WEEKEND MADNESS WRAP-UP....SPECIAL "IT'S A MAD, MAD, MAD, MAD TRUMP" EDITION....

       With this week's events of escalating horror, it's easy to see why the Saturday Night Live 'cold open' becomes less funny and tiresome every week......

      The SNL writers simply cannot match the actual craziness of Trump and his goons. For sheer lunacy and fantasy, he's far exceeded any attempts to ridicule him and his limitless ever growing heights of evil and absurdity. He's turned the entire country into one colossal SNL skit that we're all stuck in as helpless supporting players. 

       A peaceful, healthy, benevolent weekend to one and all....

BQ EXCLUSIVE!! WE INTERVIEW MELANIA TRUMP ON THE EVE OF HER MOVIE'S RELEASE TO THEATERS NATIONWIDE!

 

BQ:  Mrs. First Lady, welcome to the Beached Quill.

M:  Bored to be here, as I am everywhere. This is Newsmax, no?

BQ: Uh...no...Madame FLOTUS, this is our blog site.

M: I don't care....do you?

BQ:  Ah yes...from your infamous jacket. So, your movie, a documentary of your life, opens tomorrow and the response across the country and the world has been filled with-

M: Enthusiasm, I know. Donald told me.

BQ: Actually....more like disgust, revulsion, nausea....and most frequently.... laughter.

M:  This is fake news. People tell me they show sneak preview on crowded plane......and only 150 people asked for parachutes. Some couldn't wait a minute and just threw themselves out of the plane. A few others watched,   with little paper bags in laps.

BQ: In some theaters, only one ticket was pre-sold. How do you account for this lack of advance sales?

M:  Is bad mistake in marketing. They should not have run the ads that say, "Almost as much fun as Joker: Folie a Deux'" and "Only your last root canal can equal it in excitement".

BQ: Yes, I can see how those slogans might discourage people. 

M: People lining up as we speak. You know we get most excellent director Brett Ratboy, man who gave you Rush Hour movies. He very good with those of us who speak broken English. He said I make Jackie Chan sound like Anthony Hopkins. 

BQ: Are you aware that Brett Ratner's been credibly accused of multiple sexual assaults? And that his name pops up on the Epstein files?

M: Brit Rattrap, he good boy, never lay greasy finger on the Melania. Donald force his Paramount minions to let him make Rush Hour 4. And he also attached to direct me as 'Natasha' in new movie based on Rocky and Bullwinkle cartoon. But no Boris in it to clutter things up.....just me, the Melania as Natasha, chasing moose and squirrel. Much fun for whole family and Pornhub users.

BQ: Personally and I think I speak for millions, we can't wait to miss it. 

M:  Is your loss. Already pre-sold tickets to Barron, Don Jr. and Eric. Ivanka too busy, she say she needs time to count her eyelashes. 

BQ: I understand the premiere of the film will be mostly attended by D-list celebrities.

M: Not true. Fake news. We have top superstars coming, Scott Baio, Kid Rock, the entire next cast of 'Dancing With Stars' and Kyle Rittenhouse will fire off celebration burst of bullets from AR-15 over audience heads. On request, popcorn will be covered with molten gold. Steve Bannon be there, but we provide Hazmat suits for anyone who sits next to him.

BQ: Fascinating. Did you know that two thirds of the crew who worked on your film asked that their names be taken off the credits? Why do you suppose they did that?

M:  Is not the Melania's fault. Amazon Jeff Bezos trick them into working on movie. He tell them it was origin story of the new Bond movie villainess, played by me... Pussy The Bore. Told  them movie called The Spy Who Bought Me....with Donald as new Bond. 

BQ: That sounds too ridiculous for words.

M:  Is currently sitting in development hell....also fitting name for my years of marriage to Donald. 

BQ:  Well, Melania, thanks for making time from your busy schedule to stop in and talk. But we can't say we're looking forward to your movie. 

M: No offence taken. Neither is anyone else with ounce of sanity and common sense. Here, let me give you official 'Melania' movie gift basket. 

BQ: Wow, very generous of you. What a nice large tote bag. What's in it?

M: Much goodies. First, 200,000 free tickets to Melania the Movie. Please hand out to friends and neighbors. I beg of you. Also, your own knockoff of  infamous Melania inauguration hat, also doubles as Frisbee and weapon, since brim is sharp steel razor. Be first person on your block to behead random child or Amazon delivery man.

BQ: One last question, since Amazon laid out 40 million dollars to produce the film, can we expect to see it on Prime any day now?

M: Jeff the Bezos tell me they will insert chunks of my movie into episodes of 'Fallout', so you will think it's just another part of nuclear war aftermath.

BQ: Clever move. What's that you're handing me? Wait....is that one half of a 1000 dollar bill?

M: Is all yours. You get other half of bill when you show the Melania a ticket stub you bought from seeing my movie. Fair deal, no? Same deal I make to everyone I meet. 

BQ: In all honesty, First Lady, I think I'd rather have white hot needles driven into my eyes than sit through your film. 

M: Is so funny.....that's what everybody tell me. Even Donald. 

BQ: Good night and bad luck on the film!

'MANHATTAN MURDER MYSTERY'....WOODY ALLEN'S PRECURSOR TO 'ONLY MURDERS IN THE BUILDING'

 Manhattan Murder Mystery (1993)

     This film hit two major landmarks......it was the last co-starring collaboration between WoodyAllen and Diane Keaton and it arrived just as Allen began his long, protracted side into notoriety His longtime partner and frequent co-star Mia Farrow had just discovered Allen's affair with one of their adopted step-children.....whom he later married.

        But we'll say nothing more about Allen's well known controversial, scandal-ridden personal life and concentrate on the movie......which, regardless of whatever opinion the world (and BQ) may personally hold about Allen, remains a breezy, witty piece of funny fluff. (It's even one of Allen's own favorites among his lengthy impressive filmography. )

       To Millennials and Gen-Zers, 'MMM' may appear to have directly inspired Hulu's hit comedy series 'Only Murders In The Building'.   As supremely self absorbed, upper middle class New York apartment dwellers, Allen and Keaton finally come across something that breaks through their usual obsessions (Books, art, films, concerts, Broadway,  wine, restaurants, divorces and backbiting gossip).......the death of one of their neighbors.

       Larry and Carol Lipton (Allen, Keaton) are stunned by the sudden tragedy that's befallen their overbearing and aging apartment neighbors, Paul and Lillian House (Jerry Adler, Lynn Cohen). Lillian's succumbed to a fatal heart attack only a day after she and Paul shared a chatty night of coffee and conversation with the Liptons.

         Carol, to Larry's muttering exasperation, thinks Lillian's death is suspicious and worthy of some amateur Nancy Drew-ish investigation. Larry, ever neurotic and fearful, tosses out a steady stream of nervous gags as he grows increasingly manic in his frustration with Carol's and her quest....... to find out how Paul murdered his wife. Getting no help from Larry, she turns to their best friend Ted (Alan Alda) a equally high strung stage director who's more than eager to join Carol as a sleuth partner.....(especially since he thinks of her as the-one-that-got-away.....)

         In addition to his usual trademarked lampooning of New York City's upperclass culture vultures, Woody Allen remembers to duly pay homage and respect to the murder mystery genre itself.......so expect surprises, twists, shocks, and as a loving bonus, a bang-up tongue in cheek tribute to the classic finale of  Orson Welles' "The Lady From Shanghai". 

        And best of all, the movie's madcap MVP Diane Keaton once again reminds us why we all fell in love with her. Her constant rapid fire bickering with Allen almost plays like patter songs in a Broadway musical. And when she finally convinces him to join her as in co-detecting, they're a priceless goofy Nick and Nora 'Thin Man' team to die for......and they almost do. 

         While we realize that Allen now remains a problematic, divisive figure for many people when it comes to fairly judging his work, we've no qualms about liking this movie. It's a slick mixture of modern anxiety comedy, tricky mystery and propelled by one the most delightful actresses of 20th century cinema. 

          That's more than enough for a 4 star rating. (****).

     

'FAMILY DRAMA'.......THE TURBULENT PAST AND PRESENT LIVES OF A SUPERSTAR AND HER FAMILY.......

  Family Drama by Rebecca Fallon (release date 02/03/26)

     Here's one to look out for at your favorite bookstore..... of which we can give you an honest review thanks to an advance copy provided to SQ by NetGalley and Simon & Schuster

     I stand in awe of any book than can so fully immerse you in its ambitious, sweeping storyline and fascinating characters, that you lose yourself in the escalating drama and heartbreak of it..........especially when its shifting timelines move you between past, present and succeeding generations.

     For me, "Family Drama" checked all the boxes for that kind of reading experience.

     It's a family saga that begins with the romantic union of two people who make the most unlikely of couples - struggling young Boston actress Susan and college professor Alcott. Susan has bigger dreams than re-enactments of the Salem witch trials, and hits that impossible stroke of luck every actor dreams of - a starring role in TV's most popular, most watched soap opera. Hollywood glamor and stardom beckon her while Alcott only wants to remain in Boston to pursue his academic publishing career and the tenure that goes with it.

     And herein lies the lifelong strife in Susan and Alcott's relationship as through the years they attempt a bicoastal .marriage. Susan's growing superstardom and celebrity lead to endless cross country plane flights as she takes on the mounting pressures of trying to achieve a have-it-all life with Alcott. A life that includes family, career.....and then motherhood. The birth of their twins Sebastian and Viola eventually forces Susan into a pivotal decision about her dual lives.......until a cruel twist of fate takes her choice away from her.

     With Susan dying young while her children were still toddlers, Sebastian and Viola have grown up trying to piece together memories of their legendary mother.. It's a quest Alcott chose not to encourage, leaving him deeply estranged from Sebastian. But Susan, as a college student in London, has taken her own path to build a memory of her mother. She's met and fallen for, of all people Susan's co-star (and rumored lover) Orson, who's aged into a worldwide famous A-List movie star..

     The book truly lives up to its title as a family drama that far eclipses any turns of plot to be found in Susan's TV famous TV show. And author Rebecca Fallon spins her decades long tale with prose that incisively goes right to the heart of her characters. While I'm by no means a regular reader of literary fiction, this book completely captivated me from start to finish........and I recommend it to everyone.

     5 stars (*****).

'THE NAKED SPUR'......JAMES STEWART AND ANTHONY MANN TOUGHEN UP THE WESTERN

The Naked Spur (1953) 

     For lovers of 1950's westerns, the series of films made by director Anthony Mann and his star James Stewart became the gold standard for the genre.

     Together, they took all the tropes of cowboys 'n Indians 'n outlaw gunslingers into dangerous darker psychological drama. 

       This one, their second collaboration stands among the best of them. It's a slim but muscular brutal tale of five disparate souls whose paths cross amid the stunning, colorful landscapes of the Colorado Rockies.

       Stewart's performances, as many film pundits have noted, took on a deeper, angrier edge coming out of his harrowing combat missions as an Army Air Force bomber captain in World War 2.  So he was more than able to tap into a well of barely suppressed rage to play Civil War veteran and bounty hunter Howard Kemp. 

        After surviving the carnage of the war, Kemp discovered the woman he planned to marry had fled after selling the ranch he'd hope to build his life upon and start a family. Now, he's reduced to hunting down vicious killer Ben Vandergroat (Robert Ryan), who's on the run with his adoring young girlfriend Lina (Janet Leigh), who thinks Ben is just falsely accused and misunderstood. 

       Kemp catches up with Ben, but only with the unlikely aid of grizzled old gold prospector Jesse (Millard Mitchell) and hot headed, trigger happy ex cavalryman Roy (Ralph Meeker), newly (and dishonorably) discharged from the Army. 

       With Ben and Lina captured, the irascible, unhappy Howard is forced to split the bounty reward with Jesse and Roy, money he'd planned to use to buy back his ranch.

        But it's a long trek through the wilderness to the nearest town, filled with pitfalls, detours, and a rampaging tribe seeking vengeance on Roy. Not to mention the always grinning, reptilian Ben, never missing an opportunity to play off his three captors against each other. 

         The scenery is eye popping and the dramatic fireworks rocketing between the five characters blasts off from the first minute to the last of this film's ultra swift 91 minute running time. 

         Stewart has never been better at playing a man who's been physically and emotionally destroyed........ and now driven only by the internal pain he carries like a protective shield while on this quest to put his life right again. 

         For all film buffs cinema curators, 'The Naked Spur', still shines as a 5 star essential. (*****). 

        

       

WEEKEND MADNESS WRAP-UP......SPECIAL "I HAVE A CONCEPT OF A PLAN....'EDITION

 

This week's avalanche/tsunami of stupidity, cruelty and lunacy stays beyond description, so we've let imagery sum it up.......

    We of America and the world can only hope and pray that those lethal amounts of fat and cholesterol he consumes from McDonalds will continue to work overtime to bring this insanity to an end.......

       Oh...and have a peaceful, relatively nice weekend, as best you can!

 

'SINNERS'.......DEEP SOUTH BLUES BROTHERS VS. THE KKK...AND VVV...(VORACIOUS, VIOLIN-PLAYING VAMPIRES)

 Sinners (2025)

     16 Academy Award nominations?  Really?  Is is that good a movie?

      We're here to tell you yes.....with some reservations.

      Writer-director Ryan Coogler ("Black Panther") crafted a sweeping, wildly ambitious early 20th century epic musical/action/drama/horror film that covers black culture attempting to survive and flourish..... even in the dark heart of the Jim Crow 1930's Deep South of Mississippi. 

       It's that horror part that some critics and viewers have had a hard time with......

       The first half of the film sets up what an audience expects to become a propulsive melodrama that won't flinch away from the worst excesses left over from the Civil War. 

      Identical twins 'Smoke' and 'Stack (both played by Michael B. Jordan) have come back to the region that birthed them.......but only after somehow living  through the bloody trenches of World I and holding their own on the bullet riddled streets of gangland Chicago. Together, they're more than ready to go toe to toe with by the Ku Klux Klan.

      Using the spoils they've taken from Windy City mobsters, they've purchased an abandoned sawmill from a local KKK bigwig, turning it into a local dance 'n drink all night 'juke joint'. 

       And the joint's star attraction will be legendary pianist Delta Slim(Oscar nominated Delroy Lindo) and their young cousin Sammie, so gifted a blues guitarist that his music has the power to break the borders of time and space.....and create a supernatural rip that'll let loose who knows what demonic forces. 

       And here's where Coogler takes his film and cast into a 360 left turn from heated melodrama to gory horror. 

        Because in addition to the brutal Klan, also rampaging around the area is Irish vampire Remmick (a wildly entertaining and dangerous performance by Jack O' Connell).

          As the twins' crowded joint really starts jumpin', Sammie's musical abilities do in fact warp time, in a show stopping bravura sequence that suddenly populates the 1930's dance floor with African American music and performers from every era of world history....

          But the music also attracts the sly vampiric Remmick, a seductive Irish folk musician in his own right,  and his newly converted white trash  bloodsuckers, who use Stack's white ex girlfriend Mary (Hailee Steinfeld) to gain entry into the joint.....and all bloody hell breaks out, with very few of the cast left alive. 

            Whatever you may think of Coogler's decision to abruptly turn his film into a southern fried 'From Dusk Til Dawn', there's no denying his visual creative skills It's filmmaking that revels in the visual power of its images and makes 'Sinners' an exhilarating experience to watch......(which probably explains why Academy Award voters were so taken with it.)

         Maybe the film's a coulda-woulda-shoulda wanna-be that threw away its chance to become a dramatic powerhouse grounded in reality. But there's no denying that its swing into fantasy and pulpy Tarantino-like carnage probably gained it way more attention and a far wider audience.....not to mention big box office bucks. 

          And BQ did get a hell of kick out it.....

          4 stars (****).

         

         

        

'AGATHA CHRISTIE'S SEVEN DIALS'.....FAR FROM TOP DRAWER CHRISTIE, BUT LADY BUNDLE'S A BUNDLE INDEED......

 Agatha Christie's Seven Dials (Netflix 2026)

   

    As a lifelong avid reader, BQ remembers spending a summer consuming murder mysteries (including a bunch of Christies) at age 15 or so....but we don't remember ever getting around to 'Seven Dials'......

       So we can't make any comparison of the book to this 3 episode British produced Neflix mini-series.  (.....though from what we've heard, it takes its own enormous liberties with the novel.)

       It's quite an odd duck of a Christie adaptation that appears to attempt that genre-bending algorithm that Neflix is so fond of.......mixing Christie's stiff-upper-lip, lavish mansion, teacup mystery with early 20th century international espionage.....complete with a Hitchcock-type assassination (murder by angry bull) and moving on the death by silenced pistol. 

          By the time the third episode springs all its shocking surprises and shows all its cards, we'd come to realize the show was dedicated to setting up its own spinoff that has even less to do with Dame Agatha.....but more like preparing us for a stately, antique globe-hopping James Bond-ish series.

           Come to think of it, that does in fact sound like our kind of fun, especially if it continues to star this show's MVP, the elfin, adorable but yet quite formidable Mia McKenna-Bruce. 

         The delightful MMB plays young socialite Lady Eileen 'Bundle' Brent, nicknamed 'Bundle' from the popular slang of the day to describe a vivacious, bubbly and much desired 'it' girl.

         And amid the uppercrust nobles and gentry of 1925 England, quite the bundle she is, entrancing, outraging and confounding everyone who crosses paths with her. 

          Bundle shares a sprawling  country estate with her eccentric reclusive (and deadpan funny) mother Lady Caterham (played with wonderfully understated dry humor by Helena Bonham-Carter). 

            Lady C. can barely disguise her withering contempt at having to make ends meet by renting out the estate for a lavish party given by Foreign Office bigwig George Lomax. (Alex Macqueen). But Bundle doesn't mind, given how taken she is with that young Foreign Office fellow Gerry Wade (Cory Mylchreest), who's hinting he plans to propose to her.

             Fat chance for poor Gerry, who turns up dead the next morning, supposedly from a sedative overdose. This sets the irrepressible, fearless but now heartbroken Bundle on a sleuthing hunt for Gerry's murderer.....much to the consternation of her mother and Scotland Yard Superintendent Battle (Martin Freeman, matching Bonham-Carter with an equally sly end-up of British umbrage.) 

          In the interest of not spending another 5 hours describing the plot, we're leaving out the typically large Agatha Christie cast of characters surrounding Bundle. Naturally there's a host of various prime suspects and assorted folks who either help or hinder our indomitable ingenue on her way to uncover stunning revelations.....(some of which shake her world to its core and set her on a whole new path to......we dare not say.

         Frankly, we stayed with this show because like many of the male characters, we found ourselves captivated by Mia Mckenna-Bruce as the iron-willed pixie who could bend people to her will simply with her fetching smile.  She's really the whole show here and we didn't mind a bit.  (Her scenes with Freeman and Bonham-Carter are the very essence of stylish, understated British humor.)

          As for that finale......if Netflix actually greenlights a 'Seven Dials' second season, chances are it will contain minimum Christie and maximum  MMB. 

           Go for it, Netflix.....we'll be there for our new favorite girl.......3 stars (***).