'ALL THE STARS ALIGN'....A DISABLED TEEN STRUGGLES WITH HER FAMILY'S TRUE LOVE 'BLESSING'......

  All The Stars Align by Gretchen Schreiber (2025)

     The stars do indeed align here........meaning that a reader can see the finale of this book coming from its description alone and without having to read a single page of it. Which begs the question - well then, why would we?

     Why in the world would we pick up another "girl-enlists-her-lifelong-childhood=friend-to-help-her-win-the-boy-she's-in-love-with-when-she-can't-see-her-true-love's-right-in-front-of-her' story?

     The simple answer (and challenge for any author who attempts such a book).......you gotta have a gimmick .

     It's not enough to make your characters sympathetic, cute, handsome likeable and altogether adorable and worthy of us rooting for them. Because pretty much ALL the books in this genre capably accomplish that goal. And 'All The Stars Align' is no exception.

     An author has to find some sort of suitable, formidable roadblock to throw into the path of our eventual lovey-doveys. In this case, it's literally Fate with a capital F.......in the form of 'The Blessing', a magical moment of soulmate revelations that strike the women of 18 year old Piper's family. But Piper worries her path to that bibbity-bobby-boo moment will elude her for two major reasons. First, her mother has committed the blasphemous act of divorcing her father, an outrageous repudiation of the 'Blessing'. Secondly, a painful childhood of spinal fusion operations has left her with physical disabilities, fostering her feeling that she's an oddball anomaly not just among her peers, but in the perfect romantic history of her family.

     Piper's determined to achieve the expected goals of her mom's sisters, the meddling aunts who run the jewelry store where Piper works part time. #1. snag the One, when the B word finally hits her like a ton of bricks. #2 - help her aunts bring her mom and dad back together. #3 - take over running her aunts' store even though her talents lie in science rather than business.

     When the thing-we-shall-not-name strikes her lovelorn at a party, Piper enlists the aid of her lifelong boy pal Leo to instruct her in the nurturing of her love for Forest, who's apparently the Designated-Forever-Whatever. She takes on this Mission Impossible, despite her.........(wonder I'm going to write next).....lifelong, suppressed feelings for Leo.

     Come on, now. Do I really need to describe what transpires through the rest of this book to the end? Didn't think so.

     I kid a lot but truth be told, I'm no different from thousands of other readers who can't resist this genre. And no I couldn't stop reading until that satisfying ending gets duly delivered. The magical stuff doesn't really come off too well. (Instead of warm 'n cozy comic relief, the aunts seem more like an annoying religious cult.). As much I'm cheering on Piper, her path to common sense began to test my patience after a while.

           With a plot this familiar and done so many times, you're either all in or doing upward eye-rolls. But if you're addicted to love stories you'll have to decide if the whole Blessing/Fate thing was worth throwing into the mix. And I'm not sorry I stuck with it. Cause, you know, they're all sympathetic, cute handsome, adorable etc, etc. etc...........

           3 stars (***).

'DEADSTREAM'.....A CREEPY ENTITY SNEAKS UP STREAMERS.....SIGNING THEM OFF FOREVER.

 Deadstream by Mar Romasco-Moore (2025)

     Here's a thoroughly unnerving cautionary tale for social media streamers and everyone who's addicted to them worse than opioids. What happens when you come across a literal Ghost In The Machine.......and you end up with a site whose only 'live' part is the equipment still trained on your dead body.

     By the time the dust, clicks and corpses settle, you're thinking a whole bunch of these people would've been better off if they slammed their laptops shut and stuck to reading a good book.

      Probably not this book, though, since it would give them Deja Views all over again......and once again put them in the cross hairs of the entity who uses click bait as live bait........

     Since there's already been a host of movies using this very same premise, I understand what author Rom Romasco-Moore was trying to accomplish here. In book form, our lead character could be rendered with far more nuance and depth than we'd ever find in a 90 minute horror movie

     And that in fact is what 'Deadstream' does for teen Teresa.. She's been deeply traumatized by a car accident that left her with severe injuries and killed her best friend. Now terrified of the world outside her room, she's self-imprisoned herself there, spending her days on her own streaming site and following others who've achieved cyber-superstardom..

    But what's going with 'Brick' the most followed and admired of those stars? What's that shadowy dark figure sneaking up behind him? What happened and why does Brick now spend endless hours staring out at everyone with an eyes wide open catatonic state? An elaborate prank? Or something way too scary to think about......

     As other streamers fall victim to the same otherworldly phenomenon, Teresa soon finds herself in a desperate battle with a horrific entity whose predatory stalkings show up clearly on the livestreams, but not in the real eyesight of its prey. The stuff of nightmares for sure.

     For me, there were equal amounts of 'likes' and 'dislikes' here. As you would expect in this story, the author laboriously replicates all the online chatter surrounding the catastrophic events unfolding in real time. I guess this would count as a plus for people who think the online chats shown in movies go by too fast to read..........but after pages and pages of that dross you may find yourself skimming through it like I did.

     What gripped me far more - when book gives the stream comments a rest and goes back to the plain old fashioned telling of Teresa's dangerous duels with the world-wide-web wraith.

     A perfectly suitable choice, if you'd rather spend a cozy Friday night home instead of rushing out to the multi-plex to see this week's new horror movie.......(which you could probably stream a few weeks later with your own home-cooked popcorn......)

       3 stars (***). Wait a sec....I think I just heard someone come into the room........

'TO CATCH A SPY'.....THE FRENCH RIVIERA'S MOST DASHING, DEFT THIEF IS BACK IN ACTION....

 To Catch A Spy by Mark ONeill (2025)

     While this fun, terrific thriller works fine as a stand alone, I'd recommend everyone treat themselves to either the original book or a viewing of the classic 1955 Alfred Hitchcock film with Cary Grant and Grace Kelly (even if you've seen it before). Trust me it will make the experience of reading this book even more entertaining.

     With permission from original author David Dodge's estate, Mark O' Neill effectively continues the adventures of John Robie - former American, circus acrobat, former French Resistance fighter, former master jewel thief and former romancer of the beautiful, audacious heiress Francie Stevens.

     Francie's broken up with John, whose less-than-legal past previously landed him in dangerous trouble, but she and her sardonic widowed mom are back on the dazzling French Riviera just in time for the swirl and glamour of Fashion Week. John's itching to rekindle his once fireworks-worthy romance with Francie, but all new troubles and threats envelop him.......and may very well also involve Francie. too.

     In helping out a long time friend from French Intelligence, John's stumbled upon a Russian spy ring whose masterminds are a lethal bunch with an inexhaustible supply of minion thugs. Even worse, this nefarious cabal may have something to do with Francie's recruitment as a stunning new fashion model for a famous designer's new creations. But now Francie's not only a freshly minted fashion superstar, she's also acquired a new protective boyfriend as well, So John has his hands full.....slugging it out with the thugs out to kill him, somehow relighting the fire between him and Francie while trying to untangle her possible involvement in the spy plot.

     Loved every single minute of this, which plays out among all the same gorgeous locations everyone will remember from the movie. Yet author O'Neill does make this new book his very own, which is more of a non-stop, breathless James Bond-ish adventure as opposed to Hitchcock's more leisurely romantic suspense. I devoured it in one sitting and certainly wouldn't mind if John and Francie, both born adventurers, embark on an all new captivating caper. One of the best beach reads you'll find this year.

        5 stars (*****).

'A DROP OF CORRUPTION'.....A THRILLING, MASTERFUL SERIES CONTINUES.....

 A Drop Of Corruption by Robert Jackson Bennett (2025)

     Once again I stand in complete gaping jaw awe of Robert Jackon Bennett. I speak of his ability to combine the complex intricate fantasy universe he's created with an infinitely complex mystery thriller (and its one-of-kind infinitely memorable sleuthing team.

     The oddest crime solving duo imaginable has a new perplexing (and gruesome) case to unravel. As if the crimes aren't grisly enough, they're committed amid The Empire and its surrounding city-kingdoms. It's a world fraught with the cruelty, corruption and dangers of Medieval-like autocracies and dependent on harvesting the precious blood of Lovecraft-ian Titans, monsters who swarm the Empire's sea.

     Investigator Ana Dolabra possesses the instinctual sensitivities of Sherlock Holmes and swears like Popeye Doyle. She prefers to put her powerful intuitions into play while blindfolded, so it's up to her stalwart, sword-wielding assistant Dinios Kol to do her legwork - seeking out and questioning suspects and informing Ana of everything gleaned from his enhanced memory abilities. Only when Ana's taken in as much information as Kol can supply her with can she snap the puzzle pieces together.

     A treasury official's disappearance turns into a ghastly murder and Ana and Din face their most formidable and diabolical foe......a remorseless killer who easily bypasses every security measure designed to stop him. Whoever he is he's also devised an infernal method of mass slaughter and his killing spree extends from jungles to royal castles. While Ana's mental talents are put to seemingly impossible challenges, Dinios searches for answers at the 'Shroud' , the vast ominous structure where Titans are eviscerated for their all powerful blood.


     I'll admit that this book series is not some kind of easy peasy breezy read. The worlds of Ana and Dinios are a vast mosaic of cultures, customs, politics and geography to absorb. But once you enter and fully immerse yourself in this universe, it takes hold of you and keeps you turning the pages. And once Ana finally lays out every revealed twist, the heartbreak and horror of the crimes committed speak volumes about the values of an autocratic empire. Not just a swashbuckling adventure but a lot of food for thought about how author Bennett's world mirrors our own.

     If I'm making this sound all too grim, I don't want to forget to mention you'll also find plenty of unexpected moments of ribald, laugh out loud humor.....also guaranteed to take you by surprise....)

     Can't recommend this highly enough. Take the ride, it's more than worth it.

       5 stars (*****).

 

WEEKEND MADNESS WRAP-UP......SPECIAL 'TOP SECRET, CLASSIFIED, HUSH-HUSH, OUR-LIPS-ARE-SEALED WE'D-TELL-YOU-BUT-THEN-WE'D-HAVE-TO-KILL-YOU' GROUP CHAT EDITION.....

 

'The Atlantic' journalist gets accidentally invited to a classified, top secret war plans group chat.......explained Secretary Of Indefensible Defense Pete Hegseth, "No classified information was shared, other than attack days and times......and besides, I thought that extra guy on the chat was on there was there to take my drink order...."

Trump and National Security Minions refuse to own up to their serious gaffe, preferring Trump's usual plan to deny, deflect and double-down......"They're the very best people" claimed Trump, "in fact Little Marco came up with great idea of keeping the Nuclear Attack Codes written in Sharpie on my palms...."

In addition to these new phones, Trump also issues etch-a-sketch pads for to all security personnel for issuing military strike orders to fighter pilots.......with a stern warning to pilots to remember to shake the pads clear after receiving their targets....

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Trump rages about what he considers an unflattering portrait of himself......"It's such an insult to me and all of America. This terrible disgusting portrait makes me look like a fat, angry, stupid, racist, misogynist, bullying narcissist who doesn't have a clue about what he's doing.....especially when everyone around me has mentioned how much I look like Timothee Chalamet...."

On a daily basis, Trump proves that he will tirelessly show the U.S. and the world that every worst fear they believed about a second Trump Presidency is coming true in real time......while thousands of cemeteries receive instructions from 2024 Trump voters to amend their gravestones to read, "This isn't what I voted for...."

'GODZILLA VS. BIOLLANTE'....BIG G TAKES TIME TO STOP AND SMELL A ROSE.....AND THEN KICK ITS FLOWERING ASS......

 Godzilla Vs. Biollante (1989)    Imagine our reaction when we heard Criterion came out with a deluxe 4K Blu Ray of this film.......

         Say whaaaaaaaaaaaat? A frickin' Godzilla movie?

         We never got around to viewing this one when it first hit DVD....by then we (and just about everybody else in the world) had tired of watching the same guy in a Godzilla suit pounding on other guys also zipped into rubber suits. 

          And then Godzy's home studio Toho tossed it over to the fans, running a script contest....asking them to come up with a new worthy opponent for everyone's favorite radioactive lizard. 

          Holy hot atomic breath....did they ever. 

          After hearing about the Criterion copy, we were delighted to discover that we still owned an unopened original Mirimax DVD of the film.....and finally popped it into the player.  (Oh the irony here....a Mirimax DVD with a monster more damaging than Harvey Weinstein.)

            We fully understand why the film achieved cult status with worldwide Godzilla fans.....

             It's a wild ride from start to finish. Perpetual action, epic amounts of destruction and a Heavyweight, one-of-a-kind sparring partner for Godzilla like no other. 

             Wastes no time at all......while Godzinator lays waste to another city, eco-warriors (or whoever) steal a patch of Big G's skin for scientific experiments. Then a whole bunch of other guys machine gun them, then a super assassin makes off with the skin. Please don't ask us to explain any of this.....

              Later, a huge scientific place goes kaboom from yet another attack, killing a scientist's beloved daughter. Pop consoles himself by concocting  Biollante, a cocktail monster mashup of Big G's DNA, his daughter's DNA.....and a red rose. (I bet you think we're making up that last part, right?)

            Oh no we're not!  Lovely Bio plants herself (literally) just offshore, with tentacles equipped with their own snappy jaw mouths, a transparent beating heart and a jumbo red rose for a  head (If this wouldn't qualify her for a new season of 'The Bachelorette, we don't know what would.)

        You just know that our boy Godz-o-rama  stalks over to Lovely Bio for an Atomic Breath smackdown. Poor Bio tries defending herself by splooging acid on Big G's face, but Big G's all out of tic-tacs so he gives Bio a hot breath heart massage.  So much for their first date, as we watch Bio-Babe reduced to pixie dust that floats up to the heavens.......

            But think again if you think that's the end of her. After G fends off all the usual, futile missile, tank and helicopter attacks, we feeble humans try shooting him up with bacteria. (To quote one guy, "Hey Mr. Godzilla! You always feel better when you take your medication orally."  We didn't make that one up either. Too bad Nurse Ratched wasn't around to give G a rectal bacteria injection 

            Holy lawn seed, Biollante comes sprinkling down from the sky, assembling into an even more badass version of herself and more than ready for Round 2. Big G's finally had enough abuse and gives her an Atomic Breath blow job......or more to the point, a blow up job.

            Once again, Bio ascends in a pixie dust cloud, but not before displaying the face of the young girl from which she was spawned. Godzy, as always, wades off into the deep ocean, while Bio turns into a space-station sized rose orbiting the planet. Feel free to dab some tears....

           All kidding aside, we adored every loony minute of it with one exception. Composer Koichi Sugiyama wisely inserts chunks of the legendary Akira Ifukube theme music (as was done in 'Godzilla Minus One'). But Sugiyama's own score, which plays incessantly, is juvenile and blatantly cornball, sounding like it was written for a Gerry Anderson 'Thunderbirds' puppet movie. 

          Dedicated Godzilla fans will want to snap up the Criterion blu-ray for a seventh heaven monster rally that'll make your back plates light up just like Big G's. 

            4 stars (****). 

'SHOUT AT THE DEVIL'.....ROGER 'N LEE GO TO AFRICA.....AND PLAY HELL WITH PRE-WORLD WAR I GERMANY.....

Shout At The Devil (1976).....probably arrived a decade too late for the kind of film it was and the mass audience it was designed for....

        An expansive, expensive, sprawling action-adventure, it delivered an overstuffed package of spectacular action, low comedy, exotic lush locales, international cast members and robust roles for its two big stars as brawling frenemies. 

         We gleefully gorged on a plentiful supply of movies like this throughout the 1960's, But amid the eclectic, groundbreaking cinema of the 1970's, this film came off like an antiquated, out-of-touch relic, with all its obvious flaws visible. 

         And it certainly didn't help that the pace dragged throughout its 150 minute length and that the film took a wild swerve in its last third......from rollicking hijinks to grim 'men-on-impossible-mission' territory. 

           We're back in 1914 East Africa, suffering under the dictatorial thumb of Germany. This state of affairs doesn't sit well with renegade ivory poacher Flynn O' Flynn (Lee Marvin in full 'Cat Ballou'/'Paint Your Wagon' ham-it-up' mode)  Flynn's constant smuggling and poaching bedevils local German commander Fleischer ( Rene Kolldehoff, blustery, bloated and decked out like a cartoon Bismark, complete with the spike atop his helmet)

            Through crooked means, Flynn recruits Stiff Upper Brit Sebastian Oldsmith (Roger Moore) to join him on his nefarious elephant hunting safari and float the harvested ivory tusks up the river patrolled by German gunboats. 

            (A word here about the rather disturbing Elephant hunt, with Moore and Lee felling dozens of the majestic beasts. A title card proudly proclaimed that no animals were harmed in the making of the film.......if we take the producers at their word, then somebody evidently trained the elephants to collapse on cue......but we still have our doubts.....)

          The stalwart Moore then follows the drunken loquacious Marvin on further random capers, further enraging the sputtering, close to comical Kolldehoff. (Along the way, the storyline introduces mediocre TV actress Barbara Parkins as Marvin's daughter and naturally, a love interest for Moore.)

          (We're way too saddened to discuss poor Ian Holm's role as Marvin's mute Arab sidekick. We're pretty sure he erased it from his memory and in honoring this gifted actor, so will we....)

          What truly disappointed us - given the film's directed by Peter Hunt (the editor of the first five Bond films and director of 'On Her Majesty's Secret Service' ) the ragged, uneven pace of the film left us shaking our head. Completely missing here is the propulsive energy and precise cutting that Hunt brought to the Bonds.  The film feels more like it was directed by a connect-the-dots journeyman like Andrew V. McLaglen.)

           The script gives its superstars little too work with, so Moore glides through it with his usual dapper cool and Marvin shamelessly chews up the scenery as he performs entire scenes bulging his eyes and slugging down gallons of gin.  At one point, the film allows them a lengthy John Ford-ish comic fistfight that leaves them both unconscious. These guys really could've used an actress to match them in charisma but Parkins is never more than barely adequate.

         As we mentioned, the film's third act tosses in a startling, brutal tragedy, which sends Moore, Lee and Parkins on a do or die mission to destroy a German battleship and personally send Kolldehoff to the hell he richly deserves.  It's by far the best part of the film, suspenseful, dramatic, loaded with action and might make you forget the random wandering it's been afflicted with through most of its running time. 

          For those viewers still woke-stricken, we give fair warning. The film was made in apartheid South Africa and still holds on to the attitudes of 1950's/1960's films set in Africa. The natives get regularly killed off in droves and the film thinks nothing of covering Moore in blackface so he can sneak on to the battleship as a native minion. 

        "Shout At The Devil" ends up as a mixed bag of pleasures and gaffes. With a tighter script, faster editing and a female lead to more than match the boys, it coulda been a contender. 

          2 & 1/2 stars (**1/2)