The Linda Vista Project (2015) You may well ask (as we've asked ourselves)......why, out of thousands upon thousands of obscure, dirt-cheap horror DVDs, why would we pick this one to blog about?
Good question. Answer: We didn't pick it.
It was picked for us. By, of all people, our beloved wife, Mrs. BQ, who found it in a Dollar General store bin amidst dozens of similar cheapo horrors. For the incredibly exorbitant sum of $2.95.
And bought strictly as a joke gift. Why that one?
The cover, as you can see, features a forbidding, ghostly Ratched-type nurse ominously pointing.......as she's announcing to some poor soul that it's time for their rectal thermometer or an industrial sized enema.
So how could we not watch such a thoughtful gift? It would be like begging off wearing that new Christmas sweater with reindeers whose antlers light up.
Watching that sweater light up for 90 minutes still would provide more entertainment than the same amount of time we spent watching "The Linda Vista Project".
It's ghost hunting time, kiddies, with a young trio of paranormal investigators ( two babes and a spare boyfriend) wandering through a long abandoned legendarily haunted hospital.
They're joined by a skeptical douchebag representing the company that plans to refurbish the hospital into condos or whatever.
NON SPOILER ALERT: Bad stuff happens.
(That's for those of you who've been in a coma since "The Blair Witch Project", "Paranormal Activity" and their 300,000 imitations were set loose upon the world)
To our surprise, the filmmakers here splurged on some CGI........so there's a guy in a rubber monster suit with all sorts of digital fuzz piled on him to make him look extra creepy.
What they didn't splurge on, no surprise, are professional actors.
So the ghostbusters and Mr. Douchebag are played by a quartet community theater rejects who dutifully recite their lines like they've been practicing for at least 5 to 10 minutes.
Painful, to say the least. But there are a few odd moments of fleeting fun watching the Rubber Monster Suit Guy zip around the hospital in a swirl of CGI smoke.....it's a shame they didn't give him a few lines like, "I'll get you.......and I'll get your little dog, too.')
We might have even given this movie up to half a star (well, make that one quarter of a star) for the Rubber Monster Suit Guy.
But sorry, they blew their chance with the phony advertising on the DVD box.
Not once does the ghostly Nurse Ratched on the box cover show up to give anyone an enema. BQ will NOT tolerate such an unforgivable scam.
For that blatant offense, "The Linda Vista Project" earns Zero stars (0)
Hasta La Linda Vista, baby. If you must spend $2.95 at the Dollar General store, make it jumbo-sized Kit Kat. And break us off a piece while you're at it...........
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