Saturday, February 25, 2017

OSCAR PREDICTIONS.....FOR THE SHOW, NOT THE NOMINEES....

            We'll avoid prognosticating Academy Award winners since the number of people doing this equals the expected billion viewer audience of the show itself.....

              But after a lifetime of long-night's-journey-into-morning watching Oscar telecasts, we feel safe in making the following predictions about the show itself......

               "We Are Not Amused..."   As Jimmy Kimmel flings barbs at the assembled Hollywood A-Listers, the camera will cut to their reactions. Almost all of them will put on their happy face....but expect at least one of them to stare back at Kimmel, grim and honestly un-tickled.....

               Obscure Winner Gabba-Gabba Filibuster  Early on in the telecast, a winner that neither you or the entire civilized world ever heard of will rush up to claim his prize for Best Short Documentary About Armenian Sheep Herders. Now armed with the world's greatest bully pulpit in front of him, he will blab and blab on incoherently, even with the orchestra insistently playing him off. To everyone's regret, the Academy will stop short of using the only thing that would shut him up.....a 300 ton crate dropped on his head.  Ah well....maybe next year....

              Trump-Bashing   If you've read any of our previous posts, you know that no one loathes and despises the Orange-inator more than the BQ. But political scoldings and diatribes from ridiculously overpaid people in $5000 tuxedos and $10,000 gowns doesn't sit well with millions of people who barely scraped enough together to pay the electric and heating bill. As screenwriter Paddy Chayefsky once chided Vanessa Redgrave.....winning an Oscar isn't a pivotal moment in history.....a simple 'thank you' would suffice. But you can bet your popcorn and raisanets that more than one star will pop off as if they're appearing on a CNN opinion panel......

              The Dark Night Of The Soul we predict will arrive somewhere after three hours into the show. Realizing you have to get up early tomorrow for work, you'll glance at your watch, horrified....the show continues to drag on and they haven't even gotten to the biggies yet, the Best Actor/Actress, Director, Picture. Your bowl of Cheetos and chips sits emptied, your eyelids droop and you'll hurl something at the screen if you hear the 'La La Land' music played one more time......

               Of course, if none of these things come to pass.....we were kidding. If they do, we'll loudly trumpet our soothsaying brilliance in a future post.

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