WEEKEND MADNESS UPDATE......SPECIAL "SEND HIM BACK" EDITION.........

                  Baby Orange "disagrees" with chanting Trumpanzees, then decides they're "patriots".......Trumpanzees immediately relieved that they were only thrown under the bus for 24 hours.........

                   Baby Orange claims he quickly put a stop to the Trumpanzees chants........pay no attention to the actual video that shows him basking in the cascades of hate washing over him, the hate he himself generated.........you didn't really see what you saw........

                    Baby Orange to Nobel Prize winner after she told him Isis killed her entire family: "Where are they now?"............this woman clearly didn't understand she was speaking with a Stable Genius who knows all the Best Words........

                     Baby Orange enjoys another week of ripping the United States and democracy to shreds......continuing his ongoing mission to install himself as President For Life of The Kingdom Of Trumpovia.......

THE MAN WITH THE OLDEN GUNN........,,A FEW SHOTS AT "GUNN".......

Gunn (1967)    Making an extra-violent technicolor film version of "Peter Gunn" the iconic noir-ish, black-and-white TV show?  A cool idea, no question.

                         ......if only the show's creator, Blake Edwards had done it in 1961, right after the show ended its run of 114 episodes......

                          But waiting 6 years, amid the social and cultural upheavals of the 60's and plopping it into the 1967 marketplace?  Smack in the middle of the Secret Agent craze?  Not quite cool.

                           Even with the TV show's signature, ultra dry witty dialogue, Henry Mancini's driving, jazzy theme and bursts of ferocious action, the film still comes off like a lost artifact from another era.......

                          Craig Stevens, as the too-hip-for-the-room private eye was pushing 50 and looked it........and the show's beloved 'Scooby' gang of Lola Albright, Herschel Bernardi and Hope Emerson were replaced by Laura Devon, Ed Asner and Helen Traubel.  (Of these three, only Asner could skillfully replicate the TV show's delicious verbal ping-pong between Gunn and his cop frenemy, Lt. Jacoby.)

                        Movie audiences glanced once at the poster, probably muttering 'Huh? Who?".....and ignored it. A shame, cause the film swiftly achieves a decent reboot of its source material.

                        Even in lurid color, Blake Edwards maintains the TV show's moody, noir vibe. There's a nifty mirrored-room shootout (a la "Lady From Shanghai") and Gunn's brutal intimidation at the hands of a gangster whose weapon of choice is.......raquetball.

                       While Blake Edwards' spent most of his career in the slapstick comedy of the "Pink Panther" series, for his forays into thrillers, he favored extra-creepy, near horrific villains. (Exhibit A: Ross Martin's wheezing, scary psychopath in "Experiment In Terror")

                       The villain here functions as the finale's Big Twist Reveal, and the film doles out some serious bloody punishment to this character.......(more than that, I dare not say. other than the murderer's bizarre nature stays in perfect synch with the original TV episodes...)

                      Not bad at all and blast-from-the-past fun that manages to straddle the 50's and 60's.
3 stars (***)...... how can you not love a film with this exchange.....when Lt. Jacoby worries that late 60's disco means the end of civilization, Gunn cracks, "You're just unhappy 'Mairzy Doats" didn't make the Hit Parade"......

FLASHDUNCE.......ELLE FANNING RESCUES "TEEN SPIRIT"

Teen Spirit (2018)     First time writer-director Max Minghella should get down on his knees and bow three times in Elle Fanning's direction........(wherever she might be)

                      At least three times a day.........

                       Fanning, playing a shy, disaffected teen who dreams of 'American Idol'-like singing fame, takes all the scraps of Minghella's cinematic noodling and single-handedly turns his random MTV crap into a movie.......

                        Minghella must have studied "Flashdance" (1983) as if it were the subject of his doctoral thesis..........the skimpy, sketchy writing, the music video editing. the slick camerawork at the expense of telling a coherent story......

                        It's all in place here and rendered extra rotten by the impenetrable cinematography, which makes the whole movie look like its taking place in a sporadically lit electronic dance club.

                       Take heart......Elle Fanning shines like a lighthouse beacon in this sea of poorly written, poorly shot, half-baked tripe.

                       She's luminous, heart-tugging and a force to be reckoned with. as her character amps up enough courage to enter "Teen Spirit", a U.K. televised singing competition. Amid the wreckage of Minghella's worthless, negligible script and direction, you can't take your eyes off her for a second.

                      Not that he deserved it, but Minghella got a bonus gift the "Flashdance" filmmakers never enjoyed.....since they had to substitute a real dancer for Jennifer Beals at the film's big finish.
To his everlasting good fortune,.....Elle Fanning can sing up a storm.

                       And does she ever. See for yourselves.

                      The rest of the movie?  Barely worth discussing.  Minghella creates a mentor-coach for Fanning, a washed-up, broken down Croatian opera singer (Zlatko Buric).  But his spitball script never fleshes out this character, who's alternately creepy and kindly, depending on what scene he's in.......(we're supposed to like him when he cautions Fanning about signing a contract with a rapacious record executive, even though earlier in the film, he tried hoodwinking her into a 50/50 split of her future earnings......this gives you an idea of Minghella's complete incompetence)

                       This film stumps me on how to rate it.........given the huge gap in quality between the the lead actress and the film itself.

                        Well, what the hell. It's my blog and I can damn well do what I want. So here's two separate ratings........for Elle Fanning, 4 stars (****)........for the woeful "Teen Spirit" that she's forced to carry on her shoulders, 1 pathetic star (*)    Probably 2 stars if you want to average it out, but BQ says only Elle makes it worth watching at all.....

                   

                   

COWBOYS, INDIANS.SAMURAI (OH MY!) - "RED SUN"

Red Sun (1971)       Once again, BQ will resist the urge to call for all of us to bow our heads in fond remembrance of the long gone International Co-Production.......

                  Cause I think I've done that in God knows how many other posts......

                  Yes, I'm lucid enough (some times) to realize how junky they were........but damn, weren't they fun?

                    How else would you see a cast like this together in one movie - Charles Bronson, Alain Delon, Ursula Andress, Capucine, Bond villain Anthony Dawson......and (wait for it).....Toshiro Mifune???

                     In a western, no less??  Scored by Maurice Jarre? And directed by Bond veteran Terence Young?

                     By the time "Red Sun" came along, the International Co-Production was past its 1960's Golden Era........most of the popular junk-genres (giallos, Mafia bloodbaths, assorted horror and war) were putting down roots in Italy exclusively.

                     "Red Sun" stands out in this 'twilight' period for its irresistible High Concept premise.......a samurai turned loose in the Wild West.  And not just any samurai. We're talkin' no less than Toshiro effin' Mifune!! 

                     .........swinging that wicked curved blade and turning Cowboys 'n Indians alike into freshly carved lunchmeat. Pulp Cinema heaven on earth........

                    I wish I could say this movie's every bit as entertaining as it promises to be.......with wisecracking outlaw Bronson and eternally stoic Mifune joining unlikely forces to hunt down suave, cold-eyed frontier sociopath Delon.

                   Alas, no. It suffers from the usual Co-Production-itis......a re-recorded English soundtrack that makes the supporting actors sound like they've been replaced by loud radio announcers selling used cars.

                    And oddly, for a Euro-based Western, it's missing those wonderful exaggerated gunshot sound effects, similar to cannon fire.  The "Red Sun" guns sound like the cheap toy cap pistols that my friends and I use to fire off at each other when we were 6 years old.

                    Still, there's plenty of stuff to dig in and enjoy here........early on, director Young flirts with the usual nihilistic spaghetti-western violence,,,,(Delon shoots a hapless U.S. Cavalryman as a practical joke for quick giggles.)

                     But then the film mostly settles down to the odd coupling of Bronson and Mifune. In a rare change of pace for him, Bronson clearly enjoys himself as a sarcastic rogue.......and the script gifts him with the film's best exchange: after a Mifune tirade in Japanese, Bronson cracks, "I don't know what that was all about but it sounds like it came from the heart."

                     By the time the final battle rolls in, you don't even mind the sloppy filmmaking (Delon's minion, Anthony Dawson pops up alive and well after taking an arrow in the back during the previous scene,,,,)  And as icing on the cake, there's the typically sing-songy theme from Maurice Jarre, whose music you could identify even if his name never appeared on the credits.

                    Clumsy and flawed in its co-production chaos, "Red Sun" is still never less than fun all the way through. So BQ'll fire off 3 cap pistol stars (***).......(and you won't want to miss Toshiro Mifune dealing with a frontier mosquito....)

LADY LIBERTY BREAKS HER SILENCE TO BQ!!......AND TELLS TRUMP WHERE TO GO.....

                  Once again, a BQ exclusive you can't get on any other blog, podcast or cable news network......   

                  Lady Liberty recently turned down offers to appear on "The View", "Ellen", "Meet The Press", "Beat Shazam","Jeopardy"  and the lead participant in the the next season of "The Bachelorette"......but somehow, (with a free pass to "Once Upon A Time In Hollywood" and a bag of Kings Hawaiian rolls) I talked her into a one-on-one, no holds barred sit down.......

BQ:       Thanks so much for agreeing to this interview.

LL:        Hey, no problem, I check out your blog every so often. I thought you were a little hard on Frankie Avalon in "Horror House", but to be honest, I gotta thing for Frankie.

BQ:      Duly noted. So......I'm guessing you're here to weigh in on President Trump telling those four Congresswomen to 'go back where they came from'-

LL:       Bingo, buddy.  Seriously, how in the holy hell did you people put that walking talking turd into the White House?   You gotta be ****in' kidding me........my giant copper big toe would make a better President.

BQ:      Can't disagree with you there.

LL:      Does that Ass-wipe Hemmoroid even realize what country he's President of??    What part of 'give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free' doesn't he understand?

BQ:     Actually, I think he agrees with that 'huddled masses' part......as long as they're blonde, white and from Norway...…

LL:     So you're tellin' me that President Numb-nuts doesn't realize that the friggin' U.S. of A. is a whole country of immigrants........a lot of whom came over here cause they were tryin' to escape people like..... President Numb-nuts.

BQ:    Uh.....yeah. Pretty much.

LL:    I swear to God, the next time that putz sets foot in New York, I'm gonna step on him so hard, they'll need the National Guard to clean out all the bullshit that squishes out,,,,,,

BQ:   Wow. I'd no idea how much he upset you.

LL:    Me?  Never mind me,....at the end of the day, I'm just a big-ass statue parked in the middle of New York harbor.  What about a country that's been a beacon of freedom and a haven for the oppressed for 243 years?  Which Pumpkinhead is taking a huge steaming piss on every day he's in office.

BQ:   Lady Liberty, you're truly an eloquent, empowered woman.

LL:   Damn straight.  Why do you think Cadet Bone Spurs never tried to grab my pussy.......he'd end up like that little worm  in Hitchcock's "Saboteur"...…

BQ:   Thanks so much for stopping by. Before you go, any truth to the buzz that you'll cameo in the next "Ghosbusters"?

LL:    Shhhh! No one's supposed to know. I turned down "Stranger Things" so I could clear my schedule for it......

BQ:    Won't say a word. How 'bout the "Bachelorette"?

LL:    ABC's lining up bachelors as we speak,  Just my stinkin' luck......Frankie Avalon's still married...…

BQ:   Any parting shots?

LL:    Yo, Donny.....yeah, you, Mr. Fake President. How about if you go back to where you came from?
…………...Hell misses you,,,,,and the country and the world would be so better off.......




                 

BQ HITS THE BEACH!........THE BEACH HITS BACK IN "FOR THOSE WHO THINK YOUNG"

For Those Who Think Young (1964)    A crazy, shining nugget in BQ's never-ending search for the oddest, most bizarre 1960's movie concoctions.........

                 The studios who rushed to cash in on American International's Frankie 'n Annette "Beach Party" took notice of one particular element..........

                  .........sprinkled in among the surfers and bikini'd beach bunnies - a wheezing, close-to-death collection of ancient, veteran Hollywood actors and washed up refugees from the Vegas lounges. You could practically smell the embalming fluid on this one-foot-in-the-grave group........either on them or their careers.

                   The makers of "For Those Who Think Young" weren't thinking very young........the beach  'n surf stuff and the young actors' romantic entanglements barely register any screen time at all......

                  This movie turns out to be more of a tour through those exhausted showbiz tropes.......and a showcase, so to speak, for a comedic non-entity named Woody Woodbury.

                  Woodbury's a sight to see, alright........he's like a no-talent screenwriter's conception of a drunken stand-up comic, spouting abysmal non-jokes while pretending to get sloshed.......

                   The plot would have you believe this monumentally unfunny slug becomes a sensation among college students who convulse with hysterical laughter at lines like, "He's good to his wife....he never goes home!"   (Asking a film audience to swallow this idea comes close to science fiction...)

                   Back to Woody later (and his equally strange, humor-free live-in partner, played in his usual a-little-of-him-goes-a-long-way style by Paul Lynde....)

                  Let's move on to the youth contingent - curvy virgin Pamela Tiffin resisting the advances of college playboy James Darren.  Darren comes fully equipped with phones in his sports car and a full time minion/social secretary played by Gillligin himself, Bob Denver.

                  And scattered among the beach babes......Sinatra and Martin.......no, not Frank and Dean in bikinis, but their daughters Nancy and Claudia, who fill out the bathing suits much better......

                   Darren's gangster-kingpin dad (the mountainous character villain Robert Middleton) employs his own staff of 90 year old actors, eking out one last film credit in advance of their obituaries,,,,,,

                   But let's go back to all the weird stuff at Woody's nightclub........including  the club's combination stripper and math-genius (Tina Louise).......and Woodbury's unlikely romance with a sweet, straight-laced college professor (the young and cute Ellen Burstyn at the start of her film career, billed as Ellen Macrae..)

                   Back and forth the film lurches, from the painful comedy stylings of  Woodbury and Lynde to the arthritic beach dances, which unfold as if choreographed by Robert Middleton's gang of seniors.

                   When the funniest person in the movie is a puppet (achieved by drawing a face on Bob Denver's bearded chin), you've arrived in the Twilight Zone of 1960's pop culture.

                    2 stars (**)......even for die hard fans of the era, like BQ, one viewing of this per lifetime is more than enough......


               

WHY SNAPE ISLAND'S NOT A CARNIVAL CRUISE STOP..........MORE POWER TO "TOWER OF EVIL"

Tower Of Evil (a.k.a. Horror On Snape Island) 1972    You know how it is with potato chips......you can't stop at one.........

               So right after snickering through the ludicrous Brit horror of "Horror House", BQ dove right into the all-out gorefest of "Tower Of Evil".........

                Now here's an early 70's horror that delivers everything it promises.........naked young Brits chopped up like fresh deli lunchmeat,  drooling slobbering madmen swingin' huge sharp instruments,a quickly piling up body count........and a fiery, literally explosive climax.......

                Yipeeee.........

                Unlike the botched, studio tampered mess of "Horror House", this movie knows exactly what it's about and efficiently goes about the business of decimating its cast,,,,,,,

                You might well ask, 'Who the hell would hang out on Snape Island'?......it's a fog-shrouded chunk 'o rock featuring hidden caves, a defunct lighthouse and a resident murderous gibbering loon who also plays the flute......(I didn't make that last part up for a cheap laugh, I swear.....)

                 Worry not, you fans of blood lust......the island has no trouble attracting bunches of folks, either looking for archeological treasures or looking for some naked nooky among the rocks......whatever their motives, they're dead meat in the making.......

                As BQ often says, you can never have enough movies where somebody's severed head goes bouncing down the stairs faster than a slinky toy...…..

                Well, there's the fun of it........by the time the latest Snape Island excursion winds down, the corpses have piled up faster than than a pile of resigned Trump cabinet members........and wouldn't you know it, the film's best line belongs to BQ's favorite Brit-pixie Jill Haworth, fresh from her
far-less-than-triumphant role in "Horror House".........

                 Surveying the accumulated carnage, opines Jill, "Oh, the police aren't going to like this."

                 No shit, Jill.  Captain Obvious would be proud of you.......

                 The cops might not like it, but BQ loved it. 3 stars (***).......book a trip out there real soon.......but don't check Trivago for the best hotel rates......out on Snape Island, it's strictly
doom with a view..........