the Harrison Ford-Tom Clancy thrillers "Patriot Games" and "Clear and Present Danger". He tells this grim story competently enough, but the film never achieved much traction with audiences.....not arty enough for the culture-vulture crowd and not revved up enough for the multiplex popcorn munchers. 

          For the most fervent fans of Emelia Clarke (yes, we admit it), it's a must see. (With us, she qualifies as an actress whom we'd gladly watch reading the phone book).

          For everyone else, maybe if the real stuff on display intrigue you. Otherwise, consider it a 2 star (**) so-so film you could easily live without. 

          

'EMILIA PEREZ'......THE STRANGEST (AND SO FAR WORST) OSCAR SUCK-UP MOVIE OF 2024

 Emilia Perez (2024)   Beloved BQ visitors well know how much we hate Academy Award Suck-Up films.....

           You know the ones.....the unwatchable slogs that sit up and beg for their Oscars like needy puppies in search of bacon treats. 

            While nominations fall into their laps, us hardy cinema warriors duly submit ourselves to the mind-numbing agony of sitting through them. 

             A tough job, but somebody's gotta do it. 

             Once again, we settled our stomach, steeled our nerves for a viewing of 'Emilia Perez' on its Netflix home. 

               We'll give it this much at least.....unlike "Power Of The Dog" which almost propelled us into a deep coma, 'Perez' was lively and weird enough to keep us awake for its entirety. 

              And the movie?  It struck us that it's like a Ken Russell film, only with lousy music. 

               Who's Ken, you ask?  Through the 70's, he was Britain's resident madman director who thrilled and outraged audiences with his over-the-top, Krazytown  films like "Tommy", "The Music Lovers", "The Devils", "Lizstomania", "Lair Of The White Worm" and so many others......

               In a Russell film, excess ruled.....in the music, costumes, sets and scenery chewing actors.

               That's why 'Perez' reminded us so much of his work. The overheated storyline, the sudden eruptions into fantasy musical sequences, the actors busting their blood vessels as they dive in to the visual chaos surrounding them. 

               Set in Mexico, it unfolds like a frenzied, drawn out version of a Grand Opera telenova.....a swirling mixture of gender identity, cartel brutality, fierce parental love and boiling passions.

                 While you're watching it, the film may give you the impression you're experiencing something groundbreaking, unique.....especially with its exuberant bursts into song and dance. 

                 But by the time it grinds to a merciful halt,  we realize that all the visual pyrotechnics have been in service of ludicrous, cornball melodrama, nothing but a colossal soap opera. Smoke and mirrors to disguise its limited, low intentions. 

                 We start with a harried prosecutor (Zoe Saldana) who accepts an offer she can't refuse from a cartel kingpin (Karla Sofia Gascon). Kingpin wants an all new life......as a woman. 

                Saldana handles all the paperwork and logistics to facilitate Kingpin's emergence as hefty Emilia Perez. Longing to still love and cherish his/her children, Emilia passes herself off as a long lost aunt to the kids and Kingpin's distraught confused wife. (Selena Gomez). 

                In a further twist, Emilia, her hormones now surging with empathy and love, dedicates herself to aiding surviving families of cartel victims. But when Gomez takes a new lover she intends to marry, things go.....as you knew they would, wildly awry. 

                Or as Thelma Ritter so ably put it, in "All About Eve",...."everything but the wolves yappin' at her heels..."

                We don't know how to judge the work of the three lead actresses. They seem to try their best to navigate their way through the flashy cinematics, and the instantly forgettable scraps of music they're forced to sing. But director Jacque Audiard doesn't exhibit all that much interest in them anyway - he's all about showing off to help him collect awards. 

               Plus there's no need to add more vitriol than has been already spilled on Selena Gomez's way-beyond-her-ability performance and misjudged stabs at phonetically spouting Spanish. Even a more skilled actress fluent in the language couldn't have done much better with this borderline silly material.  

               As for the motion picture Academy.....13 nominations for this?  Seriously?   We'd rather they not lavish thoroughly undeserved Oscars on 'Perez' as a way to provoke LGBTQ-Hater-In-Chief Donald Trump. Really, Academy voters, there's better ways to make your opinions heard than anointing this phoney-baloney culture vulture sludge with foolish accolades it didn't earn.

            1 star (*). 

              

               

                 

              

'CHAIN REACTION'....DEZ LIMERICK'S BACK....AND NEW VILLAINS WHO NEED SERIOUS DEZ-IMATING....

 Chain Reaction by James Byrne (2025)

A 5 star Welcome Back to the unstoppable Dez Limerick, wandering soldier-of-fortune, cheeky knight errant, and whenever he can pick up a gig, an ace band guitarist. Not to mention his best quality (and the reason I can't wait till each of his new adventures comes out).....he's the scourge of global villainy and thorough thwarter of armies of terrorists.

     This time around, he's up against a deadly combination of Russians and a mysterious assassination consortium who require some serious Dez-struction.

     Dez shows up at the grand opening of a vast new shopping-entertainment complex, thinking he's been invited to play in a band. But the invite's nothing but a phony lure and he finds himself in the middle of a full scale invasion by Russian terrorists. With the goons shooting innocent hostages, you just know our man Dez, master of all deadly combat skills, won't sit still for it.

     Now this is where I start keeping my mouth shut about all the non-stop action and twists and turns that follow Dez and his new unlikely ally Cat Valdivia, a drop dead gorgeous master thief......other than to say they find themselves facing an adversary who more than matches (and may well surpass) Dez Limerick's gift for outfighting and outwitting any opponents. All that's left to say.....buckle up and prepare to spin through the pages as fast as the flying bullets.

     Everything and anything a lover of action-adventure could ever want in one book is all here.......with no end of fun watching the ever affable Dez wade through thugs, plotters and surprises with his 'particular set of skills', (including deadpan wit and a talent for finding makeshift lethal weapons when there's no gun available. And woe to anyone who dares underestimate him.

     I can't praise this series highly enough. And for those anxiously awaiting news of a new James Bond movie, here's your best option for enjoying just as much thrills and some wicked humor......join up with Team Dez.

       5 stars (*****)

 

'UNEARTHLY STRANGER'.....HIS WIFE'S AN ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT.....FROM OUTER SPACE.....

Unearthly Stranger (1963)  We've lost track of how many years we spent chasing after this elusive little British gem. After stumbling upon it on TV late at night, it dropped out of sight for decades.....

         At long last, we found it buried among thousands of free films available to stream free on the Internet Archive (archive.com).

         On the slight downside, though, this noir-ish, black-and-white sci-fi/horror thriller was only available in a colorized version. But it's a tribute to the quiet, understated creepiness of the film that the colorizing did little damage in diminishing its impact. 

         It's as low budget and intimate as you can get for movie with such a wildly imaginative premise......with no special effects anywhere in sight, no bizarre futuristic sets or costumes, and enacted by small cast of superb British actors, almost like a theater piece.

        In this story, the actors (generously filmed in close-ups) become the film's best effects. Given the cast here, we wouldn't want it any other way. 

        A government funded space exploration unit has one hell of a startling mission......to find a way to propel explorers into space by the sheer power of thought....(well, think of the money saved on rocket ships, fuel and spacesuits.....)

       But how come the unit's scientific manager suddenly had his brains scrambled from the inside out? And how come other scientists around the globe working on the same idea also suffered terminal brain fry?  

         That doesn't seem to faze Dr. Davidson, the new science guy in charge, played by the brilliant John Neville (of Terry Gilliam's 'Baron Munchhausen' and the sinister 'well manicured man' of 'The X Files'). Doc's just back in town after his whirlwind romance and marriage to to the stunning Julie, (Gabriella Licudi) a mysterious young beauty he met in Sweden. 

          And Julie's a lot more than merely mysterious. Davidson notices his wife never blinks her eyes. When she passes by a schoolyard full of children, they all instinctively recoil from her, walking backwards in unison. You can tell this moment upsets her, since her tears burn acidic scars down her cheeks.....(which then dissolve by the time hubby comes home....)

            Invited over as a dinner guest, Davidson's colleague (Philip Stone) spies Julie pulling out a pan from a 375 degree heated oven with her bare hands.....

          Strange indeed, which catches the attention (and suspicions) of the unit's MI6 government watchdog Major Clarke, played by the affable rotund Patrick Newall (whom fans of the TV 'Avengers' will recognize as 'Mother')

           Hmmm.......

           Is it possible that Julie's an out-of-this-world alien who teleported herself down to earth in the same way that her husband's trying to devise? Is it possible she's not the only one? And is it possible these mind-traveling aliens bumped off the earth scientists to keep them from knowing how to bounce around the universe just like they do?

            Director John Krish keeps his action and actors in tight closeups and the film works up a real sense of escalating dread.  Neville especially holds the story in his grip as you watch his sense of reality start to crumble around him.

            And we don't want to miss mentioning yet another bonus player - Jean Marsh (of "Upstairs Downstairs", "Willow" and "Frenzy") who turns up here as the space unit's officious secretary.)

            We found it amazing how this modest little low key movie managed to deliver a full helping of imagination and genuine hair raising chills. And that final shot leaves you with the shivers. 

             Sci-fi/horror fanboys 'n girls, BQ says seek this one out at soon as you can    4 stars (****).

'THE GREAT DICTATOR'....CHARLIE CHAPLIN PREDICTS AMERICA IN 2025......

The Great Dictator (1940)    At least one on line news outlet took notice of Turner Classic Movies running fascism themed movies on Trump's inauguration day......(heh, heh, heh, heh.....)

        TCM claims the timing was unintentional and we're...uh....willing to take their word for it. Sort of. 

        Either way, we salute them. Especially with the showing of this film, Charles Chaplin's legendary, controversial lampoon of Adolf Hitler. (as well as his first non-silent, all talking sound film)

        This movie's essential viewing for all lovers of cinema....particularly Trump voters about to find out that a deal with the devil always comes with consequences. 

        "The Great Dictator" still resonates and packs a punch with its careening ride through classic slapstick, gut punching political satire and finally a stirring call for humanity to overcome darkness. 

         Yes, it's actually all these things at once, so any viewer needs to prepare themselves for the film's whiplash turns from one trope to another. No film better displays the essence of Charlie Chaplin's artistic genius - you'll laugh out loud one minute, choke up the next and come close to standing up to cheer at the end. 

         We begin in the thick of 1918 World War I.  Chaplin appears as  an unlikely recruit of Tomania (a.k.a. Germany) a Jewish barber who accidentally wreaks more destruction to his own side than the allies.  And of course, the sight gags and Chaplin's complete mastery of physical comedy are brilliant to behold. 

         Some 20 years later, Tomania's ruled under the clumsy thumb of  'Der Phooey' Adenoid Hynkel (guess who), a strutting, gibberish spewing idiot who babbles endlessly to adoring crowds.  A clown to be sure, but there nothing clownish about Hynkel's stormtroopers terrorizing the Jewish neighborhood where the barber's tried to resume a peaceful life. 

          But there's no peace in the dictatorship of Hynkel, his goons and two primary minions.....the bloviating obese War Minister Herring (a.k.a. Hermann Goring, played by Billy Gilbert) and sinister Propaganda Minister Garbitch (a.k.a. Joseph Goebbels, a.k.a. Trump's Stephen Miller, a wonderful dry deadpan performance by veteran reptilian villain Henry Daniell)

         Hynkel's dreams of domination appear in what movie buffs remember as the film's signature sequence.....the dictator's elegant ballet with a balloon of a world globe.....(and with a prescient, perfect finish....)

         Things get even crazier with the arrival of Hynkel rival Benzino Napaloni, dictator of Bacteria (a.k.a. Benito Mussolini, played with all stops out by rotund comic Jack Oakie).

          Throughout the film, Chaplin's genius skill at visual comedy remains unmatched and his unmerciful skewering of Hitler somehow provokes both laughs and disgust all at the same time. No one had seen anything like this before.......(and we doubt if any of today's filmmakers have enough bravery and balls to take on Trump in the same way)

          Since Chaplin plays both Hynkel and the Jewish barber, you can probably see Hynkel's ironic fate coming from a mile away, but that doesn't make it any less satisfying.....

          By the time the film was on the verge of release, it became all too apparent to Chaplin that Hitler and his Nazi hordes were no laughing matter. Chaplin then resorted to his boldest move, finishing the film with an incredible, meticulously crafted call for peace, humanity, decency and a rejection of hate and brutality. 

          Let's put it this way.......it's the kind of speech we can only wish the next 2028 Democratic Presidential will make over and over again......a speech worthy of lifting us out of the hellish abyss that American voters plunged us into when they flushed away democracy to elevate their very own 'Der Phooey'.

          Everyone should see this one-of-a-kind film....5 stars (*****).

           

'SATURDAY NIGHT'......LIVE, FROM NEW YORK.....IT'S THE MOVIE!

Saturday Night (2024)   Co-screenwriter and director Jason Reitman probably made the right choice in not attempting some kind of overly ambitious replication of 'Saturday Night Live'......

        Instead, he took a wiser, more modest approach - focusing only on the frenzied, chaotic few hours in NBC's Studio 8-H the led up to the iconic show's 1975 birth on live TV.

        Happening in real time, the film plunges you into a hurricane-in-a-fishbowl. We follow around fledgling producer Lorne Michaels, (Gabiel LaBelle), on the edge of panic as he copes with technical disasters, hypertense young comedians working on their last nerve and a cranky, veteran TV crew viewing the proceedings with either bemused resignation or utter contempt. 

        Here's the film's one major achievement and our favorite thing about it.....in presenting the story like a journalistic snapshot of SNL's agonizing labor pains, the film perfectly captures the cultural upheavals of a new generation of new creative artists flooding the marketplace. 

         Throughout the 1970's, the new breed of filmmakers - Spielberg, DePalma, Scorsese, Coppola, Milius, and Lucas revolutionized popular entertainment as we know.....

          But it took them years to craft their films and get them into the public bloodstream.   Thanks to the magic of live TV, the wild, scrappy and hungry SNL bunch did it in one night. (And in an ironic twist, many of them couldn't wait to flee the show to become movie stars....)

          Stars were born instantly. And America got their first taste sampling of comedy as written by the kids who were raised on television......a generation that throughout the calamitous 1960's, came to feel betrayed and distrustful of the Authorities In Charge. 

          And you could sense that outrage and rebellion in every in every over-the-top skit. The picture-postcard view of America as presented in 1950's films and TV was crumbling fast......and SNL took sadistic glee in dumpster diving into the debris for laughs. 

            There's a load of stuff we could legitimately quibble with. Cory Michael Smith's Chevy Chase, nails down the physicality, but he misses the true spark of Chase's snarky, cooler-than-you-appeal. 

            The script short-changes any real and genuine depiction of John Belushi by Matt Wood and criminally ignores any indelible portrait of SNL's first female superstar Gilda Radnor (a brief but skillful impersonation by Ella Hunt).  And we seriously question the rendering of Muppets creator Jim Henson (Nicholas Braun) as a feckless, clueless nerd bobbing along helpless in the turmoil. 

           (But then Braun does double duty here, turning up as a pitch perfect replica of the very odd Andy Kaufman.....whose meta-mocking rendition of the 'Mighty Mouse' theme song convinces cold hearted NBC exec Dave Tebet (a superb Willem Defoe) to finally let SNL rebels to hit the airwaves.)

            Speaking of cold hearted, let's also not forget to salute J.K. Simmons' frighteningly on target portrait of dead-eyed forever insincere showbiz icon Milton Berle. (Berle eventually got to host SNL, and judged as one of the worst of old school celebs whoever took the gig.)

            Ultimately, director Reitman at least succeeds in painting a fast, sometimes funny sketch of a huge generational clash.....with the Lords Of Television finally coming face to face with the children who grew up on everything they consumed while entranced by that glowing box in the living room......

           And that's not a bad thing for a film to accomplish, considering the myriad things that could have gone wrong with it.....

          3 stars (***).  Worth a look. And a must-see for longtime fans.

              

'INVASION U.S.A.'...CHUCK NORRIS UPCHUCKS ON A TERRORIST SWARM ....HAPPY BULLET RIDDLED 40TH ANNIVERSARY

 Invasion U.S.A. (1985)  We'll admit it....nobody enjoyed the prolific, Golden era of Cannon Films more than we did.

         As a video-store movie buyer, we profited from filling store shelves with the endless junk pumped out by the Israeli 'Go Go' boys, cousins Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus. 

          Back in those dawn-of-homevideo days, movie lovers looking for a VHS night pick were far easier to please......if all the copies of the latest big studio hit were rented out, there was plenty of Cannon crapola available to them......which they did indeed rent....(God help 'em).

          And 'Invasion U.S.A.' was prime Cannon carnage, featuring one of the company's resident stars, the forever stone-faced martial artist Chuck Norris.

          Norris, bearded and devoid of even the slightest glimmer of human expression, marches through this disjointed film dispensing death to an entire army of fresh off the boat terrorists. 

          Leading this massed assortment of paramilitary goons is literally a Mad Russian, played by one of the most distinctive movie villains ever, Richard Lynch. 

           An intense, stage trained actor, the blonde Lynch came to specialize in madmen monsters and all around really scary people. Kind of like the Grindhouse Rutger Hauer. 

           He's all kinds of fun to watch here, since Norris does nothing but slaughter entire clusters of terrorists with his twin machine guns.

            But then again slaughter dominates this film for its entire running time. The barely-there script only serves to loosely connect the ever increasing pile-up of massacres. 

             Whatever's going on in Norris's mind as he goes about harvesting fresh kills, we'll never know. Lynch on the other hand, rants, raves and practically foams at the mouth. 

            To kick things off the Lynch-inator machine guns dozens of Latino refugees, whose boat was concealing the drugs he smuggled to finance his war on America.

               Then we're off to battle with Lynch only stopping a few times to execute gangsters who betrayed him....(with his method of choice, sticking his gun down their pants to blast away at their genitalia.....)

               The terrorist army sure knows how to make a statement. Right in the middle of the Christmas season, they lay waste to a picture postcard suburban neighborhood with rocket launchers. Then they move on to a crowded mall with a big bomb......but wait!

               Our man Chucky, always on the spot, shows up to have it out with the bad guys. And in a pitched battle, together they leave that mall in even worse shape than the one in 'The Blues Brothers'. 

               More random chaos ensues, but Chuck-o-rama's always there to thwart the worst of the attacks......(when Lynch's merry crew tries to bomb a church and a school bus, Chuck's conveniently on site to grab the bombs and toss them right back 'em.

               Watching this 40 years after its release, here's what strikes us about this film.......it presents multiple scenes of the slaughter of innocent people with little or no genuine emotion. (Its obvious, falsely maudlin attempts to humanize the victims reek of calculated phoniness.)

              'Invasion U.S.A.' exists solely to goose viewers who only came to revel in explosions and countless bodies shredded by automatic weapons. Since Norris remains as animated as a corpse throughout, there's nothing this movie has to offer but the bam-bam-bams and kebooms. 

                If that's all you're looking for in an action movie, than this one's for you. If you demand something a little extra.....like, you know, the little things like real acting, story, script and dialogue, pass it by.....it's just a Monster Truck ralley with a lot of extra gunfire...

               1 & 1/2 stars (*1/2)

              

               

         

'THE RIVAL'....CHILDHOOD FRIENDS TURNED TEEN FRENEMIES TURNED....(HMMM....WONDER WHAT COMES NEXT....

 The Rival by Emma Lord (2025)

     Now here's a challenge that faces any author brave enough to attempt yet another 'childhood-friends-to-adolescent-enemies-to-at-long-last-sweethearts' YA romcom.

     How to you make your book distinctly different from the hundreds upon hundreds of similar titles that came before yours?

     My reading hat's off to Emma Lord, who somehow arrives at Mission Accomplished.

     How did she do it? To start, she makes sure her 'lovebirds-but-they-don't-know-it-yet', Sadie and Seb, are extra vulnerable and impossibly adorable. Next, she places these lifelong neighbors and rivals as incoming freshman in a college that seems like a Cozy Never-Neverland - awash in all sorts of oddball clubs that receive precious little funding from an administration that lavishes donor money on athletics.

     Sadie and Seb, both gifted writers with separate career goals, fiercely compete for coveted positions on 'Newsbag', the school's celebrated zine. Extraordinary wits as well, the snap-crackle-pop of their back and forth repartee makes whole chunks of this book a laugh-out-loud joy to read.

     I Is it even necessary for me to describe what develops between them as they do verbal battle with each other while upending the college's corrupt overfunding of sports? But when the inevitable kissing finally arrives, you can't help but happily sigh while turning the pages.

     I'm even willing to forgive author Lord for tacking on one of those endless, redundant epilogues, since I did find these characters, their families and pals still fun to hang out with. (Which often isn't the case in lengthy wrap-ups I've encountered in books that wore out their welcome.)
 
     Yes, a well worn storyline for sure, but told with genuine heart and plenty of sharp humor.

      4 stars (****)

'SHE DOESN'T HAVE A CLUE'....A MYSTERY AUTHOR COPES WITH A REAL CASE TO CRACK....

 She Doesn't Have a Clue by Jenny Elder Moke (Release Date 1/21/25)

     Here's a goodie that hits your favorite bookstores on Tuesday 1/21/25. Worth looking into!

     What could possibly go wrong at a destination wedding held on a remote island off the coast of Seattle....smack in the middle of a raging storm that'll leave all the guests stranded there. One of two things, usually.....either murder within a rich family dynasty of relatives at each other's throats, or a red hot second chance romance.

     This book throws both tropes into the mix, as well as a 'what-kind-of-person-was-I-meant-to-be' journey for its lead character, mystery author Kate Valentine.

     Kate's best selling alter ego Loretta Starling (bartender by day, sleuth by night), is a crime solver extraordinaire. But Kate herself, unlucky in love and far clumsier than Inspector Clouseau on a bad day, leaves a trail of soured romances and accidentally overturned furniture wherever she goes. Yep, she's a guest at that storm tossed island wedding......where the groom is her ex-fiance and another guest (also another ex) is a Hemsworth-worthy hottie who still makes Kate's temperature rise.

     So you know it's only a matter of time before a corpse pops up and Loretta's coping with enough suspects to fill up a rush hour train, as well as both the groom and the Hemsworth Hunk vying for her attention. Not to mention the murderer trying to frame her by borrowing episodes from her last Loretta puzzler.

     A busy book here, what with Kate's conflicted romances, her attempts to channel her inner Loretta, identify the killer, and stumbling in and out of enough secret passageways to turn Nancy Drew dizzy.

     A bit overlong and repetitious (Kate's slapstick moments seem overdone and movie-ready), but I still had a good time with this one. For fans of combo mystery-romcoms, here's one stop shopping for you.

        4 stars (****)

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WEEKEND MADNESS WRAP-UP.....SPECIAL '2 DAYS TO THE END' EDITION....

 The countdown commences......

        America, enjoy your last weekend as a democracy. Come Monday at 12 noon, you can kiss it goodbye. 

          You didn't like the price of eggs, so you flushed the country down the toilet. 

           Guess what?  Starting Monday, the bill's coming due for your overwhelming stupidity.  It's going to take you four long years to pay it off and you and the rest of the country may never be the same thereafter.....        

      We'd love to go and on about how much you richly deserve what you're in for, but we'd take no pleasure in it. We'll be suffering right along with you.....

      As these upcoming years unfold, here's what you can depend on....

        You won't pay any less for eggs. Maybe more.

         And you'll discover you don't much like living under the thumb of an idiot, psychotic dictator. 

          And it'll be too late to go back to googling, "How can I change my vote?"

           Nothing in life is guaranteed, but here's a guarantee for you....

           Remember the America that stood astride the world as a beacon of justice, hope and freedom for 249 years?

           ......too late, you'll realize you've come to miss it.

         

'LIFEFORCE'......ZOMBIES AND OUTER SPACE VAMPIRES, OH MY.....

Lifeforce (1985)   Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus, the 'Go Go Boys' of shlock factory Cannon Films, loved making loads of cheap movies in a hurry.......

        They ruled the 1980's and video store shelves with their seemingly never ending supply of Grade C, semi-grindhouse flotsam. 

         But the boys threw caution (and their usual poverty budgets) to the wind with 'Lifeforce' a truly beyond-all-comprehension mashup of sci-fi and horror. 

          The result is a sight to behold.......and not to be missed.  Big beautiful spaceships, Haley's Comet, outer space vampires, giant alien bats, skeleton zombies that explode into dust, mass zombie slaughters in the streets, Sir Patrick Stewart having hysterical fits......and a breathtaking Space Vampire girl who wanders through the film while full-frontal nude. 

          Don't ask if any of this makes sense. Just wallow in the sheer madness of it all........

          First thing to amaze you.....how many top-of-the-line people involved themselves in the making of this movie....

         Special effects master John Dykstra (of "Star Wars") handled the outer space stuff. Henry Mancini provided a robust symphonic score (way out his usual comfort zone), and directing all the mania - none other than 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre'  and (supposedly) director of 'Poltergiest' horrormeister, Tobe Hooper. 

          Woo hoo!! Let the lunacy loose!

          We start inside Haley's Comet, where astronaut explorers unwisely poke around inside a 150 mile long alien spaceship they found parked in the comet's tail. Uh oh.....it's a space vampire hangout, with dead giant bats and three naked human types in suspended animation. Double Uh oh.....Mission Control then loses contact with that very unlucky crew.....

          Another rescue crew finds the first bunch all shriveled up into skeletal husks, but brings back the still perfectly preserved naked people (one of whom's a hubba-hubba, where-have-you-been-all-my-life girl (Mathilda May).

           From that point on, all vampiric-zombie hell breaks out in London. To the horror of authorities, Mathilda and her two boytoys go about their business of sucking the life out whoever they come across.  Pretty soon, the whole of the city's infested with life sucking zombies shredding the populace. Yippeeee!

            We loved the odd collection of actors assembled to pop their eyes at all these crazy, gory events.....some of them more than others. Steve Railsback, as the first crew's sole survivor, spends most of the film in a state of sweaty hysteria. Patrick Stewart gets the good sport award, since the plot forces him into constant screaming fits (and much worse) after he's been soul-sucked.  And fellow distinguished actor Frank Finlay (of Richard Lester's 'Musketeers' movies) fully savors his moment to go batshit bonkers like everybody else. 

              Pure unadulterated Guilty Pleasure Goodness, from beginning to end.

               What else can we say? You're either all in with this manic carnival or just stay the hell away from it. 

               For fans of everything we described in this review, 'Lifeforce' is a 4 star (****) bonanza......especially those who hold fond memories of the Go Go Boys and their Cannon-ized output.