Devil Girl From Mars (1954) Even dedicated sci-fi fans who've never actually sat through this movie know the astounding sight of actress Patricia Laffan as Nyah....the Amazonian dominatrix from Mars, bent on world domination and hot to breed with earth men.
Laffan's outfitted in a wondrous all black satin costume that looks looted from a Halloween Adventure shop. Black skullcap helmet, black flowing cape, black miniskirt, Legs-for-days encased in black fishnet stockings and black boots.
Throw in those huge, heavily mascara'd eyes and you've got yourself one incredibly intergalactic badass who could probably pick her teeth with Barbarella.
And don't even think of messing with her if her jumbo spinning flying saucer parks in your backyard. She's heavily armed with a disintegrator ray gun, a big ass robot constructed by 3rd Graders for their science fair, and most important.....a serious bad attitude.
Of all places, Nyah sets down on the Scottish Highlands, where an inn full of random characters have assembled as if plucked from an Agatha Christie whodunit. These include a dotty old innkeeper and doddering husband, their 10 year old nephew, an elderly scientist, a cynical journalist, a model healing from a bad romance, a crippled handyman, a bar maid and her lover who's a freshly escaped convict jailed for his wife's murder.
Once we're introduced to this very British bunch, you'd simply expect one of them to simply turn up dead with a knife in their back. But the screenwriters, who based their script on their single set play, must have decided...."Hey, instead of a murder, how about if we plop down a Martian dominatrix to scare the bejeezus out of 'em?"
Therefore, enter the formidable Nyah, who got lost on the way to a-Nyah-late London. Back on Mars, you see, women won the War Of Genders, but pickings are slim back home, so Nyah's out to scoop up some studly earth hunks to a roll in the red sands.
To further terrorize the inn guests, she trots out her Big Freakin' Robot, impressively large but sporting useless vacuum cleaner hoses for arms. Robot zaps out a few laser balls to vaporize random stuff, then lumbers back into the saucer.
What we're really sorry to report.....none of this is as much ridiculous fun as it sounds. With its verbose theatrical origins, this movie wanted to have it every which way......to exist as a talky stage drama and a sci-fi thriller. It does neither well. The cornball theatrics sound left over from the 1930's and Nyah, her saucer and robot might have come straight outta Ed Wood Jr.'s leftover costumes and props.
Sci-Fi historian purists will want to check out the original version at least once. For everyone else, you might enjoy way more laughs watching either MST3K or RiffTracks do their inimitable snarking.......
1 star (*).
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