WEEKEND MADNESS WRAP-UP.....SPECIAL "LIBERATION DAY, SUCKERS" EDITION.....

 

Happy Friday, Trump voters!  Feel liberated yet?  What's that, you say? The only thing Trump liberated from you was most of your 401K and whatever spending cash you have to for food?  Welcome to you what you voted for......

Stock in unheard of freefall as Trump declares trade wars on the entire world.....(except, you guessed it.....Russia)   Explained Trump, "I would never do that to my Vladdy-Waddy. Look on the bright side, there'll be no tariff on those little dolls, where one opens up and smaller ones keep coming out....."

Trump muses there might be ways for him to circumvent the Constitution so he can run for a third term.....and also contemplates plans to build additions to the White House during his projected third term...."We need to make that dump bigger.....you know, something like Versailles, maybe with a guillotine room with televised beheadings of various people who shouldn't be here....illegals , journalists, George Clooney, other people who don't treat me fairly...."

Wisconsin voters show what they think of Elon Musk's cheese hat and million dollar checks......and couldn't understand why he was met with crowd silence as he screamed, "And YOU get a Tesla! And YOU get a Tesla! And YOU get a Tesla!......"

Trump puts tariffs on islands inhabited only by penguins.....Doubling down, Trump also warns, "We're just getting started. We're coming after Polar Bears next, and those Caribou and seagulls who've all been getting a free ride from the U.S. for years.And we don't care if those penguins are dressed up for State Dinners all the time, they're still gonna pay...."

Happy Liberation Weekend to all Trump voters......don't forget to bend over and spread your cheeks wide cause Baby Orange has a lot more to shove into you.......

NO. 1 OF THE SECRET SERVICE......MORE LIKE A STEAMING LOAD OF NO. 2........

 No. 1 of the Secret Service (1977)

        After submitting to the torture of watching this, we immediately took this vow.......to make this viewing the last time we'll suffer through the abysmal work of director Lindsay Shonteff, the Ed Wood  Jr. of Britain.

         Shonteff, a jerk of all trades and master of none, specialized in dreadful spoofs of Bond films. (We would direct you to check out our 11/21/24 review of 'Big Zapper', his woeful girl private eye fiasco with Diana Rigg look-alike Linda Marlowe)

         'No. 1' appears to be sort of a sequel to his 1965 Bond knock-off, 'The 2nd Best Secret Agent In The Whole Wide World, which featured Tom Adams as secret agent Charles Vine. 

        Agent Charlie's back, but he's Bind, instead of Vine for some reason and now inhabited by Nicky Henson, playing the character as a glib smartass who already knows the whole film's a lame joke-less farce. (His cranky, impatient 'M' is veteran authority figure Geoffrey Keen, borrowed from Roger Moore's Bonds where he pops in as the Minister of Defense.)

         Bind's does get a worthy bad guy to contend with - uppercrust Arthur Loveday (Richard Todd), who enjoys costuming himself as a screaming Hyde Park speechifier, After he harangues the crowds about corrupt power brokers screwing up the world, he then sends out assassins to permanently stop them. 

         That's as much plot as Shonteff could tolerate since the rest of the movie consists of Loveday sending out one hitman (or woman) after another to rid him of Bind. But our boy's packing more than a ready smirk, he's armed with two massive Magnum 44's that he twirls like Wyatt Earp on meth. (We just can't figure out how those cannons never make so much as a slight bulge when he's wearing his sleek, perfectly tailored suits. 

           The parade of hit-folk sent out to erase Bind are quite the eclectic bunch......Asian muscle-monster Milton Reid (from the Bond films), a gun-totin' Texas cowboy, a barber, a girl vampire with Halloween shop fangs, and an entire army of commandos led by Britain's favorite creepy weird guy Dudley Sutton. (The Dudster's in charge of a jolly band called K.R.A.S.H. (Killing, Rape, Arson, Slaughter and Hit). (Nobody broke it to these guys that Killing and Hit are the same thing....)

            (Too bad Loveday left out Fireman, Astronaut, and Indian Chiefs out of his hit-crew line-up. They should've sued him for equal opportunities.....)

          Yet despite these non-stop shootouts and punch-ups, Bind's never at a loss for imitation Connery one-liners and dalliances with his gal Friday. (His primary seduction technique involves squirting her chest with a seltzer bottle, thereby forcing her to 'get out of those wet things'......

            Mercifully, this film only takes 91 minutes, but even in that short amount of time, we could feel our brain cells dribbling out of our ears....a medical affliction that clearly affected Lindsay Shonteff as he plowed through his dire career. 

         Written with crayons and edited with a meat cleaver, watch this only if you're in a Mystery Science Theater 3000 mood to trash a movie as you watch it.  Anyone that desperate for a spy spoof can easily find dozens of better ones than this.  Start with the 'Austin Powers' trilogy, the 1967 'Casino Royale and work your way up (or down, depending on how badly you want to hurl invective at your TV.....

          1 star (*).

          

'ALL THE STARS ALIGN'....A DISABLED TEEN STRUGGLES WITH HER FAMILY'S TRUE LOVE 'BLESSING'......

  All The Stars Align by Gretchen Schreiber (2025)

     The stars do indeed align here........meaning that a reader can see the finale of this book coming from its description alone and without having to read a single page of it. Which begs the question - well then, why would we?

     Why in the world would we pick up another "girl-enlists-her-lifelong-childhood=friend-to-help-her-win-the-boy-she's-in-love-with-when-she-can't-see-her-true-love's-right-in-front-of-her' story?

     The simple answer (and challenge for any author who attempts such a book).......you gotta have a gimmick .

     It's not enough to make your characters sympathetic, cute, handsome likeable and altogether adorable and worthy of us rooting for them. Because pretty much ALL the books in this genre capably accomplish that goal. And 'All The Stars Align' is no exception.

     An author has to find some sort of suitable, formidable roadblock to throw into the path of our eventual lovey-doveys. In this case, it's literally Fate with a capital F.......in the form of 'The Blessing', a magical moment of soulmate revelations that strike the women of 18 year old Piper's family. But Piper worries her path to that bibbity-bobby-boo moment will elude her for two major reasons. First, her mother has committed the blasphemous act of divorcing her father, an outrageous repudiation of the 'Blessing'. Secondly, a painful childhood of spinal fusion operations has left her with physical disabilities, fostering her feeling that she's an oddball anomaly not just among her peers, but in the perfect romantic history of her family.

     Piper's determined to achieve the expected goals of her mom's sisters, the meddling aunts who run the jewelry store where Piper works part time. #1. snag the One, when the B word finally hits her like a ton of bricks. #2 - help her aunts bring her mom and dad back together. #3 - take over running her aunts' store even though her talents lie in science rather than business.

     When the thing-we-shall-not-name strikes her lovelorn at a party, Piper enlists the aid of her lifelong boy pal Leo to instruct her in the nurturing of her love for Forest, who's apparently the Designated-Forever-Whatever. She takes on this Mission Impossible, despite her.........(wonder I'm going to write next).....lifelong, suppressed feelings for Leo.

     Come on, now. Do I really need to describe what transpires through the rest of this book to the end? Didn't think so.

     I kid a lot but truth be told, I'm no different from thousands of other readers who can't resist this genre. And no I couldn't stop reading until that satisfying ending gets duly delivered. The magical stuff doesn't really come off too well. (Instead of warm 'n cozy comic relief, the aunts seem more like an annoying religious cult.). As much I'm cheering on Piper, her path to common sense began to test my patience after a while.

           With a plot this familiar and done so many times, you're either all in or doing upward eye-rolls. But if you're addicted to love stories you'll have to decide if the whole Blessing/Fate thing was worth throwing into the mix. And I'm not sorry I stuck with it. Cause, you know, they're all sympathetic, cute handsome, adorable etc, etc. etc...........

           3 stars (***).

'DEADSTREAM'.....A CREEPY ENTITY SNEAKS UP STREAMERS.....SIGNING THEM OFF FOREVER.

 Deadstream by Mar Romasco-Moore (2025)

     Here's a thoroughly unnerving cautionary tale for social media streamers and everyone who's addicted to them worse than opioids. What happens when you come across a literal Ghost In The Machine.......and you end up with a site whose only 'live' part is the equipment still trained on your dead body.

     By the time the dust, clicks and corpses settle, you're thinking a whole bunch of these people would've been better off if they slammed their laptops shut and stuck to reading a good book.

      Probably not this book, though, since it would give them Deja Views all over again......and once again put them in the cross hairs of the entity who uses click bait as live bait........

     Since there's already been a host of movies using this very same premise, I understand what author Rom Romasco-Moore was trying to accomplish here. In book form, our lead character could be rendered with far more nuance and depth than we'd ever find in a 90 minute horror movie

     And that in fact is what 'Deadstream' does for teen Teresa.. She's been deeply traumatized by a car accident that left her with severe injuries and killed her best friend. Now terrified of the world outside her room, she's self-imprisoned herself there, spending her days on her own streaming site and following others who've achieved cyber-superstardom..

    But what's going with 'Brick' the most followed and admired of those stars? What's that shadowy dark figure sneaking up behind him? What happened and why does Brick now spend endless hours staring out at everyone with an eyes wide open catatonic state? An elaborate prank? Or something way too scary to think about......

     As other streamers fall victim to the same otherworldly phenomenon, Teresa soon finds herself in a desperate battle with a horrific entity whose predatory stalkings show up clearly on the livestreams, but not in the real eyesight of its prey. The stuff of nightmares for sure.

     For me, there were equal amounts of 'likes' and 'dislikes' here. As you would expect in this story, the author laboriously replicates all the online chatter surrounding the catastrophic events unfolding in real time. I guess this would count as a plus for people who think the online chats shown in movies go by too fast to read..........but after pages and pages of that dross you may find yourself skimming through it like I did.

     What gripped me far more - when book gives the stream comments a rest and goes back to the plain old fashioned telling of Teresa's dangerous duels with the world-wide-web wraith.

     A perfectly suitable choice, if you'd rather spend a cozy Friday night home instead of rushing out to the multi-plex to see this week's new horror movie.......(which you could probably stream a few weeks later with your own home-cooked popcorn......)

       3 stars (***). Wait a sec....I think I just heard someone come into the room........

'TO CATCH A SPY'.....THE FRENCH RIVIERA'S MOST DASHING, DEFT THIEF IS BACK IN ACTION....

 To Catch A Spy by Mark ONeill (2025)

     While this fun, terrific thriller works fine as a stand alone, I'd recommend everyone treat themselves to either the original book or a viewing of the classic 1955 Alfred Hitchcock film with Cary Grant and Grace Kelly (even if you've seen it before). Trust me it will make the experience of reading this book even more entertaining.

     With permission from original author David Dodge's estate, Mark O' Neill effectively continues the adventures of John Robie - former American, circus acrobat, former French Resistance fighter, former master jewel thief and former romancer of the beautiful, audacious heiress Francie Stevens.

     Francie's broken up with John, whose less-than-legal past previously landed him in dangerous trouble, but she and her sardonic widowed mom are back on the dazzling French Riviera just in time for the swirl and glamour of Fashion Week. John's itching to rekindle his once fireworks-worthy romance with Francie, but all new troubles and threats envelop him.......and may very well also involve Francie. too.

     In helping out a long time friend from French Intelligence, John's stumbled upon a Russian spy ring whose masterminds are a lethal bunch with an inexhaustible supply of minion thugs. Even worse, this nefarious cabal may have something to do with Francie's recruitment as a stunning new fashion model for a famous designer's new creations. But now Francie's not only a freshly minted fashion superstar, she's also acquired a new protective boyfriend as well, So John has his hands full.....slugging it out with the thugs out to kill him, somehow relighting the fire between him and Francie while trying to untangle her possible involvement in the spy plot.

     Loved every single minute of this, which plays out among all the same gorgeous locations everyone will remember from the movie. Yet author O'Neill does make this new book his very own, which is more of a non-stop, breathless James Bond-ish adventure as opposed to Hitchcock's more leisurely romantic suspense. I devoured it in one sitting and certainly wouldn't mind if John and Francie, both born adventurers, embark on an all new captivating caper. One of the best beach reads you'll find this year.

        5 stars (*****).

'A DROP OF CORRUPTION'.....A THRILLING, MASTERFUL SERIES CONTINUES.....

 A Drop Of Corruption by Robert Jackson Bennett (2025)

     Once again I stand in complete gaping jaw awe of Robert Jackon Bennett. I speak of his ability to combine the complex intricate fantasy universe he's created with an infinitely complex mystery thriller (and its one-of-kind infinitely memorable sleuthing team.

     The oddest crime solving duo imaginable has a new perplexing (and gruesome) case to unravel. As if the crimes aren't grisly enough, they're committed amid The Empire and its surrounding city-kingdoms. It's a world fraught with the cruelty, corruption and dangers of Medieval-like autocracies and dependent on harvesting the precious blood of Lovecraft-ian Titans, monsters who swarm the Empire's sea.

     Investigator Ana Dolabra possesses the instinctual sensitivities of Sherlock Holmes and swears like Popeye Doyle. She prefers to put her powerful intuitions into play while blindfolded, so it's up to her stalwart, sword-wielding assistant Dinios Kol to do her legwork - seeking out and questioning suspects and informing Ana of everything gleaned from his enhanced memory abilities. Only when Ana's taken in as much information as Kol can supply her with can she snap the puzzle pieces together.

     A treasury official's disappearance turns into a ghastly murder and Ana and Din face their most formidable and diabolical foe......a remorseless killer who easily bypasses every security measure designed to stop him. Whoever he is he's also devised an infernal method of mass slaughter and his killing spree extends from jungles to royal castles. While Ana's mental talents are put to seemingly impossible challenges, Dinios searches for answers at the 'Shroud' , the vast ominous structure where Titans are eviscerated for their all powerful blood.


     I'll admit that this book series is not some kind of easy peasy breezy read. The worlds of Ana and Dinios are a vast mosaic of cultures, customs, politics and geography to absorb. But once you enter and fully immerse yourself in this universe, it takes hold of you and keeps you turning the pages. And once Ana finally lays out every revealed twist, the heartbreak and horror of the crimes committed speak volumes about the values of an autocratic empire. Not just a swashbuckling adventure but a lot of food for thought about how author Bennett's world mirrors our own.

     If I'm making this sound all too grim, I don't want to forget to mention you'll also find plenty of unexpected moments of ribald, laugh out loud humor.....also guaranteed to take you by surprise....)

     Can't recommend this highly enough. Take the ride, it's more than worth it.

       5 stars (*****).

 

WEEKEND MADNESS WRAP-UP......SPECIAL 'TOP SECRET, CLASSIFIED, HUSH-HUSH, OUR-LIPS-ARE-SEALED WE'D-TELL-YOU-BUT-THEN-WE'D-HAVE-TO-KILL-YOU' GROUP CHAT EDITION.....

 

'The Atlantic' journalist gets accidentally invited to a classified, top secret war plans group chat.......explained Secretary Of Indefensible Defense Pete Hegseth, "No classified information was shared, other than attack days and times......and besides, I thought that extra guy on the chat was on there was there to take my drink order...."

Trump and National Security Minions refuse to own up to their serious gaffe, preferring Trump's usual plan to deny, deflect and double-down......"They're the very best people" claimed Trump, "in fact Little Marco came up with great idea of keeping the Nuclear Attack Codes written in Sharpie on my palms...."

In addition to these new phones, Trump also issues etch-a-sketch pads for to all security personnel for issuing military strike orders to fighter pilots.......with a stern warning to pilots to remember to shake the pads clear after receiving their targets....

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Trump rages about what he considers an unflattering portrait of himself......"It's such an insult to me and all of America. This terrible disgusting portrait makes me look like a fat, angry, stupid, racist, misogynist, bullying narcissist who doesn't have a clue about what he's doing.....especially when everyone around me has mentioned how much I look like Timothee Chalamet...."

On a daily basis, Trump proves that he will tirelessly show the U.S. and the world that every worst fear they believed about a second Trump Presidency is coming true in real time......while thousands of cemeteries receive instructions from 2024 Trump voters to amend their gravestones to read, "This isn't what I voted for...."

'GODZILLA VS. BIOLLANTE'....BIG G TAKES TIME TO STOP AND SMELL A ROSE.....AND THEN KICK ITS FLOWERING ASS......

 Godzilla Vs. Biollante (1989)    Imagine our reaction when we heard Criterion came out with a deluxe 4K Blu Ray of this film.......

         Say whaaaaaaaaaaaat? A frickin' Godzilla movie?

         We never got around to viewing this one when it first hit DVD....by then we (and just about everybody else in the world) had tired of watching the same guy in a Godzilla suit pounding on other guys also zipped into rubber suits. 

          And then Godzy's home studio Toho tossed it over to the fans, running a script contest....asking them to come up with a new worthy opponent for everyone's favorite radioactive lizard. 

          Holy hot atomic breath....did they ever. 

          After hearing about the Criterion copy, we were delighted to discover that we still owned an unopened original Mirimax DVD of the film.....and finally popped it into the player.  (Oh the irony here....a Mirimax DVD with a monster more damaging than Harvey Weinstein.)

            We fully understand why the film achieved cult status with worldwide Godzilla fans.....

             It's a wild ride from start to finish. Perpetual action, epic amounts of destruction and a Heavyweight, one-of-a-kind sparring partner for Godzilla like no other. 

             Wastes no time at all......while Godzinator lays waste to another city, eco-warriors (or whoever) steal a patch of Big G's skin for scientific experiments. Then a whole bunch of other guys machine gun them, then a super assassin makes off with the skin. Please don't ask us to explain any of this.....

              Later, a huge scientific place goes kaboom from yet another attack, killing a scientist's beloved daughter. Pop consoles himself by concocting  Biollante, a cocktail monster mashup of Big G's DNA, his daughter's DNA.....and a red rose. (I bet you think we're making up that last part, right?)

            Oh no we're not!  Lovely Bio plants herself (literally) just offshore, with tentacles equipped with their own snappy jaw mouths, a transparent beating heart and a jumbo red rose for a  head (If this wouldn't qualify her for a new season of 'The Bachelorette, we don't know what would.)

        You just know that our boy Godz-o-rama  stalks over to Lovely Bio for an Atomic Breath smackdown. Poor Bio tries defending herself by splooging acid on Big G's face, but Big G's all out of tic-tacs so he gives Bio a hot breath heart massage.  So much for their first date, as we watch Bio-Babe reduced to pixie dust that floats up to the heavens.......

            But think again if you think that's the end of her. After G fends off all the usual, futile missile, tank and helicopter attacks, we feeble humans try shooting him up with bacteria. (To quote one guy, "Hey Mr. Godzilla! You always feel better when you take your medication orally."  We didn't make that one up either. Too bad Nurse Ratched wasn't around to give G a rectal bacteria injection 

            Holy lawn seed, Biollante comes sprinkling down from the sky, assembling into an even more badass version of herself and more than ready for Round 2. Big G's finally had enough abuse and gives her an Atomic Breath blow job......or more to the point, a blow up job.

            Once again, Bio ascends in a pixie dust cloud, but not before displaying the face of the young girl from which she was spawned. Godzy, as always, wades off into the deep ocean, while Bio turns into a space-station sized rose orbiting the planet. Feel free to dab some tears....

           All kidding aside, we adored every loony minute of it with one exception. Composer Koichi Sugiyama wisely inserts chunks of the legendary Akira Ifukube theme music (as was done in 'Godzilla Minus One'). But Sugiyama's own score, which plays incessantly, is juvenile and blatantly cornball, sounding like it was written for a Gerry Anderson 'Thunderbirds' puppet movie. 

          Dedicated Godzilla fans will want to snap up the Criterion blu-ray for a seventh heaven monster rally that'll make your back plates light up just like Big G's. 

            4 stars (****). 

'SHOUT AT THE DEVIL'.....ROGER 'N LEE GO TO AFRICA.....AND PLAY HELL WITH PRE-WORLD WAR I GERMANY.....

Shout At The Devil (1976).....probably arrived a decade too late for the kind of film it was and the mass audience it was designed for....

        An expansive, expensive, sprawling action-adventure, it delivered an overstuffed package of spectacular action, low comedy, exotic lush locales, international cast members and robust roles for its two big stars as brawling frenemies. 

         We gleefully gorged on a plentiful supply of movies like this throughout the 1960's, But amid the eclectic, groundbreaking cinema of the 1970's, this film came off like an antiquated, out-of-touch relic, with all its obvious flaws visible. 

         And it certainly didn't help that the pace dragged throughout its 150 minute length and that the film took a wild swerve in its last third......from rollicking hijinks to grim 'men-on-impossible-mission' territory. 

           We're back in 1914 East Africa, suffering under the dictatorial thumb of Germany. This state of affairs doesn't sit well with renegade ivory poacher Flynn O' Flynn (Lee Marvin in full 'Cat Ballou'/'Paint Your Wagon' ham-it-up' mode)  Flynn's constant smuggling and poaching bedevils local German commander Fleischer ( Rene Kolldehoff, blustery, bloated and decked out like a cartoon Bismark, complete with the spike atop his helmet)

            Through crooked means, Flynn recruits Stiff Upper Brit Sebastian Oldsmith (Roger Moore) to join him on his nefarious elephant hunting safari and float the harvested ivory tusks up the river patrolled by German gunboats. 

            (A word here about the rather disturbing Elephant hunt, with Moore and Lee felling dozens of the majestic beasts. A title card proudly proclaimed that no animals were harmed in the making of the film.......if we take the producers at their word, then somebody evidently trained the elephants to collapse on cue......but we still have our doubts.....)

          The stalwart Moore then follows the drunken loquacious Marvin on further random capers, further enraging the sputtering, close to comical Kolldehoff. (Along the way, the storyline introduces mediocre TV actress Barbara Parkins as Marvin's daughter and naturally, a love interest for Moore.)

          (We're way too saddened to discuss poor Ian Holm's role as Marvin's mute Arab sidekick. We're pretty sure he erased it from his memory and in honoring this gifted actor, so will we....)

          What truly disappointed us - given the film's directed by Peter Hunt (the editor of the first five Bond films and director of 'On Her Majesty's Secret Service' ) the ragged, uneven pace of the film left us shaking our head. Completely missing here is the propulsive energy and precise cutting that Hunt brought to the Bonds.  The film feels more like it was directed by a connect-the-dots journeyman like Andrew V. McLaglen.)

           The script gives its superstars little too work with, so Moore glides through it with his usual dapper cool and Marvin shamelessly chews up the scenery as he performs entire scenes bulging his eyes and slugging down gallons of gin.  At one point, the film allows them a lengthy John Ford-ish comic fistfight that leaves them both unconscious. These guys really could've used an actress to match them in charisma but Parkins is never more than barely adequate.

         As we mentioned, the film's third act tosses in a startling, brutal tragedy, which sends Moore, Lee and Parkins on a do or die mission to destroy a German battleship and personally send Kolldehoff to the hell he richly deserves.  It's by far the best part of the film, suspenseful, dramatic, loaded with action and might make you forget the random wandering it's been afflicted with through most of its running time. 

          For those viewers still woke-stricken, we give fair warning. The film was made in apartheid South Africa and still holds on to the attitudes of 1950's/1960's films set in Africa. The natives get regularly killed off in droves and the film thinks nothing of covering Moore in blackface so he can sneak on to the battleship as a native minion. 

        "Shout At The Devil" ends up as a mixed bag of pleasures and gaffes. With a tighter script, faster editing and a female lead to more than match the boys, it coulda been a contender. 

          2 & 1/2 stars (**1/2)

           

'NOBODY'S FOOL'......A GHOST FROM SAMI KIERCE'S PAST TURNS UP ALL TOO REAL....

 Nobody's Fool by Harlan Coben (2025)

     What can I say about a Harlan Coben book that hasn't been said in a thousand other reviews he's received?

     Another winner. Another page turner. More 'I-surely-didn't-see-that-coming' twists. More unforgettable characters you come to care about. And a certain guaranteed read that's only going to take you days to finish.

     All of the above mentioned stuff is here in abundance, along with a familiar trope that's one of the author's favorite ways to kick a plot into motion.......the surprise reappearance of someone who's been dead and gone for years.......supposedly.

     That's what's facing former (and now disgraced) police detective Sami Kierce, (who first appeared in "Fool Me Once')......a ghost from his youthful past has now returned to flesh and blood right in front of his startled eyes. Her name was Anna when college-age Sami became smitten by her while backpacking in Spain. Some glorious days and nights followed until he woke up one morning with her bloodied corpse on his bed. He races out to report this to an equally young policeman, who finds no trace of Anna, alive or dead. Before the Spanish police can get around to suspect him of something other than nursing delusions, Sami rushes back to America, still haunted by what he thought was Anna's murder.

     Years and misfortunes later, Sami's reduced to eking out a living in support of his beautiful wife Molly and his baby boy.. He dabbles with minor league private eye drudgery and teaching criminology to an oddball, eclectic mix of students. It's at this class, he sees an unannounced visitor - a woman who appears to be the mysterious, elusive Anna. And who promptly flees with Sami in pursuit.

     Sami's relentless search for the truth of what's going on plunges him into not one but two tormenting episodes from his past......tracing the convoluted, tortuous backstory of Anna's return and dealing with the sudden, shocking release of the vicious killer who murdered Sami's fiance when he was still a police detective.

     Here's what I truly enjoyed - that even with the Job-like trials and tribulations that Sami's endured, author Coben brings in liberal amounts of sharp wit and humor to both Sami and the cast of characters surrounding him. To help him unravel the ever twisting plotlines, Sami recruits his criminology students to become his own personal Scooby gang of crime solvers and it's a hoot to watch them in action. But I should also mention that when the dust finally clears and all is revealed, the book concludes with a deeply moving meditation on the sins of the past (and all the bad choices we make and live with).

     As flawed as Sami is, he remains one of Haran Coben's most steadfast and righteous heroes and I'd look forward to whenever the author concocts another case for him.

       5 stars (*****)

'SALTWATER'.......A TOXIC FAMILY DYNASTY IN SUNNY CAPRI, SWIMMING IN CASH, LIES AND MURDER....

Saltwater by Katy Hays (2025) 

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     Nothing like a relaxing sundrenched summer on the island of Capri with the filthy rich, ultra-entitled Lingate family. This sybaritic, sociopathic clan are swimming in old money as well the sparkling waters around their yearly vacation playground. Welcome to Lifestyles Of The Rich and Famously Creepy., littered with a walk-in closet size of family skeletons and at least one dead body.

     The body in question - Sarah Lingate, the brilliant, award winning playwright and late wife of Robert Lingate, who oversees the Lingate empire with his older brother Marcus. In 1992, Sarah's career and life ended on one of those rocky beaches beneath the Capri cliffs. The so called 'accidental' death left the surviving Lingates forever tainted with suspicions and unanswered questions. And the tragedy's left Sarah's infant daughter Helen to be raised in the iron grip of her imperious, dictatorial family.

     Thirty years later, Helen's grown into a 33 year old woman who feels desperately trapped, her life forever controlled by her domineering father and uncle. (Much the same way her mother felt prior to her death.) And now the family's rocked by the deliberate reappearance of Sarah's long missing gold necklace, sent to the Lingates by a person or persons unknown.


     At that point, the book's off and running with a staggering amount of plot machinations, twist after twist and tantalizing flashbacks to 1992 that slowly begin to connect the pieces to this vast puzzle. The mysteries surrounding the Lingates and their private lives (both charmed and star-crossed) only deepen further and laid out only when you're rapidly turning those final pages.to reach the last stunning twist.

     I've always had a soft spot for stories of corrupt family dynasties riddled with sins, so I couldn't wait to dive into this one. But I'd feel less than honest if I didn't point out the flaws that keep me from giving it a full 5 stars. First, it's way, way overlong and could've used some judicious pruning, especially in those repetitious flashback teasers that dole out a little more info one nugget at a time. Second, a few of the twists are just too far-fetched to swallow, forcing the author into those 'you-gotta-be-kiddin-me' leaps of logic to explain them. (The is the second book I've reviewed this year that threw in a twist that could only generate a chorus of 'gimme-a-break-with-this, will-ya?' from readers.

     Apart from that, this one's an essential read for everyone who'd love to luxuriate in a gorgeous locale and a watch a wealthy nest of vipers swamped with a tsunami of family skeletons that tumble out like quarters from a jackpot=hitting slot machine. And I think of the money I saved on airline tickets to Italy.......

       4 stars (****)

WEEKEND MADNESS WRAP-UP.....SPECIAL "JUDGES? WE DON'T NEED NO JUDGES. WE DON'T HAVE TO USE NO STINKIN' JUDGES' EDITION.....

 

Trump's DEI purge eliminates atomic bomb plane 'Enola Gay' because it contains the world 'gay'......the President also signs an executive order changing the lyrics of 'Deck The Hall's' to now say, "Don we now our orange skin dye"......

Justice Roberts scolds Trump demanding impeachment for a judge he doesn't like......Roberts reportedly revised his original statement which read....".....naughty, naughty little President......this is what I get for spoiling you rotten with a get-out-of-jail-free card......behave or I'll have to spank you with a swimming pool noodle...."

Elon Musk starts casting his predatory eye on Social Security.....proudly declaring, "You know, if we starve out enough of these useless old farts taking too long die, think of the money we'll save!  We could stack the bodies on a barge and just float 'em out to sea to feed the fishes. o ma;ybe even convert them to pet food...."

Trump spreads economic chaos around the country and the world as the GOP congress sits inert and silent......in related news, Lindsay Graham is rushed to a hospital after contracting E Coli from repeated licking of Trump's (REDACTED).

Owner of Maine Inn worries he may go out of business as Canadian tourists, infuriated by Trump, cancel their vacation plans to the U.S.......When advised of this situation, Trump remarked, "That won't be a problem after we send in troops and make Canada great again by annexing it to America. But I still won't let 'em come down to swim in our resort pools without a $300 dollar travel tariff per tourist...."

'SERENADE FOR TWO SPIES'......AGENT DOUBLE-0 IDIOT NARRATES HIS OWN SUMPREMELY SILLY MISSION....

Serenade For Two Spies (1965)   By now, you regular BQ visitors know of our undying passion for cheesy, slapdash 'Eurospy' movies that flooded the world market after every human on Earth became fixated on James Bond. 

          (This worldwide frenzy kicked off with the 1964 release of 'Goldfinger' and Bond-o-Mania maintained a fever pitch right up till the end of the decade.....)

           The overall quality of these films (almost always co-productions between Italy and any number of other European countries), wildly varies. 

           Some are competently done and actually fun to watch. Some are so dumb, cheap and clumsy, they're still fun to take in as guilty pleasures. And more than a few......well, we can make no excuses for them.  (But we sat through 'em anyway, it's a tough job, but somebody's gotta do it.)

            We truly believed we'd viewed every possible version of this genre until we came across this hidden gem on Tubi. It's not even listed in the exhaustive, comprehensive EuroSpy Encyclopedia we frequently refer to. 

             While the usual EuroSpy movies tried to maintain the same sort of arch tongue-in-cheek of the Bonds, 'Serenade For Two Spies' throws subtlety to the wind and goes all in for pure silliness, a deliberate, satirical, take no prisoners spoof on the genre.

             Our dapper ultra-stud John Krim (a.k.a. 006 1/2) not only takes on international villainy in Las Vegas and San Francisco, he narrates his own adventures as if he's a private eye in a 40's noir or Harrison Ford in that disavowed 'Blade Runner' edit.

              As played by Hellmut Lange, Agent Krim bounces back and forth between the two above mentioned cities so many times, we lost count. The nervy Italian-German filmmakers probably never bothered with official permits from either city, which leads to some startling, hilarious sights. 

              In full view of gaping tourists, we get to see Agent Johnny hanging out of San Fran cable cars and landing, we kid you not, his personal airplane on to Vegas's dazzling 'glitter gulch' Fremont Street.  (And you can bet your Walther PPK we were lovin' it more than a Big Mac and Large Fries......)  What a guy, that Krim. 

             (Speaking of permits, we also doubt this crew obtained Stephen Sondheim and Leonard Berstein's blessing for Hellmut Lange to painfully warble 'America' from 'West Side Story')

              006 1/2's adversary is the dreaded Pepito gang, whose carload of minions, for reasons we never understood, all use hand clickers as they're constantly chasing and pummeling our hero. (Maybe they've all got the same nervous tic, like Humphrey Bogart rolling his steel balls in "The Caine Mutiny").

             And the MacGuffin that everybody's after?  What else but that beloved mainstay of all EuroSpies,  a frickin' laser rifle.

             Popping up as the movie's Designated Bombshell is the mysterious, quirky Tamara, played by the illegally cute 'n sexy Barbary Lass (enormous eyes to swim in and cascading blonde hair styles to match). But in the film's most unintentionally funny moment (or was it?), it appears actors Lange and Lass never had proper training for kissing on camera. During their supposedly heated smooch, we could clearly see them both keeping their lips tightly sealed. (Did someone forget their morning Listerine?). 

            Let's move on the staggering, insane conclusion with our indomitable Krim-inator defeating the bad guys and saving the day while underwater.  And 'underwater' here means placing the camera lens in front of a half-filled aquarium. Let's see James Cameron top that one for special effects ingenuity.

           This one could only be watchable by all BQ kindred spirits who embrace and adore the peculiar but never-less-than-entertaining lunacy of EuroSpy movies. For both them and us, 'Serenade's a newly discovered 4 star (****)find. 

            For all others who don't fall under that demographic, we'd advise not approaching this film unless you're in a real silly mood, or seriously drunk.....or both. 

'HANGRY HEARTS'....A NEW ROMEO & JULIET COOKIN' UP SPARKS...(AND THEIR FOOD'S TO DIE FOR....)

  Hangry Hearts by Jennifer Chen (2025)

     Oh, the food, the food. One of those books where you can hear your stomach rumbling all the through the read. By the time you finish,, you're already waiting for Door Dash or Grubhub to deliver a 10 course Taiwanese-Korean meal.

     The book? Very standardized YA Romeo & Juliet/Friends-to-enemies-to-rivals-to-kissers, all against a backdrop of feuding food truck families. The two kids are duly adorable, destined for boyfriend-girlfriend status and once that's established, proceed to smooch at every opportunity.

     The story construction, however, is another story altogether. Author Jennifer Chen throws in a lot of different elements here, with the intention, I'm supposing, of keeping all these balls in the air at the same time. (Gender transition, generational divides, sibling rivalries, culture assimilation, community outreaches). But somewhere on the way to the expected Happily Ever After for everyone, subplots fade away and disappear, never to be seen or heard from again.

     Julie Wu and Randall Hur grew up in warm friendship right along with their two families. But a traumatic event forever affecting both families split them apart into hated enemies and rivals at their separate Farmer's Market food booths. This makes tough going for Randall and Julie, who still nurse lifelong crushes on each other even as their force-of-nature grandmothers (and super chefs) hurl death glares at each other.

     A community school project throws our rival cutie-pies together and before you can say 'Wherefore art thou'?' romantic sparks fly. But our feudin' foodies need to keep their non-stop kissing hush-hush lest their unforgiving families smell what's cookin'.

     As I mentioned before, the book never keeps a firm grip on all the issues it raised. Randall's gender transition is put out there, but not really dealt with in any depth and seems irrelevant to the main story anyway. The community school project falls to the wayside less than halfway through. And the book resorts to a too perfectly timed easy way out of yet another of its conflicts.

     I could accept all of the above flaws but then the book tries something that takes a lot of nerve for an author. By that I mean assuming we've so fallen in love with all the characters that we won't mind hanging out with them even after the main story's been long resolved. I usually can't stand this, but to author Chen's credit, I didn't mind staying in the company of families We and Hur a little bit longer than necessary.

     Julie and Randall are indeed the sweetest kids imaginable (as well as their extended families. (Not to mention terrific, dedicated kissers). But YA readers will, I'm sure, make up their own minds if they're charmed enough to spend all that superfluous time with them.

     Nothing in this story you haven't read before, but oh that food. Pardon me while I order some to go.......

       3 stars (***).