'GOLDFINGER'......HAPPY, HAPPY 60TH ANNIVERSARY.

Goldfinger (1964)  As a rabid Bond fanatic, we stunned ourselves when we went back into our archives and discovered we'd never done a previous post on it!

            This should have been one of the first films we reviewed when we started this blog way back in 2016, given we watch it every year without fail. 

             The previous two films in the series,"Dr. No" and "From Russia With Love" had already begun to build up a loyal fan base. 

             But "Goldfinger", the brassy, sassy, action-packed, dryly humorous third entry, set the cinema world on fire, and set off a frenzied Bond fever that gripped the entire world.  (The fever eventually lessened to low-grade, but for many long time fans, has never completely disappeared.)

            Think we're exaggerating?  How about big city theaters forced to show the film 24/7 around the clock to meet the demand. 

            'Goldfinger', with its outrageous, charismatic villain, his bonkers plot to decimate Fort Knox, and his penchant for suffocating beautiful girls in gold paint, captured the world's imagination like no other film in history. 

            Add to that the explosive, sexy and dangerous portrayal of Agent James Bond by Sean Connery, the film promised (and delivered a monumental hero-villain Clash Of The Titans......not to mention former 'Avengers' TV star Honor Blackman as the first of the don't-mess-with-me Bond girls....Pussy Galore. 

            Very few moviegoers in 1964 could resist that glittering package of violence, deadpan spoofery and smoldering sexual innuendo. 

            A rundown of whom we think of as the film's MVP's and responsible for it becoming a culture shattering global phenomenon....

            Ian Fleming - let's not forget it all started with an author creating a character and his world.

             Alfred Hitchcock's "North By Northwest" - when penning his first Bond screenplay, Fleming and his co-writers were greatly inspired by Hitchcock's breathless cocktail of cross-country suspense, action and laugh-out-loud moments. Consider 'NXNW' as the ancestor of all Bond films.

             Sean Connery -   Do we really need to elaborate? 

             Shirley Bassey -    Her belting out of that in-your-face title song perfectly matched what audiences were in for when credits stopped.....and Dame Shirley raised the bar high for all subsequent Bond song performers.

             John Barry -  Here's where he truly fashioned the definitive Bond soundtrack, punctuated with wailing horns and sometimes erupting into propulsive jazz.

              Ken Adam -  What Barry did for Bond music, Adam did for for the signature production design of Bond-world.....sleek, almost futuristic sets, accentuated with gleaming chrome and metal.  His eye-popping Fort Knox is still a golden feast for the eyes.

            Robert Brownjohn and Margaret Nolan - Main title designer Brownjohn doubled down on his striking 'From Russia With Love' visuals (the credits projected on to belly dancers). This time film clips played on the gold painted skin of delectable actress-model Margaret Nolan (who then appears in the film proper as Bond's masseuse.) Unlike today's airbrushed and digitally enhanced photographs, Brownjohn's camera slowly drifts so close across Nolan's sculpted body, audiences could make out the peach fuzz on her legs. 

             Shirley Eaton - the va-va-voom British Bombshell became forever enshrined as Bondom's first official sacrificial babe, slathered in gold paint and looking like the dead girlriend of 'Oscar', the Academy Award statuette.

            The Frickin' Laser Beam - No explanation needed.

             Gert Frobe - known in his home country Germany as mostly a roly-poly comic actor, Frobe created a cold-hearted, yet affable megalomaniac that served as a template for future Bond villains. (Unlike Joseph Wiseman's inscrutable 'Fu Manchu'-like Dr. No, Frobe's Goldfinger enjoys his own villainy - gifted with the best line ever when Bond asks him if he expects Bond to spill vital info..."No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to DIE!")   And tip of the hat to actor Michael Collins, who not only expertly dubbed in Frobe's dialogue, but did it in an uncanny imitation of the actor's real speaking voice. 

            Peter Hunt - another invaluable member of the Eon Productions Bond filmmaking team. Hunt's groundbreaking use of  cut-right-to-the-action film editing became a hallmark of the films....and this distinctive style would reach its absolute pinnacle in "On Her Majesty's Secret Service', which he directed. 

            Harold Sakata - as Goldfinger's nearly indestructible manservant Oddjob, Sakata and his lethal metal-rimmed bowler hat became instant cinema icons.....not to mention the model for future Bond henchmen who were ridiculous, funny and frightening all at once (such as Richard Kiel's 'Jaws' )  His thrilling, clever fight scene with Connery still provokes jolts and laughs today.

           Guy Hamilton - one of those tough British Field Marshall directors who accentuated all the over-the-top Bond tropes that audiences came to expect. (He's responsible for turning the Bond-Q relationship into the Cranky Dad versus Wayward Son dynamic that's lasted through the rest of the series.)  But his other, later Bond films ("Diamonds Are Forever", "Live and Let Die", "Man With The Golden Gun") had none of the snap, crackle and pop he brought here

           Combine all these talents and craftspeople together gave entire world a movie (and genre) to go crazy over. And we did indeed....

           The remainder of the 1960's became inundated with movies and TV shows that followed in 'Goldfinger's wake......all of them desperately trying to capture the film's unique lightning-in-a-bottle mixture of escapist adventure mixed with borderline tongue-in-cheek satire.  Secret Agents, vile villains and sexy babes clogged the theaters and TV, provoking producer Harry Saltzman and Albert R. Broccoli to spend lavishly on more spectacular Bonds like "Thunderball" and "You Only Live Twice". 

            We could go on and on, but you probably get the drift by now. BQ loves 'Goldfinger' to the moon and back. 5 golden stars (*****).

            

           

  

SO SORRY.....BEACHED QUILL SLIGHTLY BEACHED BY MEDICAL ISSUES.....

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        BQ visitors: regrets for missing the last few days of posts while attending to needed medical issues and appointments.  

             Please check back with us tomorrow. We can't wait to return with a fond look back at "Goldfinger" as it's celebrating its 60th anniversary.  See you soon!

WEEKEND MADNESS WRAP-UP.....SPECIAL "CAN I CHANGE MY VOTE" EDITION

       We swore we were done with madness wrap-ups.....until we couldn't help noticing the madness now taking on doomsday proportions......

        So here we go again, but we aim these tidbits specifically toward all Trump voters....you know them, they're the ones now flooding Google with 'How Can I Change My Vote? requests. 

        Our response:  Suck it up, asswipes. This is what you voted for, this is what you're getting. So bend over and take it right where you deserve it the most......

Attention Trump voters:  After Matt's installed as A.G., don't forget to send your teen daughters over to his new office to apply for internships......

Senator Lindsay Graham now offering tutoring services to GOP congressmen and senators....with special concentrated instructions on groveling, ring-kissing and guesting on news shows to say, "He didn't really mean what he said..."

GOP conservatives gape stunned at Trump's cabinet nominee choices.....(and immediately put themselves in the running at the Razzie Awards for Worst Supporting Actors Of The Year...)

Trump voters: Meet your new Health Czar.  Also welcome back Measles, Bubonic Plague and Polio. Your kids'll love 'em. 

Trump voters: Meet your new Surgeon General. Don't forget to stock up on Fava beans and a nice Chianti.....

'HOT FROSTY'......DO YOU WANNA BOINK A SNOWMAN?

 Hot Frosty (Netflix-2024)   There are definite advantages to watching Netflix imitations of Hallmark Christmas movies as opposed to the real thing. 

       #1. Commercial free. Therefore, in a 2 hour time period, you don't sit through over 30 minutes of ads, half of which tout upcoming Hallmark Christmas movies, virtual carbon copies of the one you're watching. 

        #2. An infinite faster pace than Hallmark movies, which move along at the rate of an Ice Age glacier.

        #3. A relaxation of the carved-in-stone tropes of the Hallmarks, all of which unfold with the structural rigidity of Kabuki Theater. 

        #4. Netflix allows its holiday offerings to be funnier, goofier, and sexier in ways that would give Hallmark executives coronaries.

         Today's exhibit A: 'Hot Frosty', starring none other than once reigning Hallmark princess Lacy Chabert. Due to her aging out of the typical, late 20's-early 30's Hallmark romantic lead roles, the HM honchos want to replace her with a fresher, younger batch of ingenues. 

           We kind of agree with them to some extent - their reliable roster of actresses can't pass for those ages anymore, but come on, guys. Lacy Chabert?  Still cute and adorable as ever. 

           She's perfect for this movie, playing a still grieving widow in a pure fantasy fable. It's sort of a Hans Christian Anderson tale unfolding in a typical Hallmark-ian small town.

            One of entries in the town Best Snowman competition catches Lacey's eye......no roly-poly cartoony character, this snowman's sculpted like a Chippendale's dancer, complete with six pack abs. Overcome with either lust or empathy, Lacey gifts him with her scarf.

            Bingo-bango. Snowman turns real and staggers around the town square with only the long scarf covering his....uh....frozen package. Woo-hoo, now there's something you'll never see in a Hallmark movie. 

            Let's stop a sec to credit Dustin Milligan's admirable work as the newly born defrosted human, generating smiles as he embraces the world with the fervor of a ten year old in a candy store. 

            Lacey adopts him like a puppy, as does the entire town, since 'Jack' is the kindest, gentlest most altruistic helper-handyman in the civilized world. He's like Hottie-Jesus crossed with Bob The Builder....and oh those abs.  He brings a woman to orgasm just by pushing her car out of a snow drift....(check that off as something else you're not likely to see in a Hallmark village.

            But Snow-stud has problems.......He starts melting whenever indoors (don't fret, this is accomplished only by showing him break into a sweat, not dissolving into a David Cronenberg gooey puddle. )

            Even worse for him, the town's obsessive law 'n order Sheriff (Craig Robinson) is hot on his trail for felonious streaking in the town square. (Not true, we say. He did wear a scarf, after all....)

            True to its fairy tale nature, 'Hot Frosty' ends exactly the way you thought it would, its one major similarity to a Hallmark movie. And we never really minded that the whole town has no trouble believing that Frosty The Hunka-Hunka Burnin' Love began life as a snowman. 

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           We admit we're suckers for Christmas movies in general, even though we go out of our way to avoid fantasies like this one. (Those Hallmark entries where the lead discovers she's Santa's actual granddaughter....ugh...Hard Pass.)

          "Hot Frosty" as slim and slight and blatantly corny as it is, enveloped itself in a sweet snow-globe charm that warmed us up on a cold pre-Holiday night.

           And isn't what these movies are supposed to do? 3 stars (***).

            

           

'GOODBYE CHARLIE'......A MURDERED WRITER TURNS INTO DEBBIE REYNOLDS....(STOP ME IF YOU'VE HEARD THIS ONE....)

 Goodbye Charlie (1964).....if nothing else, was way more ambitious than your average high gloss Color By DeLuxe CinemaScope rom-com.....

         We can understand why Fox offered it to Marilyn Monroe....Just imagine the comic possibilities of America's number one sex symbol inhabited by the wandering soul of a dead horny guy.

          The ultra-feminine Monroe turned it down, thinking she could never effectively channel a male persona......but then neither could Debbie Reynolds, who ended up with the part. 

          Debbie tried affecting the character of late screenwriter Charlie Sorrell. A notorious randy cad, Charlie's getting it on with the wife of flamboyant movie producer Leopold Sartori (Walter Matthau as his hammiest). This all occurs at a party on Sartori's yacht, where Sartori shoots Charlie several times in the ass, sending him overboard into the drowning deep. 

          Charlie's only friend and fellow writer George (Tony Curtis) presides at a sparsely attended funeral held at Charlie's sumptuous beach house. Then along comes young wealthy scion Bruce (Pat Boone) who just rescued a bedraggled naked girl (Reynolds) staggering down the highway.

          Ah, you guessed it....she's no less than a reconstituted, reincarnated Charlie, now living inside the diminutive, cutie-pie form of Debbie.

          All the expected jokes and scenes tumble out, one after the other - George stammers and yammers as he copes with the idea of Charlie's sex-swap resurrection while female Charlie, still a conniving heel, plots to extort cash out of his-her previous conquests (Joanna Barnes and Ellen McRae, later to become Ellen Burstyn).

          A few things here we did in fact like:  

          The sporadic, but still funny spoofing of Hollywood culture. (Especially Matthau's deliberately fake Hungarian accent, which fades back into pure Brooklyn gangster). It's a hoot watching Matthau chew up the scenery with the kind of abandon that would make him a bona fide star 2 years later in Billy Wilder's "The Fortune Cookie".

          A great bit for wonderful character Roger C. Carmel who makes the very most out of his one primary scene as a homicide detective slyly interrogating Curtis. (which accounts for the film's one singular terrific sight gag, as Curtis later hopes to avoid Carmel's surveillance by ducking into an elevator.)

           The film's final twist.....doling out yet another dose of apt, deserving karma to Charlie......(hint: he's not ready to say goodbye.)

           "Goodbye Charlie" turned out a massive box office failure for 20th Century Fox.....Reynolds was barely convincing as the predatory Charlie and the film-biz spoofery didn't land well with audiences either. 

           But for those of us buffs steeped in 1960's big studio cinema nostalgia and love a good wallow in it from time to time, we found this one an entertaining bauble to dig up and enjoy.  3 stars (***)

          

'HEIST ROYALE'.....THOSE TEEN THIEVES ARE BACK IN ACTION....AND BACK IN SERIOUS TROUBLE

  Heist Royale by Kayvion Lewis (2024)

     The Junior Varsity 'Ocean's 11' crew are back in action and for everyone who loved the impossible heists in their first book, 'Thieves Gambit' here come even more.....with a heaping dose of the ever-so-slow burning romance between dedicated, dire enemies Ross and Devroe.

     As you can see from the above description, this is the second book in a series and as far from a stand-alone as you can get. I'd highly recommend 'Heist Royale' as a terrific escapist romp but only after you've read the first one. Otherwise, you'll spend a frustrating time playing catch-up with the various rivalries, blood feuds, backstories and character clashes.

     Our severely star-crossed couple, expert teen thieves Rosalyn 'Ross' Quest and Devroe Kenzie live to out-heist each other, with Ross's deep hatred and fear of the Kenzie family fueled by the events of the previous book....(which I couldn't even begin to describe in any detail, which brings me back to what I said about this not being a stand-alone)

     Once again they're pitted against each other, along with their internationally diverse collection of fellow teen heist-meisters. And once again, the all powerful 'Organization' is running another 'Gambit' an anything-goes 'Hunger Gamer'-like thieving Olympics for adolescent felons.

     As a prize, the Organization offers an all encompassing 'wish', and by that I don't just mean a trip to Disneyland or a new washer-dryer. As for losers, given the amount of danger they expose themselves to, they've a good chance of ....well....not making it into the next book.

     This particular Gambit, set off by a deadly power struggle within the upper echelons of the Organization, makes the heists even more spectacularly insurmountable, which means a whole lot more suspense, danger and fun for us readers. The primary set piece has our competing crews of heist-inators ripping off a luxurious but shady casino......and coming up against an adversary they didn't bargain for.

I loved all the characters, the sharp byplay and the many twists and turns, but again I'd warn against trying to read this without first immersing yourself in 'Thieves Gambit' .A great reading double feature.

         4 stars (****).....(and if you meet anyone like the crew in this book and shake their hands.....remember to count your fingers....)

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'OUT IN THE COLD'....ONE OF OUR FAVORITE SUPER AGENTS NEEDS TO SAVE THE WORLD FOR US AGAIN....

 Out In The Cold by Steve Urszenyi (2024)

      She's back.......and we can all sleep safer knowing that very Special Agent Alexandra Martel is ferreting out global villainy and sending terrorists of all varieties to their well deserved doom.

     Author Steve Urszenyi has put together another breathless, action packed mission for Alex to unleash her skills as a fearless warrior and expert sniper. This time she's up against another hive of Machiavellian mischief designed to bring the world to the brink of Def-Con Bye Bye Bye.

     Alex and her former Interpol chief (and mentor) barely survive an all out assault by unknown mercenaries and that's just the beginning. Somehow, Alex's tangle with these bad buys relates to more damaging attacks on Finland, newly initiated into NATO. Naturally, the one and only usual suspect is Russia......or is somebody else out to stir the pot of boiling world turmoil?

      Now attached to a CIA unit, who better than Alex Martel to hunt down and battle the perpetrators, even if her rogue independence confounds and frustrates her CIA bosses....(not to mention her fellow CIA compadre Caleb, who's carrying a flaming torch for Alex.).

      This book's a pure, adrenalin-pumped thrill ride, loaded with explosive violent action and populated with a full contingent of Washington D.C. power players, none of whom can possibly contain Alex when she's out to bring down whoever's up to no good. Author Urszenyi works in much of today's international anxieties into the story which only makes us hope that Alex never decides to retire.

     A must for all thriller fans and everyone waiting for the next James Bond movie.....here's a 5 star world-saving agent whose exhilarating adventures you can plunge into right now.

      5 stars (*****).....long may Alex shoot, kick and punch....